Best Friends
by MaryslilLamb
Summary: This story highlights James' and Sirius' friendship through 1980 and 1981. complete
1. January 1980

**Best Friends  
**  
A Tale from the First War 

**Rated: PG-13**

**Spoilers:** Hmm. This story takes place before Harry is born. But let's say post OotP to be safe.

**Notes:** This story takes place in the months leading up to Harry's birth and beyond.

**Disclaimer:** While this story is mine, the characters are not. Some bits are artistic license; others are supported by J.K. Rowling's books.

**January  
**  
The house seemed like an unassuming cottage just down a country lane. In the spring and summer its garden would run riot with flowers. Today, it was a frosty white drift of snow. James' boots sank into the unbroken crust of ice. No one had bothered to clear a path to the door. That worried him. Sirius was usually so tidy. What could have stopped his friend from doing chores?

He trudged through the whiteness; stray clumps falling into his boots, melting against his socks. He reached the door; a warm cherry wood with four small window panes at the top. Rapping on it, he listened to the silence around him. Somewhere, far off, he could hear the muggle world racing about its business. "So blissfully unaware," he whispered to himself.

No sound came from the house. Could Sirius be out? No, that didn't seem likely. Maybe he had misunderstood Dumbledore's directions. He raised his hand to knock again. The door flew open. Steely gray eyes glared at him over the tip of a wand. James smiled softly, raising both gloved hands to show he held no wand. "Sirius," he greeted.

"James." He lowered the wand and opened the door wider, managing to hide a small grimace behind his long black hair. He flipped the hair back out of his face.

"Can I come in?" James asked. Sirius remained in the doorway. _He's actually thinking about it!_

"Sure." A twinge of hatred rushed through James. _How dare Voldemort do this to them! All they'd been through together! And now, they hid from each other; second-guessed each other's motives.  
_  
Sirius stepped back from the door. He was not dressed for the cold. He wore a pale blue tank top and charcoal gray shorts. The outfit turned his gray eyes cold. James ducked in and kicked off his boots. Sirius closed the door and folded his arms across his chest.

James watched him out of the corner of his eye. He removed the black overcoat and gloves, hanging them on the coat rack near the door. Sirius took in every movement; memorizing each one, it seemed. With a small sigh, James smiled at his friend. _My best friend_, he reminded himself.

"So. This seems nice," he began looking around.

"What do you want, James?"

"I. . . I just need to talk to you." James willed all the warmth he could muster into his hazel eyes.

"About what?"

"Well. About Lily, actually." The cautious mask Sirius had been wearing shattered. Concern swallowed his eyes.

"Lily? Is she okay?" Panic edged his voice.

James held up a hand, restraining his friend without touching him. "Padfoot, can I come in?" Sirius nodded.

"Yes, alright. This way." Sirius ran a hand through his hair as he led James further into the house. "Tea?" he asked.

"Yes, please. If it's not too much trouble." Sirius shook his head no. The house looked well-decorated. Warm reds and sage greens dominated the rooms. It didn't seem Sirius' taste at all. "Who lives here?" he asked as Sirius deposited him in a sitting room and continued on to the kitchen. Two beige sofas framed a low oak table.

"I do!" Sirius called from the kitchen. James smiled.

"I mean besides you. Who did Dumbledore commandeer it from?"

"Does it matter?" Sirius returned with a tea tray. "I'll have to leave now. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow." Sirius had been in hiding for a few weeks now. The Death Eaters had made themselves known to Dumbledore's followers. They had started with the 'black sheep' of the Black family.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. How is it?"

"Being cooped up on Dumbledore's orders? It's worse than detention with Filch." A ghost of his usual smile flitted across his face. James remembered that smile. He remembered it lighting up a room, faltering at unwelcome news, and stifled when laughing would have been inappropriate.

Today, it turned into a grimace. "Lily," he prompted. James stopped his own smile. He set his tea down and leaned forward. Sirius imitated him.

"I had to threaten to leave the Order before Dumbledore would tell me where you were. But I wanted you to be the first to know." Worry clouded Sirius' eyes. James watched all the horrible possibilities race through his mind.

"Know what?"

James opened his mouth to say, and then shut it. Sirius' worry flashed to anger and his hands balled into fists. James chuckled. "Easy, Padfoot. I'm just having a bit of fun. Lily's fine. She's pregnant." He laughed as all the emotion and color drained from his friend's face.

"P--Pregnant?" James nodded, smiling. "Are you sure?"

James laughed. "Of course I'm sure! We had it confirmed yesterday morning." Sirius leapt for him. Startled, James' first thought was to protect himself; to fend off the angry blow. Sirius plowed into him, their momentum carrying them back into the sofa. Sirius held him tight; his barking laughter filled the room. James returned the embrace, adding his own laughter to the din. _Just like old times_.

"When? What?" Sirius started. James pulled away from him, smiling. They sat up, still holding onto each other. "When, when is she," he stopped, his gray eyes searching James' face.

"Due?" Sirius nodded. "July or August."

"And she wants a girl, of course," Sirius laughed.

"Actually, she says it's a boy."

"She _says_ it's a boy? She's a seer, now?" They laughed again.

"I would love to have a son and she says it is one," James shrugged. "Who am I to argue?"

"A smart man doesn't argue with a pregnant woman."

_Our old patterns have fallen back around us. The banter, the laughter. It all belongs to a simpler time. A time when we would never hide ourselves away_. James' smile faded. Sirius caught the mood change and his face closed down. A pang of sadness lanced through him, "I ought to go," he said. "I just needed to tell you. The longer I'm here. . ." he trailed off.

"I know," Sirius sighed. He huffed and threw his feet up on the couch, spinning to lean his back against James. James leaned into his friend, closing his eyes. He remembered the scent of him; the sure, confident presence of him. A tear gathered in the corner of his eye.

_There is nothing more to do but soldier on_. James waited for the tension to bleed from Sirius. It faded slowly. He always tried to hold that anger. It seemed to give him purpose; courage. The anger drained away and they sighed in tandem. A sad chuckle escaped from James. They sat motionless, breathing together. Happier days haunted him. _This is how it should be. We should be gathered together for tea and dinner. Reliving old times, laughing and telling stories. Hiding from each other. Suspecting and double-guessing each other! None of it should be happening!  
_  
James opened his eyes and blinked back the tears. "I'll see you again, Padfoot," he said. Sirius nodded. He wouldn't answer aloud. James stood slowly and turned to look into his best friend's face. Unshed tears glistened in his gray eyes. James reached out a hand and Sirius took hold of it. He pulled him up into an embrace. They held each other close. If we could only stay this way. Sirius pushed away slowly.

"Go now, Prongs. I'm so happy for you, really." He paused, his words stopping hi his throat, "We'll be together again." A sad smile crossed his thin face, "Padfoot and Prongs. Just like before."

Nodding, James started for the door. Sirius stood with his jaw set defiantly as James climbed into his snow gear. Once in his coat he turned back towards Sirius, "No, Prongs. Don't look back." James stopped. Sirius' voice filled with tears, "Just go." James stared at the closed cherry wood door. "Just go," Sirius whispered again.

James reached out, turned the knob, and stepped out into the January chill. He forced himself to walk out into the snow. The door shut behind him, the final click of the lock echoing in his heart.

A scream of rage and pain shattered the silence. It tore from the cottage and into James. The crash of breaking furniture followed it. Swallowing back the tears, James pulled out his wand and disapparated.


	2. February 1980

**February**  
  
Same directions, same unassuming cottage. James stood in the late winter mud of the country lane. The members of the Order now hid from each other. Only a promise to deliver a message made it possible for him to stand here. Things had not been going well. Only Dumbledore knew everyone's location and by tonight, he would not be able to find Sirius again. But for now, he knew who waited behind that door.  
  
James smiled as he squelched through the mud to the cherry wood door. The curtains moved as he approached and Sirius flung open the door. He stood there vibrant and alive. His incredible smile flashed in the darkness of the entry way. "James!" he waved excitedly for his friend to enter. James obliged, rushing in. Sirius rocked back and forth on his heels as he waited for James to climb out of his muddy boots and black coat.  
  
The house smelled of sweet spices. Someone had been baking. "It smells lovely in here. Are you cooking?" James asked as he hung up his coat.  
  
"Me? No. I just arrived. Whoever lives here left a moment ago. They set out a wonderful trifle." James laughed at the eager look on his friend's pale face.  
  
"A trifle?" Sirius nodded. "Alright then," he sighed and shook his head as Sirius led the way into the back of the house. A breakfast nook looked out over the back garden. James sat on one side of the table. Sirius brought over dessert cups and spoons. He sat down opposite James. _Raspberries and rum_. James took a small bite.  
  
They ate in silence, smiling at one another. James wrapped himself up in Sirius' happiness. It was his own Patronus against the evil that had befallen their world. He sighed. "If only we could sit here forever," he whispered. His smile turned sad. Sirius' own smile faltered.  
  
"Don't James," he shook his head. "Let's just eat. Let's talk like we used to.' James smiled again, forcing it to stay.  
  
"Sorry, Padfoot. You're right." They lapsed into silence. It was easy enough to say "let's pretend". It was another to actually do it. _Let's pretend Voldemort isn't attacking wizard families across the country. Let's pretend he isn't actively hunting us. Let's pretend our lives are normal._  
  
"So, what are you naming your son?" Sirius asked.   
  
James smiled, "We don't know it's a boy."  
  
"Sure it is! How about naming him after me?" James laughed. An old joke about adopting flashed through his mind. He smiled.  
  
"But that would make him Sirius Potter Jr. And that doesn't make any sense." Sirius laughed.  
  
"James Potter Jr. then." he suggested.  
  
James shook his head, "Naw. Lily doesn't like the whole junior thing. His middle name is going to be James."  
  
"James Potter?" Sirius paused, savoring the name. James laughed. "I like it. It has a certain ring to it. I think I've heard it before."  
  
"Henry James Potter," James said after a minute. Sirius pulled a face.  
  
"Michael James Potter."  
  
James let out a harsh laugh. "Steven James Potter," he supplied.  
  
"Orion James Potter," Sirius said, nodding.  
  
"How about Peter James Potter?"  
  
"Or Frank James Potter."   
  
James laughed at his friend's suggestion. "I think it ought to be Remus James Potter if we're going to name him after one of us." Sirius snickered.   
  
He held out a hand, signaling for silence. "I propose Sirius Remus James Potter. . . Jr. if you insist. Though really, your parents never officially adopted me. I'm still a Black. So we could leave off the Jr. for Lily's sake." They laughed together.  
  
"Maybe something from Lily's family," James said at length.  
  
"What? A Muggle name?" James shrugged. "I'm sure there are plenty of Wizard names--" James glared at him as the words died. "I can't believe I just said that," Sirius finished, blushing. A pained horror crossed his face.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Mate."  
  
"No! No! My family's poison has leached out again! Now I'll never forgive myself if you don't choose a name from Lily's family." Sirius buried his face in his hands. James sat thinking, staring at Sirius in the morning light. He seemed so worn and thin. _I wonder if I look like that.  
_  
"Harry," he whispered.  
  
Sirius looked up, "Hairy?"  
  
"Harry James Potter."  
  
"Who's that then?"   
  
James smiled. "My son. I'll name him after Harry Evans." Sirius tilted his head, puzzled. "You remember him, right? He was at the wedding." Sirius retreated into thought.  
  
"Oh, yes. Short, fat, bloke." James let out a sudden laugh.  
  
"Tall and balding. . . Like you."  
  
"Balding?" Sirius ran a hand through his hair. James laughed. Sirius smiled at him, dropping his hands to the table. Love. There was no other word for that light in his gray eyes. A half-formed thought tickled at the back of his brain. He explored it temporarily.  
  
"That's not why we're meeting, Prongs," Sirius said into the silence. His face had closed down. It was his 'business mask'. He wore it when they talked about killings. Who was still here, who was not. Where people were hiding and how Voldemort knew.  
  
James reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a rumpled envelope. "I have a message from Moony." He passed over the letter. Sirius fingered the unsealed envelope flap.  
  
"Did you read it?" he asked, not looking up at James.  
  
"I just helped you finish off somebody's Raspberry and Rum Trifle. What do you think?" A wry smile twisted Sirius' features.  
  
"What's it say?"  
  
"That he's going out of the country for a few weeks and he'll meet you at the usual place and time." James watched thoughts slide behind Sirius' eyes.  
  
"And he's meeting you too, of course," he said. James shrugged.   
  
"I didn't get a note. But I hardly ever see Moony, anymore." The words hung between them. Sirius nodded slowly.  
  
"You had better go," he whispered, looking up at James. "I'll clean up before I leave." James stood slowly. He stared out the window. The last gasp of winter held sway over the world.  
  
"Watch yourself, Prongs," Sirius continued in a whisper. James pulled his eyes back to meet his friend's gray ones. There was nothing there while Sirius wore his 'business mask'. He might just as well have read emotion in a wall of glacial ice.  
  
"I'll be careful," James promised. "And you do the same, old friend," he said.  
  
"Don't I always?" James chuckled at that and turned away. He showed himself to the door. 


	3. march 1980

**March  
**  
It was one of those days that seemed as if the sun had forgotten to shine. Rain clouds blanketed the sky, turning afternoon into dusk. Huge rain drops pummeled James as he apparated to the country lane. This time there had been no need to ask Dumbledore for directions. No reason to make empty threats.  
  
A small black bird had greeted James yesterday morning. Attached to its leg had been a short message, scrawled in an achingly familiar hand: _Tea and Trifles_.  
  
There was a soft POP beside him and Lily appeared. She smiled and held out a hand to him. For just a moment, he let himself get lost in her laughing green eyes. Then he took her offered hand and led her to the cottage door.  
  
He knocked and she knocked with him. Laughing, she waited patiently. No one came to the door. James tried again as Lily's smile faltered. A lock clicked dully and the door opened slowly. A friendly round face beamed up at them. "Yes, come in," the elderly lady said. She shuffled aside, drawing her lavender shawl closer about her shoulders.  
  
"I'll just be popping down to the market then. You're a bit early. I expect your friend will be here shortly."  
  
"Umm, thank-you," James replied. Nodding, the owner of the cottage pulled out a wand and disapparated. James looked up at Lily. She shrugged and smiled.  
  
"I expect we are a bit early, James. He'll be here."  
  
"Yes. Of course." James shrugged out of the wet overcoat and helped Lily out of her forest green one. Her tummy bulged ever-so-slightly. A great sense of pride overwhelmed him and he smiled down at his wife. She blushed. She always blushed at that look from her husband. Turning away, she strolled into the sitting room. James watched her sink slowly into one of the couches; the same couch he had sat on an eternity ago.  
  
"I'll get the tea," he said. In the kitchen he found everything laid out fro tea. He had only to conjure some. As he worked, the back door opened and a huge black dog ambled in. "Padfoot!" James exclaimed. The dog's wet, matted fur was covered in mud and brambles. A laughing smile split the massive jaws. The dog melted away and reformed as Sirius.  
  
"You beat me here," he said when he'd regained the power of speech. He stood slowly, pushing his ruined hair back out of his face.  
  
"_We_ beat you here," James corrected. He returned to the tea. Sirius pulled out his wand and cleaned the filth from his body and clothes. James watched as his words registered. Sirius stopped in mid-_Scourgify_ and looked up at him.  
  
"We?" he asked. James smiled and nodded.  
  
"Lily's waiting in the sitting room." Sheer delight poured from Sirius. His old smile was back. _He'd laugh at the devil wearing that smile._ Sirius ran from the room. James heard Lily shout a greeting, which Sirius returned. When he entered, tea tray in hand, Sirius lay across Lily's stomach. His head traveled up and down as she breathed. He beamed up at James.  
  
"Isn't this grand?" he whispered. Lily smiled up at James.  
  
"I think we have a sitter," she said. James set down the tray and poured out. His friend sat up, giving Lily her space, as James passed a cup to each of them.   
  
"I was hoping for something more," he said. He let the words hang for a moment before continuing. "Last week I was attacked on my way to meet Frank," he said at last. Sirius' face closed down. Anger sparked in his eyes as his dark brows knitted together.  
  
James tried a chuckle, "I don't know what they were thinking. Only two of them to take on Prongs." He sighed. The haunted look in Lily's eyes spurred him on. "I fended them off but they got away. Hooded the whole time so I couldn't tell you who they were."  
  
"He makes it sound so trivial, Sirius," Lily interrupted. "He looked like the walking dead when he finally made it home."  
  
"James," Sirius started. His voice held both a warning and concern.  
  
"It wasn't so bad," he tried. But the look on Sirius' face confirmed it. He believed Lily's story, not James'. James concentrated on the tea. The habit of waiting patiently for Sirius' anger to subside held his tongue. After a while, Sirius turned to Lily.   
  
"That must have been terrible for you," he said. She nodded, absently sweeping her dark red hair over her shoulder.  
  
"Yes." She looked at her stomach; at the baby inside her.  
  
James continued, "It started me thinking about Lily and the baby. Who will look out for them if. . ." _If I'm half a step slower; if I'm not as awake; if my hands are full of groceries. If I die._ "If I'm not so lucky next time," he finished. The smile in Lily's eyes flickered and died.  
  
"Oh, Lily, no." Sirius shook his head. He clasped her hand. "You needn't worry about that. The Order takes care of its own. I'll watch out for you. For you and the baby." She smiled sadly.  
  
"I know you will. That's why we've come to ask you a favor," she said.  
  
"A favor? Name it. I owe you and James more than you could know." He slid off the couch and knelt before her. Her hands held tight in his. His gray eyes studied her face, memorizing every freckle, every worry line. James stood and stepped close enough to lay a hand on Sirius' shoulder. His gray eyes turned from Lily and traveled up James' arm to his face.  
  
"We would like to name you Godfather," he said.  
  
"Godfather?" Sirius asked. James nodded. "So I'd take over if--"  
  
"If something happens to us." James smiled sadly. _I remember you looking at me with nothing but love in your heart. Do you see the same thing on mine?  
_  
Sirius nodded. "Then this I promise you, James," he looked to Lily, "and Lily. I will be here for your family. Until the day I die I will keep your family safe from everything and everyone."  
  
At his words a visible weight lifted from Lily's frame. She sighed contentedly and sipped her tea. "I know you will, Padfoot," said James. _Sirius will keep the promise._ He smiled down at his best friend, hoping that the love he felt radiated from his eyes, his face, and the warmth of his hand.  
  
Sirius returned the smile. Though it quickly saddened along the edges. "We should go soon," he said. James nodded. They returned to their seats; sipping the tea in silence.  
  
"Is there anything you need for the baby?" Sirius asked. Lily opened her mouth to answer.  
  
"We'll manage," James said. Sirius eyed him carefully.  
  
"Alright. But let me know. I want to help."   
  
"We will, Sirius," Lily reached over and grasped his free hand. "There's plenty of time. He's not due for four more months.  
  
Sirius smiled. "Just be sure to ask me. I'm sure that's part of being a Godfather."  
  
"Of course it is." James drained the last of his tea, swirled the dregs and turned the cup upside-down on the saucer. He watched it for a moment. Two answering clinks of china on china told him the others had followed his lead. He looked up and smiled at Lily and Sirius.   
  
"On the count of three then," Lily breathed. "One," James and Sirius lifted their cups. "Two, three," Lily finished. She lifted her own cup, glaring at the two guys. They wore identical smirks. "Oh, you two are a laugh a minute," she replied. Sirius' bark of a laugh lit the room.  
  
James stared into his tea cup. A crooked cross was the only distinguishable pattern he could see. "Trials," he announced. "Well, that's good to know."  
  
"Mine says to expect a visitor," Lily laughed.   
  
"You're making that up!" James shouted. She smiled then nodded.   
  
Sirius chuckled; a low, throaty sound. "Oh, Lily. How can we make you a Marauder? You can't hold a straight face," he lamented. "You had him going."  
  
"A Marauder? No thank-you. I am a proper lady. Can you imagine me in detention with a bunch of sweaty boys?"  
  
"Don't knock it. Detention was one of my favorite courses," Sirius said.  
  
"What's in your cup then?" she asked. Sirius turned his brightest smile on her; a smile she had proven immune to.  
  
"Oh, the usual: Death, destruction, general unpleasantness." Lily and James laughed slightly but it soon faded. A thick silence returned in the laughter's wake.  
  
"It really is time to go, James," Lily said at last, setting down her tea cup. James followed her lead.   
  
"Shall we clean up first?" he asked.  
  
"I can get it," Sirius said.  
  
"That's twice you've cleaned up after me," James reminded him.  
  
"I don't mind. It gives me time to think," he said. "But let my walk you to the door." He rose and draped an arm over Lily's shoulder. "Promise me, that you'll let me help," he said to Lily. "I know you two have it covered. Harry won't want for anything. But I'm his Godfather. Let me spoil him." Lily searched his thin face, clearly puzzled.  
  
"Harry?" she asked. Sirius smile stumbled. He looked around at James.  
  
"I thought that was his name." James shrugged. "It's _not_ his name?"  
  
"Well, we hadn't decided," Lily started. The gray eyes clouded over and she hurried on, "But it sounds lovely. Yes, I like the name 'Harry'."   
  
"Good!" Sirius exclaimed. "You scared me. I thought I was going to have to return the monogrammed nappies." Lily and James laughed as they pulled on their wet overcoats. They hugged Sirius good-bye in turns. Smiling, they stepped out into the freezing rain and disapparated. 


	4. April 1980

**April  
**  
His hooves beat the ground as he ran. All around him, the gnarled trees of the Forbidden Forest snatched at him. _"Where was he!? Where had the werewolf gone?!"_ The forest held every scent close to the ground. Prongs ran with his great head down; searching for Moony's scent.  
  
"Prongs!" The stag pulled up sharply, looking around.  
  
"_Padfoot?"_ he thought. _"Padfoot. Where are you?"_ There was no answer._ "I've lost him! I can't find Moony!"_ Prongs started forward again.  
  
"Prongs! Please!" Sirius' voice sounded full of anguish and pain. It bit through the curtain of sleep.   
  
James opened his eyes, his mind not yet out of the dream. The remnants of the Forbidden Forest lay around him. He could still smell the mold, the undergrowth and the criss-crossing mustiness of the werewolf's trail. With a sigh, he turned over and found his wife lying beside him. Smiling, he closed his eyes and started drifting away.  
  
"Wake up!'  
  
James startled back awake. It _was_ Sirius! He reached up onto his bedside table and grabbed his mirror. "I'm awake," he breathed into it.  
  
"Hurry, Prongs, please! The death eaters are here!"  
  
"Here, where?" James tumbled out of bed.  
  
"Trifles,"   
  
"The cottage?" Lily stirred beside him; her green eyes sliding open. He had the light on now and was fumbling for his clothes. Lily sat up. Sirius' wild eyes looked away from the mirror.  
  
"Hurry! They're coming!" The mirror blanked out. James stared into his own wild expression.  
  
"I have to go," he said, tossing the mirror to Lily. "I'll call you when we're safe," he finished. Lily nodded and lay back down. She wrapped her hand around the two-way mirror. A sad smile crossed her features.  
  
James apparated just down the lane from the cottage. He ducked quickly into the undergrowth along the roadside, listening hard. There was an ominous crackling sound permeating the night. "No," James breathed, starting forward through the trees. _The Dark Mark!_ A glowing green skull with a snake coming from its mouth hung in the air over the cottage. _Sirius!_ He ran forward, forgetting caution.  
  
The cottage lay in ruins. Fires still ate at what remained of the walls. "Sirius!" James screamed, starting forward into the rubble. Furniture lay scattered around the yard. Clothing fluttered across the ground. "No, no, no!" James stopped at what was left of the front door. It stood defiantly in the midst of the dying fires.  
  
He pushed it open slowly. Every interior wall of the house had caved in. The roof had fallen to the fire and was gone. His shocked mind wondered briefly if the little old lady had somewhere else to go. Then he stepped into the devastation. "Sirius!" he screamed again. His feet crunched on broken glass and the charred remains of furniture. "No, please," he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. Tears stung his eyes. "Please!" he yelled at the vanishing Dark Mark.  
  
Tears fell, burning down his cheeks. "Please, Sirius," he whispered. He trudged forward. A ragged sob clawed its way out of his throat; the sound of a breaking heart. _Nothing! No bodies! No survivors!_ James fell to his knees in what had been the sitting room. He buried his face in his hands.  
  
A numbness engulfed him. _I should try again! Try again to find him!_ But, instead, he stayed kneeling in the rubble. The hole in his heart broke through his numbness, "Sirius," he cried. An answering whine broke through his despair. James looked up. Hope raced through him.  
  
"Padfoot?" he called. The whine came again, now unmistakable. James struggled to his feet. "Padfoot?" he called again. The whines were coming from under a collapsed wall! James rushed for the pile of rubble. _Please, please, please!_ He dug into the ruins. An excited bark answered his effort. He peered under the wall. Bright gray eyes looked out at him.  
  
"Thank God! Padfoot!" he shifted the wall slightly. "Come on, boy!" he called. Padfoot growled and whimpered but didn't move. "What is it?" James struggled against the section of wall. It moved sideways, bit by bit. James then saw why Padfoot hadn't moved.  
  
The dog was lying on top of an unconscious man. A man James knew. "Frank!" He finished moving the wall, letting it crash to the ground once Frank and Padfoot were clear of it.  
  
"Oh, no." James knelt beside them. "Frank? Frank Longbottom!" he spoke into the man's ear. The dark-haired man's eyes fluttered. "Lay still, Frank," he warned. "It's James. I'm going to get you out of here." Frank remained unmoving. James turned to Padfoot.  
  
"Are you hurt?" he asked. He felt the dog over. Padfoot licked his hand. He reformed into a crouching Sirius. His robes lay about him in tatters. Black hair hung over his face and he looked out from behind it with blood-shot eyes.  
  
"I'll make it."  
  
"You and Frank can ride me," James said. Sirius nodded his consent. James let the magic carry away his human form. A large stag took its place. He pawed the ground impatiently.  
  
Sirius rose slowly, pulling a still unconscious Frank up with him. He hauled Frank up onto the stag with difficulty. Then he clambered up behind him.  
  
Prongs started off through the forest, away from the ruined cottage.  
  
"Head south, Prongs," Sirius instructed. "There are summer cottages that way. We can find a deserted one." Prongs tossed his head and turned south. Before long they could see other houses. Most had lights on in the windows.  
  
Soon, Prongs stopped in front of a dark cottage. There was no sign of Muggle inhabitants. Sirius slid to the ground and pulled Frank off after him. The stag reformed into James.   
  
"Wait here," he instructed, squeezing Sirius' shoulder; pushing him down, making sure he stayed put. James crept up the front walk and peeked into the windows. He unlocked the door and slipped inside. The house felt empty. Though it was lived in, every room full of furniture. Muggle furniture.  
  
Holding his breath, James checked every room of the cottage. It was empty. The residents were out for now. He returned quickly to Sirius and they carried Frank in and laid him out on a sofa.  
  
"I'll be back with a healer." James patted Sirius on the back. "You'll be okay?" Sirius nodded stiffly. James apparated to the lobby of St. Mungo's Hospital. He joined the line in front of the Emergency Services desk._ Come on, come on!_ At last it was his turn.   
  
"I need a healer to follow me," he spat.  
  
"What is the nature of the emergency?" the young witch behind the counter asked.  
  
James gaped at her. "I just told you! I need a healer to follow me!"  
  
"And the address so we can transport?" her smile never faltered.  
  
"I don't know the address! That's why they need to FOLLOW ME!" he shouted in her face.  
  
"Shouting will only get you sent to the back of the line, sir," she informed him politely, shaking her head. James slammed his fist into the counter. Taking a deep breath, he tried again.  
  
"My friends were attacked by Death Eaters. We took refuge in a Muggle house. One of my friends needs immediate care. He is unconscious. I need a healer to follow me back to the house where they're hiding." He shook from the effort of maintaining control.  
  
"Right. And your name?" the witch asked, looking down at a paper in front of her.  
  
"James Potter," he hissed.  
  
"Wait over there please," she indicated an area of straight-backed chairs and tables cluttered with magazines. "It will only be a moment more," she assured him when he glared at her.  
  
He stalked off to the waiting area. But he couldn't sit, or read while Sirius was out there. An eternity passed. "James Potter?" a strong voice called. James spun around and leapt for the tall thin wizard carrying a large black bag.  
  
"Yes! Are you ready? Can we go?" The wizard smiled and nodded. James pulled out his wand and disapparated to the country lane. It was a minute more before the healer appeared beside him. He studied his surroundings. "It's a bit south of here, I don't know the exact location," James said by way of apology.  
  
"It's fine, Mr. Potter. Lead on, and I shall follow," the Healer said with a smile. James ran south and the healer jogged after him. _There! On the right!_ He pulled up in front of the Muggle house. He motioned for the Healer to stay crouched down as he checked the drive to see that it was still empty. Everything looked deserted still.  
  
"They're in here," James said, creeping forward. The healer followed his lead. At the front door, he knocked softly, "Sirius? It's just me." He slipped inside. Sirius crouched beside the still unconscious Frank, his wand steadily pointed at the door. He sighed and lowered his wand when his eyes met James'.  
  
"That was fast," he whispered. As the Healer swept forward, Sirius rose shakily. James rushed forward and caught him as he fell.  
  
"Easy, Padfoot," he said, lowering him into an overstuffed armchair.  
  
Sirius chuckled, "I expect I've lost a bit of blood," he sighed. It was then that James looked down to really study Sirius. There was a large gash across his ribcage. Blood matted the tattered robes over the area.  
  
"Healer!" James called. The urgency in his voice brought the Healer at a run. James moved back. He met Sirius' eyes; eyes that burned with a feverish light. "Why didn't you say anything?" _Stubborn fool._ Sirius smiled. He nodded weakly at Frank.  
  
"He needed the help more. Did you know Alice is pregnant too?" James shook his head. "Yeah. I understand that both the babies are due at the same time." He drew in a sharp breath as the wound over his ribs closed magically.  
  
"Just rest," the Healer said to him. "I'll be taking your friend to the hospital for observation. Would you like to notify his family or shall we?"  
  
"We'll do it," James answered. The Healer stood and crossed to Frank. He pulled a small dog biscuit from his bag and took hold of Frank. In an instant they were gone, the Portkey whisking them back to St. Mungo's. James sighed and rubbed his face with gritty black hands.  
  
Sirius laughed weakly, "Remember how I've cleaned up after us the last couple times?" he asked. James dropped his hands and looked at Sirius, nodding. "Do you think you could help me straighten up a bit this time? I'm not sure I can handle it on my own." James stared around at the quiet room.  
  
Then it dawned on him what Sirius was talking about. "The other house, right?" he asked. Sirius nodded. James smiled, too tired to laugh. "I don't think I have it in me, tonight, Padfoot. Shall we do it tomorrow?"  
  
"Yes, alright. There may be clues about the Death Eaters in the rubble."  
  
"I'm beginning to think everyone is a Death Eater except the few of us in the Order," James sighed. "It'd be so much simpler to just round up every wizard out there, throw them into holding cells and then only let the ones out that we knew were on our side."  
  
"I didn't know you were bitter, James."  
  
"I thought you had died tonight, Sirius. It changes your outlook a bit."   
  
A ghost of a smile touched Sirius' lips, "I'm not so easily killed." James returned the weary smile.   
  
"Do you have your mirror? I promised Lily I'd call her." Sirius reached gingerly into a ruined pocket and brought out his two-way mirror. He handed it to James. "I know we shouldn't, but, come home with me," James offered. "Just for the night. We have a guest room."   
  
The smile crept into Sirius' eyes. "Alright, Prongs. Why not, it sounds fun," he said. 


	5. May 1980

**May  
**  
It was their new weekly routine: Head down to the local Wizard pub, tip back a few drinks, check the results of the most recent Quidditch matches. Then, full of laughter, head for home. Last night the routine had been interrupted. Walking along a deserted lane, they had rounded a corner and four cloaked and hooded figures had melted from the shadows.

  
"Well, well. Two of Dumbledore's stooges," _the first figure greeted. James clamped down hard on the laughter that bubbled up within him. Sirius, however, burst into fresh gales at these words. He stumbled forward and off to the right; away from James. Soon, he was within arm's reach of two of the Death Eaters. All four of them had eyes only for Sirius' hysterics._  
  
_Sirius fell to his knees, gasping for breath._ Gets them every time, _James thought. Unnoticed, he drew his wand. He knew that Sirius had drawn his as well, while collapsing to his knees. One of the Death Eaters shifted towards Sirius. Four spells burst forth, two per wand, shattering the darkness. The spells flew into the Death Eaters, knocking them backwards to the ground._  
  
_Sirius' laughter turned from hysterics to a superior chuckle. James rushed forward; throwing body binds on the lot of them. He knelt beside the one who had spoken._ "Tsk, tsk, tsk," _he said. With a sigh, he pulled off the Death Eater's hood. The man underneath had a familiar face, though James couldn't put a name with it._ "Four against two," _he said,_ "It hardly seems fair."  
  
_Sirius appeared beside him. He had collected the other Death Eater's hoods and wands._ "Yeah," _he said, snapping the wands in half, one at a time,_ "Next time they better send six, or maybe eight." _James stood up.  
_  
"Thanks for the distraction, Padfoot," _he said. He gathered the immobilized Death Eaters with his wand. They floated upright, their feet ever-so-slightly off the ground.  
_  
"Don't mention it," _Sirius clapped him on the shoulder._ "Let's take this slime in."

A gentle knock brought James out of his memories, breaking the late afternoon's peace. He looked up from the Prophet where he had just finished reading the official report on his and Sirius' capture of the Death Eaters. Lily had just sat down on the sofa. She glared at him, "Don't you dare make me get up, James Potter!" She was now quite large. Carrying the baby had started taking a toll on her. Her body ached constantly; her feet, her ankles, her back, and her head. When the baby moved inside her, kicking her in the ribs, she gasped for breath and had to stop everything she was doing until he lay still again.  
  
He chuckled and set down the paper, "I'll get it." Rising, he hurried for the door. When he opened it, he was greeted by a shabby, sandy-haired wizard. Warm blue eyes smiled at him, the skin crinkling into laugh-lines. "James?" he greeted, surprised, his voice little more than a growl.  
  
"Remus! What are you doing here?" James asked, forgetting his manners.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing."  
  
"Huh? But I live here."  
  
"Oh no! I have to go!" The smile melted away, "You know Dumbledore has forbidden any member of the Order meeting together at home!" he backed away.  
  
"But Moony, this isn't _my _house," Sirius called, lolloping downstairs. His hair, still wet from his recent shower, clumped into wavy black curls.  
  
"Sirius?" Remus gulped. He shook his head in dismay. "Not all three of us! And Lily too?" He turned and started back down the walk, shaking his head and muttering to himself.  
  
"Moony, wait!" Sirius called, running after him. James smiled. He caught Remus about the shoulders and bore him in a circle. James could guess well enough what they were saying. Remus would be adamant about following the rules. Sirius would shrug off his protests, stating his own logic for not following them.  
  
_Hadn't it always worked that way?_ James' perfect plan put down by Remus because it wasn't strictly legal. Sirius pulling him aside, making him see sense. Cajoling him, promising him; never threatening him. Sirius' threats only worked on Peter.  
  
Remus had to see the pattern by now; had to know that the promises were empty. _This is how we show our love for you, old friend; convincing you to let yourself live a little. It's always been this way. Even when you tried to save us from yourself._  
  
Remus, resigned to his fate, allowed himself to be led back into the Potter's house. Sirius had him by the shoulders, from behind, and steered him into the sitting room where Lily waited.  
  
"Remus!" she exclaimed. She struggled to regain her feet. Remus crossed the room and helped her up. "Look at you!" she continued.  
  
"Look at you!" he hugged her close. "Oh, Lily. I'm so happy for you." He turned, taking in James, "And you! Congratulations!"  
  
"Thanks, Moony," James said.  
  
"How much longer?"  
  
"About two more months; late July or early August," Lily answered, "It can't come soon enough if you ask me."  
  
"I heard from Frank and Alice that you were having a boy. They're having a boy, too," Remus said.  
  
"We'll have to have a party when they're both born!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus paled.  
  
"We couldn't! That would put almost half the Order in one place!"  
  
"Half? I was thinking we'd invite the lot of them!" James chuckled as horror filled Remus' face. Sirius continued, "We haven't been together since--," he paused, thinking. "Well since Aberforth came into town."  
  
"Over a year now," James added. Sirius nodded. "You two catch up," he said, "Sirius and I will start dinner." He threw his best friend a meaningful look.  
  
"Alright," Lily said, catching the look and sitting back down. Remus perched next to her on the couch. James led the way into the kitchen, Sirius trudging after him.  
  
One night in the guest room had turned to one week; then two. Sirius had simply refused to leave. And really, James had never asked him to.  
  
"I know what you're going to say, Prongs," he began, following in James' wake.  
  
"Do you?" he pulled a pan from the shelf.  
  
"I just have to pass a few messages and then he'll be on his way. But I thought you'd be happy to see him?"  
  
James conjured pasta and filled the pan with water before answering. "Dumbledore will have a fit when he hears about this. All three of us in the same place for longer than a minute. And no Death Eaters to show for it this time." He pulled a second pan from the shelf and summoned an assortment of vegetables to the cutting board.  
  
"When did you start caring what Dumbledore thought? I think last night's capture deserves a dinner party," Sirius asked. He seemed genuinely affronted.  
  
James turned on him, "I invited Remus to stay, didn't I?" Sirius studied him, anger just beneath the surface.  
  
"So you're not mad?" he asked. James opened his mouth to answer then closed it again. He grabbed a knife and started in on the pile of vegetables. Sirius watched him silently as he worked through the pile. James added the chopped vegetables to the second pan before answering.  
  
"You've endangered Lily and the baby by meeting Remus here, Padfoot. You do realize that? But how can I be mad? My two best friends are here. Together. Lily is so happy. She counts Remus as one of her best friends too. Why shouldn't we enjoy ourselves a bit; if only for tonight? I'm so tired of worrying about things. I don't want to be careful anymore. It isn't me."  
  
"Well, after last night--"  
  
"Last night we were lucky and you know it. We caught those Death Eaters off guard."  
  
"But they're scared of us, Prongs."  
  
"All the more reason to attack us, now, while we're all together and full of victory. We won't be expecting it! Not Padfoot and Prongs! They're so arrogant they'll never think that we'll attack them at home!" Lily's laughter drifted through the sudden silence. Sirius looked towards the front of the house. James returned to the spaghetti.  
  
"You're right, Prongs; you win," Sirius said once her laughter had died. The sad resignation in his voice sliced deep into James. _What have I won this time?_ James turned from his cooking. He expected to see anger covering the sadness. However, there was no anger; only a soft, sad smile. James studied him, waiting for him to continue. "I should go. Every day that I'm here, the risk multiplies. How could I have been so selfish?"  
  
"You haven't been the only selfish one, Padfoot. I've loved every minute that you've been here. And I let those risks increase. Every day I told myself to send you away. Every day I let you stay. I said good-night to you, I watched you walk up those stairs. And I knew that I'd see you in the morning. I love being with you; pretending that we're not suppose to be hiding from half the world. I've always loved being with you."  
  
Sirius smiled, "Not that first day. I didn't think we'd ever survive each other."   
  
James returned the smile, "Well, no. But you started it," he said, pointing accusingly at him.  
  
Sirius' throaty chuckle chased around the room. "Perhaps. But I wasn't going to Slytherin." He sighed, "Shall I pack tonight?"  
  
"No. Pack in August."  
  
"But you just said--"  
  
"_I know!_ I know what I just said. Were _you_ listening?"  
  
"Spell it out for me, Prongs. Pretend you're talking to Peter." Sirius' anger had flashed to the surface. _Good. Anger I know; sadness--  
_  
"Lily needs you to stay. She needs your help and she loves fussing over you. I need you to stay. I need to pretend a bit longer."  
  
"It sounds less selfish when you say it's to keep Lily happy," Sirius laughed.  
  
"That's right! I am being selfish and I will continue being so!" James folded his arms and stomped his foot, glaring in mock anger. "So Remus can stay as long as he wants and so can you."  
  
"Selfish and stupid, Prongs. What about the baby?"  
  
"You're his _Godfather_. How can you spoil him if you never see him?"   
  
"And Dumbledore?" Sirius asked again.  
  
"When did Dumbledore's opinion ever matter more than my own?"  
  
"Never. But--"   
  
"No!" James cut him off. "Not another word."  
  
"It's just that--"  
  
"This conversation is over."  
  
"Your _spaghetti_ is boiling over." What? James spun back to the stove. Frothy white water was everywhere. Sirius' barking laughter echoed through the house. 


	6. June 1980

**June  
**  
"Oh, Lily, such wonderful things!" the wheezy voice exclaimed. _I know that voice_. James hurried through to the dining room.   
  
"Peter!" he cried. The mousy little man straightened. James pushed his glasses back up onto his nose.  
  
"James! Oh it's great to see you!"  
  
"And you, old friend!"  
  
"Well, I heard from Alice that Lily was having a baby too. So I went 'round to the baby boutique to pick up two gifts and I ran into Remus and Sirius. So I came with them to drop off my gift." He indicated a small box wrapped in silver.  
  
"And the rest of this stuff?" James asked, indicating the table. Bibs of every color and design, bottles, rattles, pacifiers and teething rings covered it.  
  
"These are from Remus!" Lily held up a sheet set. Pink, blue and yellow puppies played across a white background  
  
"Oh, yes. That was the closest design we could find to werewolves. Apparently there's not much demand for werewolf-adorned baby items," Peter explained.  
  
"Can't imagine why?" James added, trying not to laugh at Peter's serious expression.  
  
"No, neither could Remus."  
  
"And everything else?"  
  
"Is from Sirius!" Lily said with a burst of laughter.  
  
"You're joking?" James stared at his wife. She shook her head no, beaming at him.  
  
"But look at it all!" James sifted through the pile. "We have most of these things already."  
  
"Oh, lay off, James," Peter interrupted, "He's so excited about the baby. I've never seen him happier."   
  
James smiled. "Where is he?"  
  
"He's out back with Remus; gardening." Lily said.  
  
"Gardening?" James' eyebrows crept towards his hairline. Lily frowned slightly and nodded. "What do you know about this?" he asked, turning to Peter. The shorter man shrugged his shoulders. But the smile on his face gave it away. _He knows_. "Alright. Seeing as how neither of you are talking."  
  
James continued through to the backyard. Their cottage sat close to a small thicket of trees. They lived close enough to the Muggles that the hum of traffic could be heard in the distance. Lily's Muggle family had come for regular visits as often as they were able. However, once her parents had past away, Lily's sister had made it clear she wanted nothing more to do with them.  
  
James stopped in mid-stride. Remus and Sirius had used magic to dig a hole in the center of his manicured lawn! They were now dropping a spindly sapling into the hole. "What in the name of Merlin's beard are you two doing?" he asked, descending upon them.   
  
"Oh, James! You're home early!" Remus said.   
  
"Not early enough, apparently," he indicated the tree.  
  
"You don't like it?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I. . ." he watched Sirius' smile falter. Remus flicked his wand and the hole filled with dirt, the turf returning to its rightful place around the little tree.  
  
"Too late, now," he said, a peaceful smile on his face.  
  
"Too late, now!" Sirius echoed, his smile returning.  
  
"I like the tree," James said after a moment. "But what's it doing here?"  
  
"It's for Harry," Sirius answered.  
  
"You bought my son a tree?" Sirius nodded.  
  
"A wand wood tree," Remus said, "Well, eventually," he added, staring at the scrawny sapling.  
  
_I will not smile_. "Remus, go help Lily, please. You and I will talk later." James stared at Sirius, pinning him to the spot until Remus had gone. He motioned for Sirius to join him and started across the garden.  
  
"It is a bit overboard," Sirius said with a sigh. "I just," he paused, searching for his next words, "needed to do it." James led them off into the thicket. He bent and retrieved a small branch, stripping the bark from it as he walked. Sirius pulled a handful of leaves from a low-hanging branch. James waited him out, watching him shred the leaves. "I'm just spoiling him," he finished.  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean living my life for me."  
  
"Oh," Sirius hung his head, "I'm doing it again, am I?" James nodded. Sirius shrugged. "How can I not? I've always lived through you James. What did I ever have of my own? A mad mother, an abusive father. Dinner if I was lucky. I never knew how a real family behaved until I found yours." Sirius stopped. James pulled up as well.   
  
He continued, "Family dinners where parents talk to you, listen to your opinions, care about your day. Sleep-overs. Outings. I had none of that. I could never hope to have it. And now," he turned to stare behind them at where the house sat, "a wife, a child, a home."  
  
"You could still have those last ones, Sirius," James said.  
  
He snorted, "Oh yes? Can you see the first date?" He pitched his voice high, feminine, "Oh yes, I love working at the ministry and what is it you do?" James smiled as Sirius continued in a debonair tone, "Ah well, I am a foppish playboy, disinherited heir of the Black Family. I spend much of my time roaming the country-side, searching for antiques and fine wines. In my spare time I work as a hit wizard for this secret Order determined to stop the take-over of our country by the dark wizard, Voldemort. Heard of him, have you?" Sirius smiled sadly and sighed.  
  
"But you could put it more gently," James suggested.  
  
"It wouldn't make any difference. No matter how I put it, eventually you'd call me on the mirror, 'Padfoot! We got a live one! Get your flea-bitten butt down here!'" James laughed at the impression. "You and Frank are the lucky ones. Your wives joined the Order before you married. They already knew what they were getting into. I could never ask someone I loved to do this." He turned back around. His gray eyes smiled, hiding a pain James knew was there.  
  
_But it's such a ghost of a life_. "Padfoot--"  
  
"It's what I want, James. It's all I want. Sharing your life_ is_ my life."  
  
"But you bought my son a tree."  
  
"Think of it as an investment. Wand wood can be very lucrative."  
  
"Sirius--"  
  
"Serious. My family owns a whole grove of wand trees. Very nice returns."  
  
James smiled at the pun. "And the stuff on the table?"  
  
Sirius chuckled, "Ah, Remus wanted to get something. Well, there's only one wizard baby supply store in the area. We were going in and Wormtail was on his way out. He and Remus went on a quest for werewolf inspired designs. And you know I can't just sit around or window shop. So I grabbed some stuff while I was waiting for them."  
  
James threw what was left of his stick into the bushes. "Let's head back," he said.  
  
"Hang on! What did Dumbledore say?" Sirius fell in step beside him. James was silent a long time. _How can I choose between my friends and my boss? Doesn't he realize what he's asking me to do? He already knows the choice I'll make. He knows Remus' choice, Sirius' choice.  
_  
"He's furious," he said. "He wants you and Remus out tonight. And he wants me to take leave; at least until Harry is born."  
  
"No. What did you tell him?" Panic edged his voice. James studied him. _You can't think I threw you out? My best friend?  
_  
"I told him I would take leave; Lily really needs me anyway and that I'd pass on the message to you and Remus."  
  
"So you're leaving it up to me and Remus to defy Dumbledore? Thanks, James."  
  
"Don't mention it."

They had reached the house again. Lily and Peter set the table after the others cleared away the baby supplies. James, Remus and Sirius trudged upstairs, arms laden with Sirius' purchases. After stowing the supplies, the three friends stood in silence, surveying the nursery James and Lily had set up for Harry.  
  
The walls and ceiling were painted a perfect sky blue. Here and there, dotting the room, Lily had painted Quidditch balls; Quaffles and bludgers. A perfect golden snitch painted above Harry's crib fluttered its silvery wings.   
  
Sirius laid an arm across Remus' shoulders. "Dumbledore wants us to leave," he said.  
  
Remus nodded. "I was wondering when he'd finally ask? He has to have known we were here from the first."  
  
"It wasn't so much asking you to leave," James said, "as issuing an ultimatum."  
  
"Get out or else what?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Or else he won't be held responsible."  
  
"What does that mean?" Remus asked.  
  
"That you're on your own if you aren't going to play along." James answered.  
  
Remus snorted, "Is that all?"  
  
"How will we ever survive all alone?" Sirius laughed, throwing up his hands.  
  
"Are you three coming down for dinner?" Peter called up the stairs.  
  
"Coming!" they shouted back down as one.   
  
"Are _you_ on your own if we stay?" Remus asked James as they filed downstairs.  
  
"Of course not. I'll have my two best friends to keep me company."  
  
With a chuckle, Sirius reached over and rumpled James' short, black hair.


	7. July 1980

**July  
**  
It was late. The summer night drew close around the small cottage. Lily lay propped up on several pillows. Her breathing had slowed as the contraction ended. The mid-wife smiled. "That wasn't so bad," she whispered. The lights, like the voices, were soft and dim. James leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on Lily's cheek. She smiled weakly. The mid-wife had set a spell to take away the sharpest pain. But there was no way to take all of it. _If I had known what this was going to put you through._ James smiled softly, sadly. _You're the bravest of us all, my sweet Lily.  
_  
Her eyes narrowed and she clamped down hard on James' wrist as a new wave of pain started. Reminding her to breathe seemed insignificant. "It's okay; you're doing it," he whispered, leaning close to her. She panted and blew, her breath hot against his face. A soft cry of pain escaped her lips.  
  
"Okay, Lily," the mid-wife said. "We're almost done, the hard part's nearly over."  
  
James chuckled. "I thought the hard part was raising them," he breathed. Lily laughed around the pain.   
  
The mid-wife surveyed him, "I meant that he's coming, the next push will have his head out."  
  
"His head? Push Lily, push!" James winced as she squeezed his wrist, the bones popping. Lily gave a final effort and lay back, panting. Her eyes held pain as they usually held laughter. James focused on her eyes. "We're almost done," he said, "You can rest in just a minute."  
  
"Okay, Lily," the mid-wife said. "One more push, he's looking good. One slow push for his shoulders." Lily's gasps came quick, tinged with cries of pain.  
  
"I love you, Lily," James placed his forehead to hers, "I love you. You can do this, you can."  
  
Somewhere below them, a door slammed. James held Lily's gaze. There were shouts. Remus and Sirius. Lily's gaze flicked to the bedroom door. "Look at me, Lily," James said. Her deep-green eyes pulled back to meet his hazel ones. She bore down again. More shouts, the sound of breaking glass sliced through the house.  
  
"Sir?" the mid-wife asked.  
  
"It's taken care of," James said. "You just do your job." _My friends will do theirs_. Lily's breath slowed, the wave of pain passing.  
  
The mid-wife bustled around behind him; small sounds, alien sounds issuing forth. "Your son, sir," the mid-wife said. James spun around, looking up. The mid-wife placed the tiny creature upon Lily's chest. "Your son, Lily," she whispered, smiling.   
  
A surprised laugh burst from Lily. She released James' wrist and embraced the newborn before her. A white numbness engulfed James. _My son?_ The mid-wife had washed the worst of the fluid from the baby and wrapped a white blanket around him before handing him to Lily. It started crying, a look of pain on the tiny, red face. _My son_. James laughed. The baby cried louder.   
  
A huge crash shook the house. Lily pulled her baby close. "James?" she breathed. He looked at the mid-wife.   
  
"Are we done?"  
  
"One more thing, the after-birth. You can go. Most fathers can't handle this part, anyway," she said.  
  
"Be right back," he promised, kissing Lily's forehead. He bent over and kissed the soft top of Harry's head. _My son!_  
  
James drew his wand as he rushed from the room. He tip-toed down the hall to the stairway. Peter crouched at the foot of the stairs. His wand lit the gloom. Beyond its weak light, darkness shrouded the first floor. "Wormtail," James hissed. The short man jumped, spinning towards him.  
  
"Oh, James. How's Lily?"  
  
"She's fine. What's the situation?"  
  
"At least five Death Eaters. There may be more outside. Remus and Sirius led them towards the backyard."  
  
"All five left?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Stay here, Wormtail." James slid past him, giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He crept through the dark house, checking every dark corner; opening every closet and cupboard. The backdoor hung from a single hinge. James pushed through it.  
  
A green spell burst against the wall beside him. James dove for the shadows to the right, landing beside the porch. He rolled to a stop and scanned the backyard.  
  
"Prongs!" Sirius shouted from the other side of the porch.   
  
A cloaked figure ran between two trees at the edge of the thicket. James set his wand, ready to let a spell fly. "Prongs! There are two to your right!" Sirius shouted.  
  
James pivoted towards the side of the house. A green spell flew at his head! He threw himself to the ground, his own spell flying wild. Two more shafts of green light sped towards him. James lunged forward. The spells hit the ground at his feet. Dirt and sod flew outward, sprinkling the area.  
  
James lay at the Death Eaters' feet. Rolling to his left, he shot two impediment jinxes at his assailants. The closest one dodged, throwing himself backwards. His companion caught both jinxes squarely in the chest. He froze, his wand up. James gained his feet and rushed forward, closing the distance between himself and the remaining Death Eater. The Death Eater charged into him.   
  
They lunged for each other's throats, trying to bring their wands to bear. James back-handed the Death Eater, rocking his hooded head back. "_Impedimenta_!" he hissed. The jinx slammed into his opponent, sending him stiffly to the ground.  
  
Struggling for breath, James bound the two Death Eaters and turned back towards the backyard. _Remus!_ His friend lay near the wand-tree sapling, flinging his arms and legs violently. "No!" James raced forward. There had to be eye-contact! Sirius had two Death Eaters on the ground as well. He was shouting something at two others. His haughty stance barely registered in James' head. He had to find the dark wizard that had Remus! It wasn't any in the yard!  
  
"_Protego_!" James threw a shield over Remus, hoping it would help. He ran for the trees behind his house. A green spell burst beside him, singeing his arm, as he entered the thicket. A numbing pain traveled up his arm, making it hard to keep hold of his wand. He threw himself away from the spell.   
  
"Potter!" He pulled up short. A wand tip brushed against his eye lashes as he blinked in the darkness. A Death Eater stood before him. A sly chuckle wafted from the hood. "And now I have you. You and your friends have been a pain in the Dark Lord's side for too long!" _Stupid! Running blindly in here!  
_  
_No! Not now!_ James felt a defiant glare settle on his face. "I'm surprised you dared to come," he forced himself to laugh. "I don't think you've brought enough friends! Your forces have been decimated! My friends will have gotten in touch with Dumbledore by now!" He watched the Death Eater fidget nervously. Then he regained his confidence.  
  
"That's not true. Dumbledore has forsaken his three rebellious lieutenants. You've defied him and he has removed his protections!" The Death Eater laughed.  
  
"They have defied me," said a soft voice behind the Death Eater. James sank to his knees. Relief flooded him._ I've never been so happy to hear that voice_. The body bind spell hit the Death Eater and he toppled to the ground beside James. Dumbledore stepped from the shadows. "Just as I knew they would. But they have not been forsaken."  
  
James closed his eyes, breathing for just a moment. Happy to be breathing. "Dumbledore," he started. He opened his eyes. Three Death Eaters floated immobilized behind the elder wizard. With a swish of his wand, Dumbledore added the fourth Death Eater to his collection. He reached out a hand to James.   
  
With a sigh, James took the offered hand and stood. "You came?"  
  
"Of course. I couldn't let you three dangle in the wind, unprotected, and then not show up to claim my prize."  
  
James grimaced, "You used us," he accused. Dumbledore nodded. "To catch a big fish--," he began.  
  
"You need big bait," James finished.  
  
"This is a war, James. I will use what tools I can. You and your friends presented the opportunity, I capitalized on it. Come now. Let's see how Remus and Sirius are faring." James followed Dumbledore back through the trees. When they reached the yard, the battle had ended.   
  
Remus sat beside the sapling, staring off into the night sky. Sirius was rounding up the immobilized Death Eaters. He stopped when he saw Dumbledore following James out from the woods.   
  
"Hmph!" he crossed his arms over his chest, unveiled anger on his face. "Did you come to gloat?" he spat.  
  
"Never," Dumbledore replied, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I daresay, Sirius, that you have enough attitude for all of us." He nodded to Remus, "No, I came to see what I had caught in my trap."  
  
"In your trap?" Remus asked. But the pieces slid together behind his intelligent eyes. "You set us up!" He glared at Dumbledore.  
  
"No, Remus. I merely took advantage of the situation. I knew Voldemort couldn't resist moving against you three. Especially once he thought you were vulnerable."  
  
"We handled it!" Sirius shouted.  
  
"Oh, you did fine. What do you say, James?" Dumbledore swished his wand and a host of floating Death Eaters joined them from the front of the house. James fell to his knees, his mouth going dry. _There are so many of them!  
_  
"We would have died," he croaked. He counted them. _Twenty-four!_  
  
"Oh, Prongs," Sirius breathed. _Had Dumbledore let only a few Death Eaters through? Just enough to give us a run for our money?_  
  
A fine trembling started in James' hands. "I just wanted to be normal," he said. "I just wanted the life I should have had." He felt tears in his eyes. "I wanted to pretend. I still want to pretend." The tears slid silently down his cheeks. "Just for a while."   
  
Dumbledore laid a soft hand on his head. "Surely, James, you see now that that is only a dream." _A beautiful dream, forever denied me_. He nodded in reply.  
  
"Oh, James," Remus said, "Look at what we almost did. What would have happened to Lily and Harry? We can't do this. Never again."  
  
"Well I'm not ready to give up!" Sirius raged, "I had this covered!"  
  
"Of course you did," Dumbledore said with a sideways wink to James. "Two dozen Death Eaters are nothing to you." Sirius' bravado melted. Anger rose in its place but he held his tongue.  
  
"Now. I am willing to take you three back with the following conditions." _Conditions?_ James frowned. _He has us now for certain. There's no getting away. Not with my family at stake._ "You will spend this last night together." Dumbledore continued. "Tomorrow, I will send three owls with three new addresses. You will move to those new homes by sunset. And there will be no more nonsense about divulging each other's whereabouts and moving in together.  
  
"Once a month we will arrange visitation with Harry and Sirius. A visitation privilege that I will revoke if you give me too much grief," he cautioned as Sirius opened his mouth. With a glare, Sirius clamped down on his unsaid words. "You will follow my instructions, to the letter. And you will fight tirelessly against Voldemort, just as you always have.   
  
"In exchange for these services, I extend to you, my protection." Dumbledore held out a hand, palm up. Three jelly beans lay there. Remus rose and took one. With a sigh, he popped it into his mouth and chewed. James took one. _It's only symbolic There's nothing to it. Damn you Dumbledore!_ He glared up at the old wizard.  
  
"You have me, well and good. Without my family, I would leave."  
  
"I don't doubt that you feel that way, James."  
  
"Then don't doubt that I would act on those feelings. I have once. And I would again. Were it just me, I'd take my chances against the Death Eaters." He met Dumbledore's gaze, unblinking.  
  
The old wizard nodded slowly. He bowed his gray head as James ate the candy.  
  
Sirius strode over. Anger crackled around him. He stood nose to nose with the elder Dumbledore. Icy gray eyes bore into the twinkling blue ones. "You will not set my visitations with Harry! He is _my_ Godson and I will see him whenever I please! _You_ do not dictate my terms of service, Dumbledore! I serve James and only James!_ He_ will set my terms!" Sirius turned from the old wizard and stared down at James; still kneeling in the grass.  
  
"Just eat the jelly bean, Sirius," James said.  
  
"If you insist," Sirius said, bowing regally to James before turning and reaching for the candy.  
  
Dumbledore pulled his hand away. "You will limit your visits with Harry to once a month, the date and time to be set by James. Any more often than once a month and you will attract too much attention again. And I promise you, _all of you_, that I will not save you a second time. If I must go through James to 'hire' you, _Mr. Black_, then I will." He held out the candy again.  
  
"You know you can't win this war without me," Sirius hissed.  
  
"I definitely wouldn't want to try," Dumbledore smiled. Sirius opened his mouth to say more then stopped. With a curt nod, he took the candy and ate it.   
  
"Right," Dumbledore continued, "I'll leave you to it. I have some paperwork to get to." He rounded up the two dozen Death Eaters and walked slowly out to the road.   
  
Remus and Sirius knelt beside James. They sat together in silence for a long time.  
  
"I bet we could dig this up, no problem," Sirius said, laying a hand on the sapling. Remus sighed.  
  
"No," James said. "We'll leave it here. This is my family home. We'll be back once Voldemort's gone." _A new goal then. I will find that abomination and I will kill him. And when he's gone, I can live in peace.  
_  
"Let's go check on Lily," Remus said, stiffly regaining his feet. They helped each other up and returned to the house.  
  
"I think we had a good showing," Sirius said as they worked their way back through the house and up the stairs. Peter had left the stairwell. _He's with Lily_.  
  
"Peter?" James called, knocking on the closed bedroom door. He opened it slowly, peering in at a tired Lily and a beaming Peter.  
  
"James!" Peter stage-whispered, "He's beautiful! A little angel. He's sleeping, come see." The three friends filed in. Sirius and Remus crowded close to Peter; leaning over him as he sat at the head of the bed. James sat beside him, taking Lily's hand.  
  
She smiled sadly, "Peter said that Dumbledore was here." James swallowed hard before nodding. "He saved us, right?" Again James nodded.  
  
"We have to move tomorrow," he told her, "He's finding us a new house tonight." She sighed and nodded.  
  
"Here, Remus," Peter said, handing Harry up to him. "He's waking up." Sirius and Remus cooed and babbled inches away from the baby's face. "He's so little," Remus whispered, smiling up at Lily and James.  
  
"He has my eyes," Sirius said, elated.  
  
"What?" James looked up at him.   
  
"Well, they're gray."  
  
"You git," Remus said, shoving him with a shoulder, "All newborns have gray eyes."  
  
"Oooo, you know so much," Sirius laughed, quietly.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I do," Remus answered. He started babbling at the baby. "Yes, I do. That stupid git. You have Lily's eyes. Yes you do."  
  
"And the mid-wife?" James asked, ignoring the two grown men fussing over his son.  
  
"She left as soon as she could," Lily said. "She said to rest and let you take care of the baby tonight. Though she didn't seem sure that you'd be back." She smiled and chuckled at the scene at the foot of the bed. James turned.   
  
Remus had handed the baby to Sirius. His thin face shone beneath his wild black hair. "He's so tiny," he said. "Look at his nose, his fingers. Oh, he's smiling at me, look Moony." Remus nodded. "Do you know what today is?" Sirius asked the baby, nose to nose. "It's your birthday. Yes it is," he pitched his voice high and soft. "It's your birthday." Harry reached out and Sirius laid a finger in his palm. "Oh, you're so strong. Just like your father. Yes you are. Shall we sing then? You'd like that?"  
  
"Oh, no." Remus turned to James, "Stop him, please." He strode back towards Sirius. "Anything but your singing. Please, Sirius." Peter chuckled. Sirius looked up for a brief second, before turning back to Harry.  
  
"Happy birthday to you," he crooned, just slightly off-key and throaty. He spun slowly at the foot of the bed.   
  
"Too late!" Remus lamented, burying his face in his hands and plugging his ears.  
  
"Happy birthday to you," Sirius rocked Harry in the crook of his elbow. "Happy birthday dear Harry," he drew out the name, "Happy birthday tooo, youuu."  
  
Remus let out a soft howl on the last note. James' smile came back. "It wasn't so bad," he critiqued.  
  
"Not so bad!" Remus stage-shouted, "There'll be dogs from here to London struck deaf by that voice."  
  
"You're just jealous. I've heard your singing voice too," Sirius said as James, Peter and Lily laughed quietly. "Besides, Harry liked it, he fell asleep." Sirius returned the sleeping baby to James.  
  
"Check for a heartbeat," Remus murmured. "That song may have done him in."  
  
James studied the sleeping baby in his arms. _Harry. Everything I am is sleeping here in my arms. Everything I dreamed of doing, but didn't get to do, everything I've done so far. It's all here, lying in my arms. And he likes Sirius' singing_. James smiled sadly.   
  
"Thanks, Wormtail," he whispered. "Thank-you for watching our backs, protecting this precious soul."  
  
"Anytime, James, anytime," Peter beamed. He stood. "I ought to go. It's way past my bedtime." He gave a wheezy chuckle and patted Remus on the shoulder. "Take care, Moony."   
  
"Will do," Remus promised, clapping him on the arm.  
  
"Sirius," Peter nodded towards the taller man.  
  
"Goodnight, Wormtail," Sirius whispered.  
  
"James, Lily. I'll see you soon." He waved as he left the room, showing himself to the door. Remus headed for the door too.  
  
"I'm going to pack. I expect Dumbledore will move us as far apart as possible. I'll need most of tomorrow for traveling."  
  
"You should have held out for better conditions, Moony," Sirius chided.   
  
"Yeah, a luxury flat, perhaps." James smiled up at the werewolf.   
  
He chuckled. "_You_ may have gotten it. Me, I owe Dumbledore too much already. I'll be happy with a roof that doesn't leak and two square meals."   
  
_You deserve better._ James returned the sad smile, "Alright, Moony," he said. "Suit yourself." Remus nodded and left for his guest room.  
  
Sirius crept up on Lily's other side, almost unsure of his welcome. James watched him. He bent low and kissed Lily on the head. He stayed bent over, meeting James' gaze. "You'll let me know if you need anything?" he asked.  
  
"Of course, Sirius," Lily whispered. "I think, right now, I only want sleep." Sirius smiled and straightened up.   
  
"Now, Prongs, I don't want to catch word that Dumbledore is setting my visits through you. That will make me very angry." His smile reached everywhere except his eyes. His eyes had grown stone-cold.  
  
"Never, Padfoot." _It may be what Dumbledore is thinking, but I won't do it._ Sirius returned to James' side of the bed, kneeling down to put his face close to Harry's.  
  
"I'll see you soon, Harry. Sleep well." He laid a soft kiss on Harry's head. Harry stirred, but did not wake.   
  
James smiled up at him as he rose. "We'll be baptizing him in August. Think you can make it? I'll let you know the exact place and time."  
  
Sirius stared at him for a second. "I'm his Godfather. I have to be there." He pulled up, startled, "I have to have gifts for him." He turned for the door, "Goodnight Lily," he said. "See you in the morning, Prongs."  
  
_One last time. One last morning to pretend._ "Yes, Padfoot, you will," he whispered. 


	8. August 1980

**August  
**  
Dumbledore's Portkey deposited them on the front lawn of a large, newly-built country estate. James took the Portkey with him as he started for the front door.  
  
"Hang on," Sirius called. "This isn't your place, is it?"  
  
"No," James returned. "It's the place Dumbledore arranged for us." He turned back to the party. They had all dressed in their absolute best dress-robes. Sirius had even pulled his hair back into a slick ponytail, held at the nape of his neck with a golden band. Harry wore the white ceremonial robes Sirius had given him. Lily held him close, looking out across the front garden. Remus and Peter flanked her. Sirius had stepped away from the group, following James for a couple steps.   
  
James held up the teapot Portkey and a large silver door key. "He handed me these and said," He mimicked Dumbledore's voice, "'If you are inclined to do any entertaining after Harry's ceremony, please use these'."  
  
Sirius chuckled, "That's a fair Dumbledore."  
  
Reassured, they followed James into the large house. Peter whistled, "Look at this place," he said. He led Lily by her free arm. "I wonder what old Dumbledore stocked it with." He pulled her towards the kitchen. She past Harry off to Remus as she went by. Remus smiled down at Harry who started crying.   
  
"Oh, dear. Did you want your mummy?" he asked, smiling. "Well let's go find her, shall we?" He followed Lily and Peter into the kitchen. Sirius draped an arm across James' shoulders.  
  
"That was a great ceremony," he said. James nodded. It had been lovely. Everything had been perfect. Everyone had been loving and wonderful. Well, there had been a slight snag; Lily's Muggle relatives had not shown. They, too, had a young son Lily had told him when she'd insisted on inviting them. _Oh well. It was probably for the better.  
_  
"I think Lily had the hardest job; keeping Harry happy while the speeches were said," James said.  
  
"I did offer to hold him." Harry's cries echoed through the house. "See," Sirius said. "He's still unhappy."  
  
"It's probably those dress-robes. It's awfully hot and uncomfortable in mine." James undid his high collar as he spoke.  
  
"I'll stop him, you watch." Sirius strutted into the kitchen, his black robe flowing around him. James followed at a respectful distance. In the kitchen, Remus sat upon a barstool next to a large bar, bouncing a fussy Harry on his knee. He had a look of determined patience on his face. Lily had removed the white dress-robes, leaving Harry in a pale blue one-piece. She folded the robes neatly.  
  
"He's not hungry," she sighed, "And he's dry. Maybe he's just tired."  
  
"_Accio_, Harry," Sirius called, flicking his wand in Harry's direction. Harry shot from Remus' arms and flew across the room. Sirius caught him easily and pulled him close to his heart.  
  
"Sirius!" Lily shrieked. "Did you just _summon _my son?!"  
  
A look of mortal fear crossed his face. "No," he squeaked. James and Remus laughed.  
  
"Yes you did! Sirius Black, YOU DO NOT SUMMON BABIES!"  
  
"Cover me," Sirius called and left the room with Harry. Lily glared at James and Remus as they doubled over with laughter. Peter ducked in from the pantry. He smiled at the laughter.  
  
"I missed something, I can tell," he sighed.  
  
"James Potter!" Lily shouted. "Go get my son right now!" She slammed a hand down on the bar.  
  
"I'm going, I'm going," he laughed. As he left, he heard her complain to Peter about the irresponsibility of it all; Remus filling him in on what he'd missed.  
  
_Now, if I was absconding with a fussy infant, where would I go?_ James listened intently. Harry had either stopped crying or, more than likely, they were outside. He headed for the front yard, looking out the door before opening it.   
  
They were in front; camped out under a great oak tree. Sirius had removed his own dress-robes and spread them out as a blanket. Harry lay on top of the black silk. Sirius had on a black shirt and cut-off jeans. He leaned over Harry, burying his face in the baby's belly and pulling away, shaking his head back and forth. He bowed forward, a dog at play.

Smiling, James opened and closed the door loudly, warning Sirius that he wasn't alone anymore. He looked up at the sound, a smile on his face. He had taken out his ponytail and his hair fell around Harry in a dense curtain.  
  
"See? No more crying," he said, sitting up on his heels and indicating Harry with both hands.   
  
James hunkered down beside him. "You've laid your silk dress-robes on the wet, muddy ground," he observed. Sirius shrugged.  
  
"It was worth it, watch." He pulled his wand from the back pocket of his jeans. "_Wingardium Leviosa,_" he breathed. Harry floated a couple inches off the ground.  
  
"Are you insane?!" James lunged forward, plucking Harry from the air.  
  
"He loves it!"  
  
"I don't care! If Lily saw that--" _What? What would she do?_ "She'd pitch a fit!" he finished. Sirius laughed and lay down across the silk. James stood, Harry held against his shoulder. He looked down at Sirius. Sunlight filtered through the oak's leaves, speckling Sirius' smiling face.   
  
"I'll be back," he said. "I have to take Harry back to Lily before she decides to start throwing things."  
  
Inside, he deposited a sleepy Harry into Peter's arms. Remus and Lily were rummaging through the fridge and pantry, pulling a variety of luscious foods together into a bizarre hodge-podge dinner.  
  
James searched the ground floor for the bathroom. When he found it, he conjured an outfit to match Sirius'; an emerald green polo shirt and baggy jeans. Then he changed out of his dress-robes and suit. He smiled at himself in the mirror before leaving. "I'll be out in the front garden!" he called towards the kitchen as he hurried out to Sirius.  
  
Sirius lay on his back, his head on his laced fingers. "Muggle clothes are the best, aren't they?" he asked, surveying James' new attire. He nodded to his right, "Have a seat," he said. James grimaced as he settled onto the silk robes. He laid back, his head beside Sirius'.  
  
They laid together, breathing in the warmth of late summer. "Are you going to ruin a perfectly good day by bringing up business?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Only if you want me to," James smiled. _That should be enticing._  
  
Sirius lay silent for nearly two minutes. "Okay, ruin it," he said. James flicked his wand and produced a small scroll. It fell onto Sirius' stomach.   
  
"That scroll holds the names of three Death Eaters and their last known addresses." He waited for Sirius to unseal the parchment and read the names upon it. "Sic 'em, Padfoot," James whispered.  
  
"Are these names from you, or Dumbledore?" Sirius asked, his voice cold.  
  
James hesitated. "They're from me," he said at last.   
  
"So they haven't been confirmed?"  
  
"They're confirmed. I confirmed them myself." _Come on, Padfoot! Just take them! Now's not the time for questions.  
_  
"And what if we're cutting off one of Dumbledore's spies?"  
  
"No, these three aren't high up. They're just foot soldiers." _If I had wanted to, I could have chosen higher-ups. But Dumbledore does have a spy or two somewhere._ "I got those names off a confession list and ran them past the spy. He wouldn't okay himself for a hit. They're good to go. They just need you to punch their tickets."  
  
"And if Dumbledore gets mad about your new pro-active stance?"  
  
_That's a question I don't have an answer for. All I know is that I'm tired of being on the defensive. Dumbledore keeps calling this a war. Well, battles are started by both sides in a war_. "If he comes to you, send him to me," James answered.  
  
"Then consider it done, Prongs." Sirius sighed. James turned to look at him. He watched the joy and light return to his friend's eyes. _I'm so glad you're on my side.  
_  
"James, Sirius!" Remus called, "Come inside!"  
  
James stood up. He reached down to pull Sirius to his feet. "Are you up for a game of chess after dinner?" he asked.  
  
"Sure." Sirius gathered up the ruined silk robe. He studied it for a moment and then vanished it.  
  
"You know I always win," James said, chuckling.


	9. September 1980

**September**  
  
"Ahh! Daddums pushing a pram!" a laughing voice called from behind him. James smiled and turned around, stopping. Sirius was striding towards him. He was dressed in his Muggle best: navy blue tank-top and faded, cut-off jeans. His hair cascaded around his shoulders. A pair of mirrored sunglasses hid his eyes and black sandals on his feet completed the outfit. As he walked, women turned to follow him with their eyes.  
  
_How can he fail to notice all those looks the ladies keep tossing at him?_ James shook his head as his friend caught up to him. Sirius leaned over the pram and pulled the sunglasses off.  
  
"Alright, Harry?" he asked. Harry's big grey-green eyes doubled in size. Sirius laughed; the bark startling Harry, making his eyes even bigger. "Sorry, mate," he apologized. He set his sunglasses on the top of his head and plucked Harry from the safety of the pram. He held him to his shoulder as James started forward.  
  
Sirius kept pace with him, "What a lovely day for a walk in a Muggle park," he said.  
  
"Yes it is," James answered. A different quality of woman now appreciated Sirius as they walked. James chuckled. Whereas before it had been the young, single ladies, now it was the mothers with babies of their own and children trailing after.   
  
"What?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I was just noting that the women with children enjoy watching you much more when you're holding Harry."  
  
Sirius gaped at him before chuckling. He flipped his hair back over his shoulder, pulling it out of Harry's grasping hand. "Of course they do."  
  
A remembered conversation. Remembered pain and anger. _"There are more important things in life than girls, Prongs! How can you choose a date with Lily Evans over being with Moony when he needs us!   
  
Best friends forgive. Moony and Padfoot forgave me for going out with Lily. And I forgave Sirius for hitting me.  
_  
"I'm almost afraid to ask what you're thinking now," Sirius said.  
  
"I was remembering that time you punched me."  
  
"What?" confusion crossed his face, "Sixth year? Or Seventh?"  
  
"End of sixth year." he watched as Sirius retreated into thought.  
  
"Looking back now," he said after a time, "I'd have to say that it was probably a good choice on your part." James laughed. "You know," Sirius continued, "I kept waiting for you to get me." He switched Harry to his other shoulder.  
  
"Get you?"  
  
"Yeah. For punching you."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Hmm. Who knows what dastardly deeds lurk in the mind of Prongs?" James laughed.  
  
"That was the summer you came to stay with us," he said after a moment. Sirius nodded. He pulled his hair away from Harry again.   
  
"You're a troublemaker," he said to Harry.  
  
"Like father, like son," James replied.  
  
They walked along in silence for a while. All around them, Muggles enjoyed the late September sunshine. Children laughed and played; swinging, sliding, and skipping rope. James watched them. _Muggles have it so easy_.   
  
"I don't want to see Harry on Halloween."  
  
Sirius' words startled James from his thoughts. "Why not?"  
  
"I want to see him. I just don't want to wait four weeks. End of July, very end of August and now the last day of September. Can't I see him in two weeks? Once a month is once a month, right?"  
  
"But then you'd just have to wait at least three weeks to see him in November and," he paused to count, "about six weeks to see him for Christmas."  
  
"I know."  
  
James studied him suspiciously. "Why do you care all of a sudden? What's happening in two weeks?"  
  
"Oh, nothing." He switched arms again, moving his hair before Harry could find it.  
  
James watched him. "Why don't you put him down? I'll let you push the pram."  
  
"I'm fine. He's not heavy." James snorted.  
  
"I haven't believed a word you've just said to me." Sirius smiled broadly. "I don't believe you about 'nothing' happening in two weeks, and I don't believe you can carry Harry the rest of the way."  
  
"Are you willing to bet?"   
  
"Not on the two weeks thing. You would just change the date on me."  
  
"Then on carrying Harry. But I'm allowed to change position."  
  
"And if you carry him until we reach the other side of the park. . ."  
  
"Then you get me double pay for my next job."  
  
James laughed. "And you'll do it for free if you can't make it."  
  
"Fair enough."  
  
"Then it's a bet." James held out a hand and they shook on it. They walked on for another minute. James stretched his arms up over his head, momentum carrying the pram forward. He rolled his head and shoulders, groaning loudly for added effect.  
  
"Oh, ha ha," Sirius chided, trying not to smile. He hitched Harry to his other shoulder. The baby had fallen asleep. James chuckled. "Shh, he's asleep."  
  
"Uh oh. Now he'll be dead weight. Looks like we'll have a bit extra in the vault next week."  
  
"Next week?"  
  
James nodded. They waited for a group of joggers to pass. "Confirmed?" Sirius asked in little more than a whisper.  
  
"Yes."   
  
"By you? Or are they from Dumbledore?"  
  
"Mine."  
  
"Prongs!" Harry startled in his arms and started to cry. Sirius shushed him, patting his back and rocking him as they walked. Before long, Harry had drifted back to sleep. He continued in a soft voice, "Dumbledore nearly took my head off last time. I told him that I hadn't known he hadn't commissioned the hits. He talked to you, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But. . . If I go off after dark wizards that he hasn't approved-- Prongs, I'm supposed to double-check all the assignments you give me with him."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You do? Then why ask?"  
  
"He thinks he holds your leash, Padfoot. You told him yourself in July that I'm the one holding it." _That ought to get him.  
_  
"So I'm going to have to do this for free?"  
  
"I'll pay you."  
  
"_You'll_ pay me?" James nodded in answer.  
  
"That's mutiny, that is," Sirius said after a moment. "What happens to us when he gets wind of the deaths?"  
  
James shrugged. "He's too cautious. I want Voldemort and his followers taken out. I'm tired of hiding, waiting, reacting to their actions. It's time they reacted to us."  
  
"Doesn't that sound a bit self-destructive to you? I mean, we're outnumbered almost ten to one."  
  
"Not for long," James smiled wickedly.  
  
Sirius gaped at him. "That's not funny, James. I can't take on Voldemort's forces by myself. They're going to find out it's me and start hunting for me. Why do you think Dumbledore's so hesitant to use me?"  
  
"So you won't take them?" _You have to, Padfoot, please. They're the ones who organized the last Muggle Death-capade._ James glared hard at him. Sirius didn't answer. He shifted Harry back to his other arm.  
  
"These are the last ones of your own, Prongs. I mean it. But it'll have to wait until closer to Halloween. I'm busy next week."  
  
"And the week after?"  
  
"Yes. And then I'll have a surprise for you and Harry. Though, I don't think Lily will approve." He stopped walking, flexing his shoulders, laying Harry across his arms. James gave him a knowing smirk. "Hey, do you see that Muggle over there?" he gestured with his head. James looked and saw a young mother with a toddler in hand and a baby in a pack-like carrier, riding upon her chest. He nodded.  
  
"Do you think you can get one of those slings she's using, for Harry by the time I see him again?"  
  
"Heavy isn't he? You wouldn't think it, he's so small."  
  
"If you don't think you can, I'll get it."  
  
"No, no. I'll find one. Lily's good in Muggle shops. I'll tell her about it." James looked at him, then ahead of them. The park ended in just about fifty meters. "I know you're not going to put him down now, Padfoot."  
  
"Got that right." Sirius started forward, eyes on the stone wall surrounding the park. His pace quickened as he neared the wall. James hung back, enjoying the last of his time away_. He's going to kill me when he gets there first._ Sirius reached the wall and turned around. James smiled and waved, nearly thirty meters behind.  
  
"Get that damn pram over here or I'll lay him on the ground!" Sirius shouted. James laughed and sped up.   
  
When he reached the wall, Sirius carefully laid Harry in the pram and sank to his knees. "Merlin!" he gasped, massaging his shoulders, shaking his arms. "Double pay, Prongs," he laughed.  
  
James knelt beside him. "I know. But at least you won't be around to collect until November." Sirius' smile faded.  
  
"Give me the names," he said. James reached into his breast pocket and took out a small, folded paper. He handed it to Sirius.  
  
Sirius read it over twice, his eyes darting down the list. _Three names. Three hundred galleons per name.  
_  
"I don't like being on anyone's leash. I'm a stray," he whispered. "But, if I must walk at the end of one, I'll choose yours. Just say the words."  
  
"Sic 'em, Padfoot." 


	10. October 1980

**October  
**  
James pulled his broomstick in for a landing. He touched down in a thick bed of leaves, scattering them up into the crisp air. Harry watched them flutter away and glide beck down to the earth. The baby rode in his new carrier, facing forward, watching the world from his perch at his father's midriff.   
  
James looked around. He had followed Sirius' directions to the letter. _Ah well, I'm early or he's late_. Harry kicked excitedly at his stomach. "Whatcha think, Harry?" James asked aloud. He propped his broomstick against a tree and hugged his son close. Several minutes passed. The woods had been painted in the warmest of colors; warm colors to chase away the coming cold. Birds sang in the trees around them, the breeze rustling through the last, stubborn leaves.  
  
"Pretty lonely. Do you reckon Padfoot was having us on? I wouldn't put it past him."  
  
An angry buzzing tickled at the edge of his hearing. As it grew louder, James looked around. "That's a Muggle contraption, if ever I heard one," he whispered. The buzz grew to a growl. James ducked behind a tree, peering between the grey trunks, waiting for the Muggle to pass. _Wait a minute_. James looked up into the air. The growl was coming from the sky! James left his hiding place and looked up. A black shape was growing large in the sky. As it closed in on their position, the growl became a roar. It landed heavily in the clearing. It was a motorcycle!  
  
James backed away as it headed for him. It came to a stop inches from where he stood. Harry waved and kicked at these amazing sights. If only he could get to them! The engine cut off and Sirius climbed down from the seat. _Bloody Hell!_ "Sirius! Are you out of your mind?!" James shouted. "What--" he waved at the bike, speechless.  
  
"Yes!" Sirius answered. He pulled a helmet off his head and shook out his mane of hair. Harry kicked excitedly at the sudden appearance of his buddy. "Harry!" Sirius swooped over, dropping his helmet into the leaves. He hunkered down to talk eye to eye with the baby. "Hey big guy. Whatcha doing? Hanging out? You're so happy. Did you miss me?"  
  
"What are _you_ doing?" James asked. "What is that?" he waved at the motorcycle.  
  
"It's my new bike. Made it myself." His face lit up with pride.  
  
"It's a flying motorcycle!" Sirius nodded calmly at James. "Haven't you ever heard the name Arthur Weasley? He works for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office."  
  
Sirius laughed, "Oh, Arthur. He's not going to give me grief. I asked him about it."  
  
"You did?" James looked at him. _I don't believe it._  
  
"Well, I wrote him an anonymous letter, asking for clarification on the finer points of the law."   
  
"And what did he say?"  
  
"He said that as long as I wasn't planning to harm Muggles, there were no laws stopping me. I think I may have started his brain turning though."  
  
"How do you mean?"  
  
"Well he went off about drafting new laws and getting my input on them."

James chuckled. "Here," he said, hoisting Harry out of the carrier, "hold Harry." Sirius took Harry while James climbed out of the baby carrier. Then he helped Sirius put it on. Padfoot turned away from him, talking to Harry about the motorcycle. James walked over to inspect it.  
  
Shiny chrome glinted in the sun. He ran a hand along the black seat, up to the handlebars. Taking hold of the handles, he squeezed. _Nice!_ He flung a leg over and sat down on the seat. The bike shifted beneath him, adjusting to his size, until it fit perfect. "Wow," he breathed.  
  
He looked up at Sirius and smiled. Sirius was spinning Harry in a slow circle above his head. Harry flailed in excitement and Sirius laughed. "Hey, how do you start it?" he called. Sirius stopped and looked over.   
  
"Helmet first, Prongs," he called, smiling. He bent and grabbed his. Bringing it over, he handed it to James and waited for him to put it on. Sirius ran through the controls, steering, stopping, and starting. "No flying," he chided. "Practice on the ground first."  
  
James nodded and with one hand on the brake he jumped on the kick-start. The engine roared to life. "Whoohoo!" he shouted over the roar. He let off the brake and started cautiously forward, steering clumsily through the trees, getting acquainted with the strange machine. _This isn't so bad._ He picked up speed. Soon, he whipped through the trees, the wind against his face. Leaves flew in his wake. The ground dipped and rose and the bike followed it flawlessly, hopping over small hills. James made a wide arch and headed back towards Sirius and Harry. Pulling up in front of them, he cut the engine and took the helmet off. "This is great!" he said, his smile stretching ear to ear.  
  
"Shall we fly?" Sirius asked eagerly.  
  
"We? You mean with Harry?" James' smile faltered.  
  
"Why not? Now wait," he started as James opened his mouth. "I've put every safety spell I can think of on it." He indicated the motorcycle. "I even have an _auto-arrest_ if you happen to fall off. Look, I have a second helmet." And he conjured another one. "You take Harry in the carrier and I'll drive." He smiled.  
  
"But Lily--"  
  
"Doesn't have to know." Sirius smiled mischievously. _There's that smile again. The one I can't say 'no' to_. James sighed. _When we were young, we kept that smile alive as long as we could; he seemed to die without it. It must be habit to give in to it._  
  
"Alright, Padfoot." He scooted back on the long seat. Sirius handed over the baby carrier and then Harry. When they were settled, he climbed on. Sirius strapped on the new helmet and started the bike. It roared to life beneath them. James grabbed him from behind, Harry sandwiched between them.  
  
They roared across the clearing, leaving the ground. Sirius drove them through the treetops, the branches whipping around them. Then they were out in the clear, blue sky. Sirius banked wildly, slaloming through the sky, leaning first to the right then to the left. Harry grabbed for him, kicking, trying to get a better view. They climbed upwards, the air chilling around them for a moment. Then Sirius dove. The movement pulled another whoop from James. Harry laughed between them.   
  
The ground rushed up to meet them. Sirius pulled out of the dive, the tires of the bike, skimming the tops of the bushes, sending leaves skyward in a curtain of red and gold. Sirius laughed and whooped. James threw his arms up over his head, a shout of joy echoing Sirius'.   
  
They climbed again. James grabbed hold. Leveling off just over the treetops, Sirius took them in a large, slow circle around the woods. When they had returned to the clearing, landing with a soft thump, Harry had fallen asleep. Sirius shut off the bike. They sat upon it, relearning how to be on the ground. The quiet seemed wrong somehow after the constant roar of the engine. James let go of Sirius as he dismounted. They pulled off their helmets.   
  
"Oh, the little dear," Sirius breathed when he saw Harry sleeping. He bent close and kissed Harry's head.  
  
"That was great, Padfoot," James said, shaking his head.  
  
"You liked it?" James nodded, a small smile for a reply.  
  
"Harry too, apparently." James looked down on his sleeping son. "He rather fancies the broomstick as well."  
  
"He'll be Quidditch Captain when he gets to Hogwart's," Sirius predicted. James nodded. "Do you reckon he'll be a seeker, like you?"  
  
"Oh, definitely. It's in the blood."  
  
"Well, Prongs," Sirius said after a minute, "I'd better go. I've a job to do. I'll see you in four weeks?"  
  
James nodded. "And then, so I know, Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day?"  
  
Sirius thought for a moment. "Let's go with Christmas Eve."  
  
"Alright." Sirius suddenly pulled him close, embracing him around Harry.  
  
"I have a bad feeling, Prongs. Be extra careful, won't you?" James pulled back, studying him.   
  
"Of course, Padfoot. I will be."  
  
With a nod, Sirius replaced his helmet, Vanished the one James had worn and remounted the bike. With a smile, a wave and a roar of the engine, he was gone.


	11. November 1980

**A/N:** There was some confusion concerning the last chapter and this one. I would like to apologize for anything I may have done to contribute to this and take this opportunity to set the record straight and clear up any confusion.  
  
This fanfic takes place in 1980. Harry is three months old at this point in time. He's fine. And when the sun rises on November 1st, 1980, James and Lily are fine too. Don't panic. You have plenty of time before you have to worry about Halloween night, 1981.  
  
Any foreshadowing in the last chapter was meant for my future plot devices, not James' eventual demise.

----------

**November  
**  
"I have an assignment for you, James. It is a very delicate situation."  
  
"Of course, Dumbledore. What do you need me to do?"  
  
"I need you to escort one of our operatives. He will be in a meeting at this address." Dumbledore passed over a paper. "However, you can't be seen to escort him. The reason he needs an escort is that he's been targeted for death."  
  
James nodded. "You want me to identify Voldemort's hit-man?"  
  
"Yes. The meeting is in two day's time at nine in the evening. I'm not sure when it will end. You'll know our operative by his purple cloak."  
  
"Consider it done, Dumbledore."

----------

James pulled his cloak up around his neck and ears. _This is crazy! I've been here since eight-thirty, freezing my butt off!_ The dingy pub in the street below him went dark. James ducked down, watching and waiting as the meeting broke up. _There he is!_ A tall, thin figure wearing a purple cloak started down the wet street, half-hidden by the falling rain. James moved to follow him.  
  
He climbed down to street level as he followed the purple cloak. Any shadow could hold the assassin. James studied each one, searching for movement. _There!_ On the rooftop across the street, he saw a furtive shadow. _There he is._ Keeping the purple-cloak in his sights, he set an intercept course.  
  
As he moved, the shadow paralleled him. James stopped. _Maybe he's spotted me._ He moved on. The shadowy assassin continued trailing him. His heart skipped a beat. _He's not after the guy in the cloak. He's after me!_ James changed course, moving away from the operative. The shadow assassin followed him, confirming his suspicions.  
  
_I'm not an easy hit, Shadow-man._ James changed course again, starting for an industrial area. He soon reached a shipping yard. The box containers formed a narrow maze of paths before him. James checked for his shadow. The assassin had disappeared.  
  
Swallowing, James crept along, eyes and ears straining to hear or see. _Just one hint! Harry, Lily, I love you!_ He pulled out his wand. A soft footstep whispered across the pavement just around the corner. James held still, his breath caught in his throat. _On three. One . . . Two . . . Three!_ He leapt around the corner. The shadow assassin was there! A cold blade of light flashed towards James' head. James brought his wand up and stopped. The blade of light flew past James, singeing his ear. Sirius' grey eyes stared at him over the tip of his wand.  
  
"Prongs?" he breathed. Footsteps echoed through the shipping yard. James looked away from Sirius and towards the footsteps. The man in the purple cloak appeared. Sirius shifted his aim to the operative.  
  
"What a pity," he hissed, "You're both still alive. Dumbledore hopes this will serve as a lesson to you both." He pulled out a wand and disapparated with a POP.  
  
James looked back at Sirius. "He said you were Voldemort's hit-man." Sirius nodded, glaring at where the operative had last stood. "That's what he told you?" Again Sirius nodded. "Dumbledore set us up? I can't believe it," James whispered.  
  
"I can. I'm going to see him."  
  
"Now?" With a soft CRACK, Sirius vanished. James sighed. "Yep," he said to himself. _Should I go? Padfoot's temper is always impotent against Dumbledore. But, at the same time, I can't let him go alone._ James turned his wand around and disapparated as well.  
  
He appeared just outside the grounds of Hogwart's. Sirius was a dark shadow traveling the muddy road ahead. "Sirius! Wait!" James called, running to catch up. Sirius waited until he reached him. Then they hurried up to the castle.  
  
Sirius led the way, silently swinging the main door open. He stopped and laughed under his breath, "This brings back memories." Smiling, James nodded. They crept up to the secret entrance to Dumbledore's office. Together, they stared at the gargoyle.  
  
"Chocolate Frog," James tried. The statue didn't move.  
  
"Bertie Bott's" said Sirius.  
  
"No, he hates those."   
  
Sirius shrugged, "They're a candy."  
  
James stood in thought. "Fizzing Whizbee?" he tried.  
  
"Sugar Quill." The gargoyle stepped aside at Sirius' suggestion. Sirius gave James a meaningful look. _Yeah, you did it._ Together he and James ascended the moving stairs to Dumbledore's office. When they reached the top, Sirius barged in. James followed cautiously.   
  
Dumbledore sat at his desk, smiling softly at them. Sirius slammed a fist down in front of him, shaking the desk and sending a pile of papers to the floor. James stood beside him, hands clasped, watching Sirius master his temper. Long ago, Dumbledore had made it clear that he wouldn't put up with Sirius' rages.  
  
When Sirius' breathing had slowed, Dumbledore conjured two chairs, "Sit, please," he said, indicating them. James pulled his friend back into one, as he sat. Dumbledore smiled across at them, waiting.  
  
"I just want to know why?" James said.  
  
"We almost killed each other!" Sirius added.  
  
"And you received my message?" Dumbledore asked. James nodded. Dumbledore sighed. "You two are almost more trouble than you're worth. Do you know that?" James looked down. "You're the two greatest wizards since Voldemort himself. And when you work together . . . No one can stand against you. You know it, I know it, and Voldemort knows it.   
  
"But, quite frankly, I am _tired_ of working against both the two of you and the Death Eaters. I feel as if I've set my forces against themselves."  
  
"So you set us against ourselves," James whispered. Dumbledore nodded. Sirius sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling.  
  
"My count," Dumbledore continued, "is six killings without my say. Three minor players who may have been under the _Imperius_ curse. And three higher-ups. One of which was an important source of information. Did I miss any, Sirius?"  
  
"Just you," he whispered. Dumbledore smiled.  
  
"Sirius--" James began.  
  
"Acted on your orders," Dumbledore finished. James nodded weakly. "Perhaps. But he already knew I had countermanded those orders."  
  
"Don't talk as if I'm not here," Sirius hissed, still staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Then you will_ both_ explain yourselves. Starting with you, James." He steepled his fingers and waited.  
  
James opened his mouth and nothing came out. _You're too old, too slow, and too cautious! We have to fight back before they decide to pluck us out! Because all we are is a thorn in Voldemort's side!_ He closed his mouth then tried again. _I have a perfect wife! A perfect son! They deserve better than hiding from half our kind; worrying if the next time I go to work, will be the last time they see me!_ James closed his mouth again. _How can I say any of that?!_ He sighed.  
  
"I'm tired of it all. I want this over!" he said.  
  
"I know, James," Dumbledore smiled softly, "I know. This is a trying battle we must fight. Not everything is as it seems. Our enemies could really be our friends under a curse and we don't yet know everyone on the enemy's side. Our best friends could be our enemy's greatest spies."  
  
"No," James interrupted. "I trust _my_ friends," he whispered. "Especially you," he said, turning to Sirius. "Sirius turned away from Voldemort when we were still boys," he said to Dumbledore.  
  
"True," Dumbledore nodded. Sirius dragged his eyes from the ceiling and looked from one to the other. "And your explanation?" Dumbledore prompted, after a minute, a suppressed smile on his face and a twinkle in his blue eyes.  
  
"James asked me to do it and I did. I'm not sorry for it. James said he checked them and I believed him."  
  
"I did check them. I even ran them past your spy."  
  
"Yes, he told me," Dumbledore said with a smile. _Well he is his spy._ Sirius looked at James, skeptically. James shrugged. Dumbledore chuckled.  
  
"Please, James," the Headmaster said. "I _need_ the two of you on my side. _Really_ on my side. Enough vigilantism. You've had your revenge for July." James sat in silence. He could feel Sirius waiting for his answer. _What will you do if I say no?_  
  
"Can we be a bit more aggressive?" he asked staring hard at Dumbledore. "If we know that someone's a Death Eater, even if they may be cursed, can we move against them?"

It was Dumbledore's turn to sit and think. "And if I say 'yes' to this?"  
  
"Then I'll be a good boy," James answered, "I promise."  
  
Sirius' barking laugh rang through the room. Dumbledore stared at him until his laughter died.  
  
"Very well, James. We will move as swiftly as possible, even if I have lingering doubts." He glared at Sirius, "And you, Sirius?"  
  
"I follow James, Dumbledore. You know that."  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. I know that."


	12. December 1980

**December  
**  
James shook the rattle in front of Harry. Chubby hands reached for it, grunting merrily. Lily chuckled as he grabbed it and shoved it into his mouth. They sat on the front room floor, Harry playing before them. Lily leaned against James, hugging him from the side. James draped an arm over her shoulder. He ran a hand through her thick, red hair. She kissed him on the cheek. "Oh, James, this is perfect." He looked up at the golden Christmas tree before them. _Only one thing's missing.  
_  
There was a soft knock at the door. Lily jumped and looked at him. "Who could that be?" she asked. He shrugged and started to rise. "No. I'll get it."_ Damn._ He stood behind her, picking up Harry as she crossed to the front door. She opened the door cautiously at first, then threw it open. "Sirius?" she rounded on James. "James Potter! Why?! Why did you give Sirius this address?!" She shouted, a murderous gleam in her green eyes. "Now we'll have to move again!"  
  
"This is your home, Prongs?" Sirius asked, entering the warm house. "You promised to be good." He laughed as he removed his black, leather jacket.  
  
"I was good. I am good. It's just . . . Well, its Christmas."   
  
Lily gaped, "I don't believe you!" She glanced out into the dark, cold night. "And what is that?" she asked, pointing.   
  
"What?" James asked, not daring to move towards her.  
  
"That monstrosity in my front garden!"  
  
Sirius looked out. "That's my bike," he said, smiling.  
  
"Your bike?" Lily looked at James. He shrugged.   
  
"I've brought presents," Sirius offered, holding out three large shiny boxes. Lily glared at him. He gave her _the smile._ She sighed after a minute and hugged him.  
  
"Oh, Sirius. It wouldn't be Christmas without you. Come in. But, if Dumbledore makes us move again. . . You'd better help pack." She smiled up at him.  
  
"Of course. Now," he edged past her and made his way over to the Christmas tree. "These are for you." He passed her a large red present, "Open it."  
  
Lily sat on the carpet at his feet and opened hers first. She gasped, "No, Sirius. You didn't." Tears glistened in her eyes. "It's beautiful." She held up a shimmering green blouse. "I can't--"  
  
"Just say 'thank-you'," he whispered, kneeling before her. She dropped the blouse back into the box and threw herself into his arms. He hugged her back.  
  
"Thank-you," she whispered, crying quietly.   
  
"Padfoot, that's beautiful," James said sitting beside them, setting Harry in his lap. _He's shown me up! Oh well, she can open mine tomorrow. At least they're not the same color._ Lily pulled away from him.  
  
"I've been thinking how nice it would be to have something pretty and impractical," she said, wiping her cheeks. _Man! You owe me big, Padfoot!_ "Here, she took Harry from him. "Go ahead, James, open yours." Sirius handed him the green-wrapped one.  
  
James turned his over in his hands before tearing the wrapping paper off. Once the wrap was off and the box open, he looked up at Sirius. _I don't believe it! _He pulled out four miniature motorcycles. Sirius chuckled.  
  
"What do they do?" he asked.  
  
"Guess." He pulled out his wand and tapped them each in turn. Miniature engines buzzed to life and the bikes took off into the air. James and Harry laughed in unison.  
  
"Just like yours!" James crowed. "Did you make them too?" He glanced at Lily, realizing what he'd just said. She was studying him closely but didn't say anything. _Idiot! You just said you didn't know about Sirius' bike!_ Sirius nodded.  
  
James pulled out his own wand, sucking on the tip as he thought. He watched the bikes. "There's a spell to control them?" he mumbled half to himself. With a shrug he commanded, "_Accio_, bikes!" pointing to each bike in turn. The four mini-bikes zoomed towards him. James caught them and set them in a neat row in front of him.   
  
"That's cheating," Sirius pouted.   
  
"I'm sure there's a wonderful spell to control them. I'll have it figured out by the end of the month. I just want to see what's in Harry's package."  
  
Sirius handed the silver-wrapped box to Harry. "Here, mate," he said. The baby pulled the box to his mouth, tasting it. The three adults chuckled. He dropped the box and stared up at them, green eyes big with surprise. A huge grin split his face and he reached for Sirius.  
  
Sirius plucked him from his mother and kissed his nose. "Whatcha smiling at? Huh? What?" he cooed. Harry grabbed a fistful of black hair. Sirius laughed as he shook the lock of hair. "Okay, troublemaker. Here." He wrestled his hair from the baby's chubby fist and sat him down with the box. "Now, watch," he said. He unwrapped the present for Harry.  
  
Inside sat a large golden snitch. It was twice as large as Harry's fists. Sirius tapped it with his wand too. It rose from the box, trailing a silver cord ending in a soft cloth cuff.   
  
"Is that what I think it is?" James asked. Two thick, silver wings unfurled and the toy snitch started lazily around the carpet, inches from the ground. Harry watched it intently.  
  
"See," Sirius grabbed the cuff and slipped it around his wrist, tethering the snitch. "You can put it on anything, even Harry." He caught the snitch as it fluttered by and handed it to Harry. The baby laughed and tried to drop it but it hovered in front of him. His brows knitted together and he grabbed it again and tasted it.  
  
"Thanks so much, Sirius," Lily said, beaming. "And now your present." She stood and went to retrieve it from the tree.  
  
"It's not much," James added. She brought back a large, narrow box. Sirius took it gingerly and opened it slowly. He pulled out a photo album. He looked up at Lily and James. James smiled.  
  
Sirius opened it to the first page. "Oh Prongs, Lily," he whispered. Harry's baby pictures adorned the pages. He slept and kicked, rolled over and laughed on every page. Tears welled up in Sirius' eyes. "He's so beautiful," he whispered. _Then this I promise you, James and Lily. I will be here for your family. Until the day I die I will keep your family safe from everything and everyone. I know you will, Padfoot._ James looked away from Sirius, ignoring him as he wiped a tear from his cheek. When he reached the end of the album, Sirius closed it gently. He smiled up at them.  
  
"I really ought to have offered you something before, Sirius," Lily chimed in. "Would you like a warm butterbeer?"  
  
"Oh, well, actually, I was wondering if I could steal James for a few drinks at the pub."  
  
"Well," James looked at Lily.  
  
"No, go ahead. You two go have _guy time_. I've got to put Harry to bed anyway. Besides, I'll have you all day tomorrow," she smiled at James.  
  
"Are you sure?" She nodded. _Now I'm going to have to tell her about Sirius' bike. But not until I get back._ "Alright. If you're sure." James studied her, looking for hidden anger.  
  
"I'm sure," she smiled, kissing him gently and picking up Harry. They all stood. Sirius hugged her and kissed Harry good-night. Then James grabbed his overcoat and headed for the door.   
  
Outside, Sirius zipped up his leather jacket and headed for the bike. "In this weather, Padfoot?" James asked. "Let's just apparate." Sirius stared at him.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well. I never told Lily about October so. . ." He trailed off.  
  
Sirius shrugged, "Whatever you say, Prongs. The Teakettle?"  
  
"As good as any," James agreed, pulling out his wand and disapparating.  
  
---  
  
Two hours of warm butterbeers and pleasant conversation saw them back outside the Teakettle pub. Sirius leaned on James' shoulder. "Where's your house from here?" he asked.  
  
James giggled. "Off that way," he said. They started down the lane in the direction James had waved. Sirius slid in the slush and grabbed hold of him. Rather than halting the fall, James joined him. SPLAT! They went down into the snow and mud of the lane. Sirius laughed, great barks in the night. "Ow!" James cursed, "Get off!" He tried pushing Sirius off.  
  
James struggled to his knees and rolled over; his back covered in freezing mud. Sirius knelt in the mud, unable to get his feet under himself. Regaining his feet, James slipped and almost fell again. A new fit of laughter knocked Sirius to his knees again.   
  
"Oh, forget it!" James started off down the road. A cloaked figure appeared from behind the bushes. "I'm leaving, Padfoot!" James called over his shoulder. He pulled his wand from his coat pocket.  
  
"Wait, Prongs!" Sirius called, another fit of giggles breaking up his words. James disapparated as Sirius screamed.  
  
James stood staring at his front porch, mind hazy with drink. He stared at Sirius' bike. Something nagged at him. _One too many butterbeers._ He started through the piles of snow but stopped after a few steps. _A hooded figure. Sirius' scream._ The fog of drink blew away. "No," he breathed.  
  
James reappeared on the muddy country lane. Sirius lay on his belly in the mud. Screaming! Screaming! The hooded figure stood over him, laughing, wand dancing lightly as Sirius' limbs contorted, his back arching. James rushed the hooded figure. With a scream of his own, he plowed into the Death Eater, knocking him into the mud, pummeling the covered face, adding his own screams to the night.  
  
"Prongs!" Sirius shouted, breathless. "Come on! There are more coming!" James hit the Death Eater again, the satisfying crunch of bone coming from beneath the hood. He looked up. A dozen more hooded Death Eaters were running up the lane. "Come on!" Sirius called again. He had regained his feet.  
  
"Go!" James rose. "I'm coming!" Sirius disapparated.   
  
"_Expelliarmus!_" James' wand flew across the road. _NO_! He dove for it.  
  
"_Crucio_!" Three voices called in unison. Searing pain hit him. A scream tore past his lips. His skin felt peeled away from his body. His bones burned inside him. He fell to the road. _No!_ He crawled forward, eyes ablaze, locked on his wand. _Sirius!_ His muscles knotted, spasming violently.  
  
A black boot stepped down on his wand. "That's enough," a soft, cultured voice said. The pain left him. James knelt in the road, gasping. His eyes stayed on his wand. _Come on, Sirius! Where are you?!_  
  
The Death Eater bent over and retrieved his wand. James followed it upwards. "Well, well," he hissed, "James Potter." Defiance hardened James' face. The Death Eater removed his hood. James' defiance melted into his stomach, puddling like liquid metal. Dark eyes glared at him, holding only hatred. Handsome, chiseled features contorted by rage. "I ought to snap this wand first. And then snap you," he hissed.  
  
"Voldemort," James breathed. _Sirius! Damn it! Where are you?!  
_  
"_Lord_ Voldemort," the older man hissed.   
  
"Lord of the loo, perhaps," James offered.  
  
Pain exploded and stars flashed across his vision. When his head cleared, he was on his back in the mud. Voldemort stood over him, shaking the hand he'd used on James' head. _Good! I hope you broke a bone!_ James rolled over onto his knees. "_Crucio_," Voldemort hissed, under his breath. More pain wracked James' body. He screamed. "Yes. Scream for me, Potter. You and your friend Mr. Black have been nothing but trouble of late." The pain subsided. "Where is Black? I thought he'd be back for you. Perhaps he_ has_ turned coward." James glared up at Voldemort. _Never!_ Voldemort took an exaggerated look around him, peering into the night. The Death Eaters chuckled appreciatively.  
  
James gathered himself while the dark wizards laughed. "Maybe he really isn't coming. No matter. We'll get him right after you're gone. Maybe it'll be a double funeral. Cru--" James roared and leapt for Voldemort. His weight bore them both to the ground. All around him Death Eaters moved forward. With a serpentine hiss, Voldemort brought his wand up. James tugged his wand from the front pocket of Voldemort's robes. _Disapparate!  
  
_Lily stood crying in the snow, pacing beside Sirius' bike. "James!" she screamed hysterically, flinging herself on top of him when she saw him. Sobbing on his shoulder, she stood with him. He pulled her back, looking into her face.   
  
"Sirius!" He shouted, "Where?"  
  
"He went for Dumbledore," she answered. He pulled away. "No!" she screamed, clamping a death grip on his shoulders. "He said for you to stay here! James!" She sobbed. "Stay with me! Please!" He looked at her; really looking into her pain-filled eyes. Behind them, Harry's sobs suddenly rang out in the night.  
  
"Oh, God, Lily." He hugged her fiercely. _I almost lost you! I almost lost Harry!_" His own tears burned his eyes. "Let's go inside," he said, leading her towards the house. The CRACK of someone apparating brought them back around. Relief flooded through him. Sirius bounded through the snow. He threw himself into them.  
  
"Prongs! I knew you'd be okay! I," he stopped, "I thought I'd lost you when you weren't right behind me." He hugged him close. They stood breathing together in the snow for a moment. Harry's plaintive cries broke the silence. Lily turned towards the house and ran in to rescue him.   
  
Another CRACK and Dumbledore stood beside them. "Did you get any of them?" Sirius asked.  
  
Dumbledore nodded, "Some, some," he said.  
  
"Voldemort was there, Dumbledore. He was there! I . . . I fought with him." A wave of cold crept over him. _I fought with Voldemort and I'm still alive_. Sirius' grip on him tightened.  
  
"Prongs, If I'd have known. . ." he trailed off.   
  
Dumbledore shook his head. "No. We didn't get him." Sirius glared at Dumbledore for a long time then screamed wordless rage into the night. James jumped beside him. "James, you were very lucky tonight. I can count on one hand the number of people who have faced Voldemort and lived to tell the tale," Dumbledore confided. Beside him, Sirius shook with suppressed rage. "Calm yourself, Sirius. We caught several of his followers and that will have to be enough for now." He glanced over at the motorcycle, studying it.  
  
When Sirius had calmed, Dumbledore motioned towards it. "What is that?" he asked.  
  
"It's my bike." Sirius' head tilted haughtily, "I asked Arthur. He said I could make it."  
  
"And, what _exactly_, is it doing in James' front garden?" James caught Sirius' eye.  
  
"It's Christmas," they chorused. Dumbledore stared at the pair of them.  
  
"We'll pack tomorrow," James whispered head down.  
  
"Oh, why bother," Dumbledore sighed. "In another few months Sirius will just be at your new house." Sirius chuckled. "But no living together."  
  
James held up a hand, "That's a promise I can keep." 


	13. January 1981

A/N I recently changed the description of this story to angst. All Harry Potter fans know it's all down hill from here. I won't blame you if you stop reading; though there are still some wonderful things to come. I know it's been awhile since the last update. I kept staring at the blank page, afraid to write down the thoughts in my head concerning this next year. The last chapter was quite long, this one is very short to make up for it.

**January**

_I hate the cold. I hate the dark. And I hate this place._ James rocked back and forth on his heels. He stood with his back against the wall of an abandoned building, on the corner, just like Dumbledore had instructed.

_Where the hell is he? Meet someone, indeed. Anyone with a bit of sense would be home on a night like this._ James shivered.

"Sorry I'm late," a voice said from around the corner.

"Padfoot?" James whipped around the corner.

"Prongs?" Sirius looked up into the dark sky. "I hate this! Why didn't Dumbledore just tell us? I could have stayed for dinner!"

James chuckled. "He does it on purpose, just to torment us." Sirius shook his head. "I need you to escort a man to this address and meet a third party," he said, imitating Dumbledore. "What'd he tell you?"

"Just to meet someone here and follow their instructions. You're ten minutes late, by the way." Sirius shrugged. "Well, escort, lead the way. I'm freezing."

"This way," he said, heading back the way he had come. James followed him. "Did Lily get Harry down okay?" he asked as they walked.

James nodded. "Yeah. He's been ornery lately. They say he's just teething."

"In here," Sirius said. He lifted a dilapidated door that was clinging to the building by one hinge. Sirius motioned James to crawl in first. He then followed after him.

"Now where?" James looked around. He was in a dank office building. An office building that had been abandoned ages ago; even by the rats. Sirius took him by the arm and led him deeper into the building. They stopped beside a table that had been tipped on its side. Sirius sat, his back against the table. James copied him.

Footsteps scuffed towards them, stopping near the table. A voice spoke from the shadows behind them. "Since you've never done this before, let me lay down the ground rules. Don't talk. Don't stand. All you have to do is sit and listen. I was assured that you could do this." The last sentence dripped with sarcasm. There was a long silence. The third person approached and sat down on the other side of the table. He spoke under his breath.

"A couple weeks ago, Sirius Black and James Potter were attacked coming out of a pub. They escaped and some Death Eaters were captured. This information comes from those captured Death Eaters.

"They knew in advance that Black and Potter were out and they knew where to find them. The Dark Lord had received a message saying where to find Black.

"By tomorrow, Black will be in hiding at an undisclosed location. Dumbledore has instructed him to choose his own hid-out. So that no one can betray him. But of course, Potter will know it. Potter may also be targeted in order to learn this information." James made to stand up. Sirius grabbed him, motioning him to stay put and listen.

"There was a second part to the message the Dark Lord received. He was very taken by the fact that Potter has a young son." Sirius' grip on James' arm tightened. The man on the other side of the table stood and left without another word. James looked at Sirius. Sirius signaled for silence. After another few minutes he nodded.

"So Voldemort's after you?" James asked, studying his friend.

"And he has had me followed."

"Padfoot, it's--"

"No. Don't you dare blame yourself, James. I took those jobs. I knew it was too many hits too close together." James looked down at his knees. Sirius laid his head in his hands. "Do you know who that was?" he asked.

"That guy?" James motioned to the other side of the table. Sirius nodded. "No. Do you?"

"Yes. It was that purple-cloaked guy we followed last year."

"The one that nearly got us killed?"

Sirius nodded again. "I recognized his voice."

"Maybe that was so that we'd know the messages came from Dumbledore. But he couldn't have known he was talking to us. That's why he kept referring to us by our names. He was just sent to deliver the messages."

Sirius stood and James followed him to his feet. "So, here's the worst part," Sirius said, "How could someone follow me without my knowing it?"

James gaped at him. "That's not the worst part," he hissed. "The worst part is Voldemort being interested in Harry. He has something to use against me now and he knows it!"

Sirius sighed. "You're right, Prongs. Sorry." They started for the door. "Speaking of Harry, do you think I can follow you home? I want to see him once more."

"Of course you can." They crawled from the building and Sirius disapparated. _Now I really hate this night._ James pulled out his wand and headed for home.


	14. February 1981

**February  
**  
James hurried down the corridor at the Ministry of Magic. A familiar, rolling laugh echoed from the room ahead of him. He stopped, his heart skipping a beat and a smile crossing his features. _It can't be!_ He bolted for the office, staring in at Remus Lupin! _It is!_ "Moony!" he shouted. The sandy-haired man in front of the desk stopped mid-word and spun around in his chair. A surprised smile crossed his face, brightening the room.  
  
"Alright, James?" the man behind the desk greeted.  
  
"Wormtail," James returned, not taking his eyes from Remus. He slid into the room and closed the door. Remus stood and crossed to him. They pulled each other into a hug. _How long has it been?_ Remus held him close, as if trying to meld their bodies together.  
  
"It's been so long, old friend," he said, his deep voice vibrating around them.  
  
James pulled away. "Since last July," he whispered, taking in the worn, blue eyes, the ill-mended robes, and the peaceful smile. He smiled back, "I've missed you. Where've you been?"  
  
"Working abroad, mostly. And you?" a thread of worry traced his features.  
  
"He's a trouble-maker as usual," Peter supplied from where he sat behind the desk. James chuckled and shrugged. Remus laughed; the worry draining from his features and the light returning. "This is great," Peter continued. "James and I see each other about once a week; Remus and I see each other about once a month and now, suddenly, all three of us are in the same room!"  
  
James nodded. _I wonder._ Remus nodded with him, "I see Sirius from time to time too. I have to think that you," he looked pointedly at James, "see him more often." James sighed.  
  
"I'm not supposed to. He's back in hiding. I still manage to see him from time to time."  
  
"I'd almost forgotten what you looked like, James," he whispered.  
  
"Same here, old friend." _Same here._  
  
"We were about to go to lunch, James." Peter started.  
  
"Do you want to come with us?" Remus finished, an excited light in his bright blue eyes. _Oh too perfect!_  
  
"I'd love to. But I was already going to meet someone for lunch," he said, thinking hard, pouting slightly.  
  
Peter's face fell. James smiled and shook his head, "Well, I'm sure we can all have lunch together. Sirius won't mind." Peter gaped at him.

Remus chuckled and smiled. "What are we standing around here for then?" he asked, grabbing his cloak from the back of the chair.  
  
"All four of us? Peter squeaked. "But Dumbledore--" James gave him a withering glare and he subsided. He rose, "Okay, okay. We can _all_ have lunch."  
  
-----  
  
The three of them took a back table at the café. One that afforded them a view of the street beyond the window. The café bustled with patrons. The din flowing around them, weaving laughter and words together. As they sat down, James spotted Sirius parting the crowd outside the restaurant. _How?_ "I don't believe it!" he breathed. _How did he get Harry?_ Remus turned to see what James was talking about. Sirius entered and made his way to them.  
  
"Well! Look what we have here!" he chortled as Remus and Peter stood to greet him.  
  
"And you've brought Harry!" Peter squealed. Sirius handed the baby over to Peter.  
  
"Why do you have Harry?" James asked as Sirius patted Remus on the back and mussed Peter's hair. He took the chair facing out into the room, protecting his back.  
  
"I ran into Lily and, well, she knew we were meeting for lunch, so I took him with me. That way, she could have a break. And besides, I haven't seen Harry in ages!"  
  
James chuckled, "Try four weeks!" Sirius smiled and leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head.  
  
"Moony, I haven't seen you for a while," he said.  
  
Remus nodded. "I've been to France, on business."  
  
"You have a job?" Peter piped up, looking away from Harry. James and Sirius glared at him. Remus raised his eyebrows pointedly at him.  
  
"You, git," Sirius chided him, "Of course he has a job, he works for the same man we all do."  
  
Peter startled at this. "Oh yeah. Sorry, I thought you meant a different job. Natural mistake; you don't have to get all uppity," he said to Sirius. They sat in silence for a moment, watching Harry play with the button's on Peter's robe.  
  
"So where'd you take Harry?" James asked, changing the subject before Sirius could decide if he was angered by Peter's remark.  
  
"No where," he answered too quickly. James studied him. _Yeah, right. I bet you took him flying on that bike of yours._ He forced a smile onto his face and laughed. "Well, my outing will be better," he taunted.  
  
"Oh? And where are you taking him?" Sirius asked, dropping his chair to the floor and leaning forward.  
  
"We're going flying!" James announced.  
  
"That will be fun," Remus observed. Harry ogled him, surprised by the unfamiliar voice. James and Sirius chuckled. Remus smiled down at Harry, sitting next to him in Peter's lap. Harry smiled back and reached up for him. "You want to come see me?" a delighted surprise filled his face, "Well come on then," he took Harry from Peter. "Come see your old Uncle Remmie," He cooed. "I knew it," he said, staring into Harry's bright green eyes. "You _do_ have Lily's eyes."  
  
James smiled. _This is how it should be_. His smile died. _No. I can't think like that. Not anymore. Not now._ They ordered and were soon eating, taking turns with Harry and feeding him from their own plates. The waitress had offered them a high-chair for the baby which Remus had pointedly refused.  
  
"What I want to know," Peter said, between bites, "Is why you're even here, Sirius. James said you were back in hiding."  
  
Sirius chewed and nodded thoughtfully. "I am in hiding," he said, swallowing, "just not right now." James chuckled.  
  
"Living dangerously again?" Remus asked.  
  
"The only way to live!" he and James chorus. The four laughed loudly; their mirth lost in the sea of sound around them.  
  
When the food was gone and the bill paid, they sauntered out into the February sunlight. James led the way. Peter behind him. Sirius, an arm over Remus' shoulders brought up the rear with Harry laughing from his perch in Remus' arms.  
  
James stopped when they reached the tree-lined lane. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling his friends around him. _Please don't let this afternoon end._ "Well, James," Peter said beside him, "I have to get back to the office. He tickled Harry's chin, "Bye Harry," he said.  
  
"See ya' , Peter," Sirius said with a casual wave.  
  
"Bye Peter," Remus and James said. When he had disappeared down the lane, Remus and Sirius spun to face James. Sadness lined Remus' face.  
  
"Well. See you, Harry," he said, kissing Harry on the forehead before passing the baby to his father and smiling brightly. _A forced smile._ "Don't be such a stranger, James," he said, distancing himself from them.  
  
"I won't be," James said, forcing his own smile. Remus turned and walked a few paces away from them. He pulled out his wand and disapparated. James and Sirius stared at the spot where he had been. "He said you two see each other from time to time," James said at last, turning towards the center of town.  
  
"Yeah. Well, I'm pretty good with werewolves." James nodded. He studied Sirius out of the corner of his eye. _He seems jumpy. Well, that's understandable._  
  
"How are you holding up?" he asked. Sirius smiled jovially. _There are a lot of forced smiles today.  
_  
"I'm doing good," he answered, the smile reaching all the way to his stormy eyes. _Is that the truth? _James studied him hard. "I'm fine, James, really." Sirius whispered. He leaned over and kissed Harry's head. "I have to go. I really am fine, James," he repeated. _Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself._ James nodded and smiled softly. _If you want me to believe it, I will._  
  
With a smile, Sirius pulled out his wand and disapparated. James sighed and smiled down at his son.  
  
"Let's go home, little man," he said.


	15. March 1981

**March 1981**

James zipped up the teal windbreaker. Beside him, Lily double-checked Harry's jacket, pulled his hood tighter on his head. "Well, have fun, you two," she said, handing Harry over.

James kissed her softly. "We will. And you," he glared at her in mock-anger, "I don't want to see a single dish done or a floor swept or a bit of dust dusted. Relax. Soak in the tub. Read a book."

She chuckled. "Okay. I promise not to touch a thing." She hugged them close.

"We'll be back in a few hours." He waved Harry's hand. "Bye-bye mommy," he said. "Bye-bye."

"Bye, sweety," Lily answered, kissing Harry on the cheek and smiling.

They left the warmth of the house and ventured out into the late winter, nearly spring, morning. The incessant rain had paused for a breather, leaving the wet world sparkling in the unfamiliar sun. Birds sang, flowers grew and James smiled down at Harry. He slipped the baby carrier onto his son and then onto his back.

"Let's go for a ride, shall we?" he asked, pulling his broomstick from its corner near the back door. Mounting, he zoomed off into the crisp day. Harry laughed in his ear, grabbing his head. They climbed higher and higher through the cool morning. James broke through the low clouds, finally high enough to avoid Muggle eyes. He slalomed and rolled back and forth through the blue sky and sun, Harry laughing at every dip, twist and turn. _Oh, Harry! You're a natural! I can't wait to see you in action!"_

He leveled off and leaned forward, gaining speed. Harry screeched with laughter. They pelted through the air, heading away from the sun, the wind biting into his cheeks, pulling tears from his eyes. For ten minutes they flew at top speed, James pushing and pushing for more speed. At last, he slowed. _To fly forever, free._ He sighed. "Going in for a landing, Harry," he called over his shoulder.

They dropped slowly through the cloud layer. Below them, the English countryside spread out in a patchwork of new green, lingering white, and mud brown. James dipped low through a wooded glen and slowed. Putting his feet down, he landed softly in the leaf litter below the trees.

"Alright Harry?" he asked. "Ready for a walk?" He hefted his broomstick and started slowly through the woods. _If only such a day could last._ James smiled and hummed to himself. They came to a gentle slope that led down into a wide gully. The wall opposite, rose steeply from the gully floor. James surveyed it. _Well, we can't climb it but maybe we can walk along it, eh?_ He hitched Harry higher on his shoulders and started down into the gully.

As he descended, a faint CRACK shattered the silence. James stopped, looking around. _Someone just apparated._ The sound had echoed around the gully, coming from every direction. He swallowed hard.

"Da da da," Harry babbled in his ear. James pulled out his wand. "_Silencio_," he whispered, cutting off Harry's happy babbling. He mounted his broom and pushed off. He fell hard back to Earth, his knees buckling. _They've jinxed my broom!_

An icy chuckle echoed around him. James' heart leapt to his throat, threatening to pound its way to freedom. He looked around, seeing nothing. _Damn!_ He dropped the broom. _How could they have jinxed it! It didn't happen just now! I flew home from work early this morning! It was only on the porch for a couple hours. How could they know I was using it again today. I don't usually._ The thoughts chased around his head as he started forward along the gully. Harry grew still on his back. James reached up and patted him slightly. When he turned, his eyes fell on a hooded Death Eater.

"_Expelliarmus_," the Death Eater hissed. James' wand flew from his hand and landed at the feet of the Death Eater. He stepped on it. "Now this looks familiar," he said. "Where have I seen this before?" James' heart stopped, his breath caught. The Death Eater removed his hood and tossed James an evil smirk before stooping and collecting his wand.

"Voldemort," James breathed. _How did they know?!_

"You know, that night, I really wanted Black, Potter. And you took him from me!!" James took a step back at the rage in the dark wizard's voice. Voldemort smiled again. He held up James' wand and snapped it in half. The two ends fizzled and died, puffing out pink and white clouds of smoke and a few half-hearted sparks.

_MY WAND!_ James took another step back.

"Are you fighting me now?" Voldemort asked. He raised his own wand. "Fisticuffs? Or are you going to run?!" the last word dwindled to a hiss as Voldemort started for him. James took a few fleeting steps, then turned and ran.

Cold giggles trailed across his skin as he ran. "Potter!" the wind hissed in his ears. _Don't panic! That's what they want_. "Run, Potter, run," the wind hissed again. James looked behind him. Voldemort hadn't given chase. In fact, there were no Death Eaters behind him. He stopped. _Mind games!_ The cold giggle trailed across his skin. He'd been running down the gully. _Is it a trap?_ He traced the steep ridge with his eye; envisioning it swinging around and boxing off the gully, creating a dead end. _My dead end._

_I can't apparate without the wand! I'll squinch Harry for sure! The broom won't work! How did they know!_ He pulled Harry from his back. He was fussing and screaming, silenced by the last spell James had done.

A flash of red seared the air beside James, exploding on the ground a few feet from him. James whirled to face the source of the spell. A Death Eater waved at him from the top of the steep ridge. _That was a warning shot. It's a trap for certain now._ James stood, glared at the Death Eater and started down the gully again.

"It'll be okay, Harry," James whispered as he walked; a mantra against his own rising panic. _My wand! My broom!_

"_Crucio_!" the air breathed around him. The spell hit them from the side. James stumbled as the spell burrowed into his flesh, eating muscle and snapping bone. He screamed as he fell to his knees. Harry, had turned a faint shade of purple. His silenced mouth gaped in an unheard wail. He writhed and twisted in the carrier._ Harry! They hit Harry!_ James' own pain vanished in an instant. He leapt to his feet, his aching muscles protesting.

"YOU HIT HARRY!" he bellowed, pulling his son close to his chest, trying to comfort him. The world blurred as his eyes filled with tears. Tears of anger, frustration, and pain. Shaking with rage, James ran down the gully.

He veered up the slope and another warning spell crashed to the ground before him. Skidding to a stop, he found the Death Eater that had fired it. The hooded figure waggled a finger at him. James turned back down into the gully. The Death Eater laughed behind him.

_They hit Harry!_ James' whole body prickled with emotion: rage, fear, hatred; and beneath it, magic. He stopped and gathered the warmth around him. Then he flung himself forward, trying for distance from the Death Eaters, searching for a hiding place.

Before him, two trees had fallen across the gully. _That'll do!_ He scrambled over them and threw himself to the ground on the other side. He kissed Harry's forehead. "I love you Harry. I have to do this, son." He pulled the gathered magic from his body and poured it into two spells. Harry went ridged in his carrier, then disappeared!

James felt the carrier. When he had his hands on it, his eyes could pick his disillusioned son out from the leaf litter background. With a sigh, James closed his eyes. _Save Harry, save Harry._ He gave himself over to the magic, letting it pull his human form away. His essence reformed. And Prongs knelt before the disillusioned Harry. The stag bent and picked up the package, ever so gently in his mouth. He then trotted off nonchalantly down the gully.

The gully ended in a wide, swampy hollow. A ring of Death Eaters stood there. They startled at the stag and it bolted off up the shallow slope, the only way out. They didn't follow the animal and Prongs slowed to a walk.

"Where is he?!" Voldemort shouted behind him.

"We didn't see anyone," one of the Death Eaters answered.

"What?!" Voldemort screamed, "POTTER!" Prongs bolted.

James stared down at the wand box in his hands. Dumbledore sat across from him. He had dismissed the portraits, for this meeting; something he rarely did. "Thank-you, Dumbledore," James began.

"What is it, James?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yesterday, I was attacked by Voldemort again. He wanted revenge for Christmas Eve."

"Yet, you sit before me," Dumbledore said with a smile. "That's twice you've faced Voldemort and walked away. I think you've caught up with Frank Longbottom. Frank has fought with Voldemort twice now too." James smiled at Dumbledore. But it soon faded.

"I can't shake the feeling that it was a deliberate trap. That somehow they knew I'd be using my broomstick that day. That I'd have Harry to worry about," James said with a heavy sigh. He met Dumbledore's eyes. The twinkle had disappeared. Dumbledore's eyes glinted like chipped sapphires before he looked away from James.

"James," he began, "It was a trap. My spy sat in on the meeting. Not hard, really. All the Death Eaters were in attendance. A note was passed from the back of the room; my spy didn't see who had passed it up. It detailed a certain lunchtime meeting you had last month; a meeting where you said that you would be taking Harry on an outing, flying even."

_We were spied on? At the restaurant?_ James felt the world tilt around him. "But it was so crowded. How could they have heard us?" he asked aloud. Dumbledore sighed, "Oh James. This only confirms what I've been suspecting. One of our people is spying for Voldemort."

James shook his head. _No. It can't be. It can't be!_ Dumbledore continued, "Not only is it one of our people, it looks like it's one of your friends." The words echoed through his head. _My friends? Spying for Voldemort? Setting me up?!_

"I won't believe it!" James roared, starting to his feet.

"I didn't want to believe it either," Dumbledore replied. He said no more; merely stared up at James until he returned to his seat. "I wouldn't have said anything if I wasn't sure." He chuckled, a laugh that held no laughter, "Which of course is why I didn't say anything sooner."

James looked away. "It can't be Sirius. It wouldn't be. Not ever," he hissed. _I know it isn't him!_

"Then that leaves Remus and Peter," Dumbledore said.

_Peter? My number one fan? No. But it couldn't be Remus either!_ James shook his head. "Could one of us be passing information without knowing it?" he asked. _It can't be any of us!_ _Peter guarded our backs in July! Sirius is my best friend! Remus is . . ._ Tears stung as they gathered in James' eyes. _What? What is Remus? He's a werewolf I've known as long as I can remember. He's uncle Remmie! But . . ._ James buried his head in his hands.

"The spy amongst us is deliberate. There is no accidental passing of information. If we've narrowed it down to the two of them, we can easily figure out who it is. Very proactive of me, in my opinion," Dumbledore said.

James winced when he looked up at Dumbledore. "You'll need me for this, right?" he asked.

The Headmaster nodded, "We'll start with Remus. He'll be delighted to join you for a private lunch. I'll give you some courier duties as an excuse. Mention to him that you will be going to your parents graves the first Saturday in May. Just to visit them."

"Then if Voldemort shows up," James started._ He won't! He won't show up! It isn't Remus! But how could it be Peter?_

"We'll know who the spy is. Whether Voldemort shows up or not. If he shows, it's Remus. If not, it's Peter," Dumbledore finished.


	16. April 1981

**April 1981**

James stared out across the pond. Huge white swans floated serenely across the glassy surface. A flock of ducks babbled in front of him. Sirius and Harry sat in the middle of the ducks, passing out breadcrumbs as fast as they could. Sirius' great barking laugh almost drown out Harry's delighted chuckles.

_It could never be Sirius. Never. _Sirius looked back at him smiling. James returned the smile. When the bread was gone, he picked up Harry and helped him walk over to James. The youngster held tight to one of Sirius' fingers with each chubby fist. His legs wobbled, unsure of themselves, as he toddled towards his father. James beamed with pride.

"Hey there, Daddums," Sirius greeted, handing Harry back to James.

"Hey little man," James replied to Harry. He sat the baby on his lap, resting in the crook of his elbow. Sirius flopped on the bench beside James, heaving a great sigh. James sat silent beside him.

"What's wrong, James?" Sirius asked at last, his grey eyes drilling into James' heart.

_There's a spy amongst us! You or Remus or Peter! I've decided it's not you. It can't be you! But . . . What if it is? _He shook his head. "My thoughts are heavy and can't be shared," he said. Sirius glared at him then looked out across the pond, the swans and the departing ducks.

"You've never kept anything from me before James," he whispered.

"I know, Sirius," James sighed, "I know. I don't want to keep it from you, but . . .," _Oh God! Why did it have to be one of my _friends?! _Why?! _His eyes clouded over with tears. Sirius was watching him.

"Alright, Prongs. You don't have to tell me. I won't hold it against you." James smiled sadly. "But," Sirius continued, "Will you tell me when you can? Next week? Next year?"

James nodded, "Yeah. I'll do that. I'll tell you when I can." Sirius smiled and, for a moment, all was forgotten. He leaned over close to Harry.

"Whatcha reckon? Will he be walking before his birthday?" he asked, rolling his grey eyes up to look at James.

"Of course," James said, smiling down at him. Sirius sat back up and stared out across the pond. The sun was setting in the distance, spilling a dreamy orange across the sky.

Sirius yawned. "Well, Prongs, I'll see you for Harry's Birthday. I hope your thoughts are light and airy by then."

"So do I, Padfoot." He smiled as Sirius stood. "Bye-bye" James said for Harry. Harry opened and closed his thick hand in Sirius' direction.

"That's right!" Sirius cried, elated, "Bye-bye!" he repeated Harry's wave. "See ya, Prongs," Sirius said, donning his Muggle sunglasses.

"I'll send you an invitation," James called after him as he turned to wave. Sirius smiled again and turned his back on them, hiking across the park, disappearing into the shadows. When he'd gone, James heaved a sigh. Checking his watch, he saw that he only had an hour to get home, drop off Harry and meet Remus. "Come on, Harry," he said, standing. He stuck out his wand and summoned the Knight Bus.

James studied the faces in the crowd. So many people laughing and smiling. Remus sat at a corner table. His face broke into a wide, friendly grin as he spotted James. A waitress brought two tankards of beer and set them down in front of Remus. James pulled up a chair and grabbed one of the drinks.

"Alright, James?" Remus asked.

"Hmm. And you?" James asked with a shrug.

"I've been better," he replied. "So," he continued, "Old Dumbledore has you running errands?"

James chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, I think it was just an excuse to order me around."

"Keep tabs on you?" Remus offered.

"Exactly," James conceded.

"Well, since you're here, you might as well enjoy the moment," Remus said, picking up his glass. "To good friends," he said. James schooled his face into a smile.

"To good friends," he repeated, clinking their glasses together. He drank deeply, his mind racing. He had practiced this part of the conversation until it flowed naturally through his head. But now, sitting across form Remus, it just wouldn't come! _It can't be Remus! If I tell him I'm going to visit my parent's graves, he'll show up! Not Voldemort! Never Voldemort!_

"What's wrong, James?" Remus asked.

James gave him a small smile. "I've had a lot on my mind lately. I've been thinking about my parents."

Remus nodded sadly, "They always welcomed me into their home."

James nodded with him, "Yeah, you and Sirius. Especially Sirius."

"That was very kind of your mother to let him live with you the summer he left his family." James looked away through the crowd. His heart skipped a beat, sped up.

"I was thinking of visiting their graves, sometime," James started.

"Oh? That would be good. Would you like company?" Remus offered. James shook his head, no.

"I don't know when I'll get there," he said. "I've so much work to do. I probably won't get to them until the end of May."

"Well, let me know," Remus said. "I'd love to pay my respects." James nodded. He smiled warmly at Remus. Remus didn't return the smile. Rather, his brow furrowed in concern.

"I have a letter for you," James said as he reached into his jacket pocket. He slid the envelope across the table. Remus looked down at the envelope reluctantly.

"Do you need a reply?" he asked as he took the letter from James.

James looked at him, surprised. "I don't know. Dumbledore didn't say anything about a reply."

Remus smiled at James. "Then you don't need one. I'll read this later," he said, pocketing the envelope. James sighed. _It's done. Now to make my exit._ "So what brought your parents up?" Remus asked, sipping his beer.

James stared into his drink, watching the carbonation bubbles while his mind raced. _Nothing! It's a trap! There wasn't a back story!_ He shrugged and looked up at Remus.

"I don't know, really," he began. "Maybe it's Harry. He's growing so big. . . So fast. It seems like only yesterday he was cooing in my arms. Waking at two in the morning, demanding food. Now, he sleeps through the night most of the time, he's almost walking!"

Remus was smiling at him, nodding sagely. "He's something alright." He sighed. "What about his birthday? Do you have any plans yet?"

James laughed. "Not me, no. But Lily keeps going through these party catalogues and detouring through the baby boutique! She says she's just looking." Remus' chuckle joined his.

"That's Lily for you," he said with a smile. James returned the smile. _A real smile this time._ He drained his beer and clinked the glass on the table. Remus looked from the empty glass to James, sipping his own beer. James reached for his wallet. "I'll get it, James," Remus said, waving his hand.

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

"Of course," he said, his blue eyes sparkling. "I'll just count it as a business expense," he finished with a small laugh. James returned the laughter. He stood to go. As he walked around the table, he laid a hand on Remus' shoulder. Remus reached up and laid a hand over his.

"So, when do you think you'll see your parents?" he asked, his voice level.

James stopped, his heart leaping. _No! It can't be him! _He sighed. "Maybe the last Saturday in May," he said. Remus nodded and patted his hand.

"I'll see you, James," he whispered. James nodded and turned away.

Outside, James stopped and took a deep, cleansing breath. _It's done. God forgive me. _Tears threatened to fill his eyes. _How could it come to this? Suspecting my friends. Knowing that one of them betrayed me to Voldemort! _His stomach churned around the beer. James pulled his wand out and apparated. He stood in the gathering gloom, looking down on a small, unkempt cottage. _How can we both fall to the same thing, dad? How can Voldemort pull both our friends from us? _He clenched his hands into fists and took in a lungful of air. Closing his eyes, he screamed! All his anger, fear, pain, drifting out across the hollow below him. "Why?!" he bellowed. Falling to his knees, he let the tears fall too. _Dear God, why? Why me? Why my friends? Have I done something wrong?_ He reclaimed his self-control and stared out at the old house.

_My mother used to sit there, on the porch, rocking me on her knees. My father worked the garden beside the house, there._ His eye found the patch of earth in the darkness. _And now, they're gone. Taken by a friend's betrayal. Is this my fate? Will I be lost to a false friend? _James stood, wiping tears from his cheeks. _He won't show up! Voldemort won't be waiting at my parents' graves. He can't be. And if it isn't Remus then that leaves Peter. And that just doesn't make sense. Peter never had an original thought in his life. He _couldn't_ betray me. He would blubber and cry and ask me to save him. _

_But if it's neither of them, then that leaves Sirius. _Tears fell from his eyes again. _Sirius pulled weeds with my dad in the garden that summer. He helped my mother hang out the laundry. Wizarding royalty doing dishes by hand because my mother loved muggles so much. It can't be Sirius! I can't believe it's him! Never Sirius!_


	17. May 1981

**May 1981**

The weak May sunlight couldn't lift James' spirits. _No one will show, no one_. He had apparated into a copse of trees several meters from the cemetery. New leaves and fresh wild flowers perfumed the air, yet, the only purpose they seemed to serve was to deepen his sadness.

_Dumbledore has lost it. There isn't a spy! Because it couldn't be any of my friends! Maybe his spy was lying! Maybe his spy is a double agent! Working for Voldemort, pretending to work for Dumbledore, pretending to work for Voldemort!_

James paused and reviewed his last thought. _Maybe I'm the one who has lost it._ With a sigh, he started out of the grove and up over a steep rise. When he reached the top, he paused. The little-used cemetery stretched before him. Headstones marked the passing years; some of them so old the names and dates had worn away. Generations of wizards were buried here, Potters as well. _And one day, I will join them. _James started down the gentle hill. Soft, green grass tickled his bare ankles as he walked, his brown loafers threatening to slip out from under him, spilling him to the bottom of the hill.

At the bottom, he started across the cemetery. Here and there willows grew, shading the graves; birch and yew spattered across the field. It was beneath the intertwining boughs of three trees that James stopped, his parents' graves before him. _Well, I'm here, Dad, Mum. I hope and pray that I'm your only visitor today. I refuse to believe that my friends would betray me! No one will show! Dumbledore and his spy are wrong! No one will show and it won't be because Peter's the spy! It'll be because Dumbledore was wrong!_

James waited. Insects hummed in the shade of the trees. Birds and squirrels skittered among the branches. _I miss you, Mum, Dad. I wish you could have seen Harry. I wish he could have known his grandparents. I know you would approve of Sirius being his Godfather. He loves him so. _Time passed slowly. James sighed. _I love you. _He placed a kiss on each headstone.

Looking up, he looked around, surveying the cemetery. Only the animals, only the wind. Sighing, James turned to leave. _Dumbledore was wrong! _A smile grew across his face. _It isn't Remus! I knew it couldn't have been him! Does that mean it's Peter? How? Why? _As he started away from the graves, a sharp pain flared through his head, blinding him. James stopped, clutching his temples. With a scream, he fell to his knees. _No! No! _The pain grew, pressed in on his brain and ripped down his spine. The spell sent white-hot pokers skewering through every joint, searing his muscles, snapping his bones. He tried to reach his wand. _Remus! Why?! Not you!_

Physical blows rained down on him, stopping his movement. Pummeling him, kicking him. Pain flashed through his chest as his ribs broke for real; raw edges grating together as he breathed. He turned, trying to crawl away. The pain in his head kept him blinded, pressure behind his eyes building. A dozen hands grabbed him as he crawled away from the unseen attackers. The blows faded, the pain in his head diminishing. Shallow breaths kept his ribs from moving too much. He felt his assailants take his wand, heard the dry snap as they broke it.

James blinked tears from his eyes. His captors forced him roughly to his knees. _Remus! I was your friend!_ Hooded Death Eaters surrounded him, sneering and laughing. Voldemort bent low, face to face. He smirked. A flash of movement and James' cheek exploded in pain. He felt his lip split, tasted blood in his mouth. Voldemort shook out the hand he'd used to hit James with.

"Well, Mr. Potter," he began. "I really can't have you around any longer. I'm sure you understand." He smiled, a dangerous glint in his dark eyes. Straightening, he pulled out his wand with a flourish. "_Crucio,_" he whispered. The spell hit James in the face, tearing his skin from his skull, boiling through him, shredding his muscles again.

"_Crucio,_" another two Death Eaters hissed in unison. Their spells joined Voldemort's. James screamed, his eyes flashing to the sky. _Remus! Why?! _His mind flashed to the first time he'd seen Remus, sitting alone on the Hogwart's express. _I was your best friend! _The spells wound through his chest, stroking his heart, tearing at it, slowing it. Blood boiled in his veins. He felt as if his brain would burst forth from his skull. Voldemort's laughter chased him into darkness.

----------

James' eyelids felt too heavy to lift. He lay in darkness, feeling his body wake to this reality. There were low voices in the near distance. Though they conversed, it was barely audible. James opened his eyes, and tried a deep breath. Pain lanced across his torso, up and down his spine. He whimpered. "He's awake!" a low voice announced. A face swam into view. James focused on it. Peter. More faces looked down into his. Lily and Harry. Her brow furrowed in anxiety, her cheeks wet with tears and her eyes bloodshot. Harry smiled down at him, babbling and reaching out. Sirius leaned close, a trembling hand taking hold of his.

"Oh, Prongs," he breathed, "We were so worried."

"You've been unconscious for almost three days," Remus added, leaning in next to Sirius. Shocked, James gaped at him. He tried and failed to find his voice. _Why is he here! Why are any of them here! Where am I?_

Lily smiled down at him, "James, you're in St. Mungo's. Remus and Sirius found you in Godric's Hollow Cemetery." Her voice hitched, "You--you weren't breathing." Tears threatened her again. _Oh Lily. No, don't cry for me._ James tried to reach for her, comfort her. But his arms seemed too heavy.

"You've come back from the dead, mate," Peter laughed. "It's a God-given miracle."

"Easy, Prongs," Sirius said, squeezing his hand. "We know, we know. Take your time." Lily laughed, a sob breaking it, and turned away.

"Wha--" he tried.

"You're quite a sight," Remus said, "And coming from me, that's saying something." He smiled down at James. _You--_ James couldn't finish the thought. _How could he have come here! Had Voldemort sent him? Did Dumbledore realize what the attack meant?! Where had Dumbledore been during the attack?! You were my best friend, Remus! You sat all alone that whole first week at Hogwarts! I was the only one who spoke to you! Me! How _could_ you?!_ Tears welled up in James' eyes. Remus' brow furrowed as he stared down at James. "Hey, Peter, why don't you go get the healer and tell them that James is awake," he said.

"Yeah, I'll go get her," Peter agreed, rising.

"No," James croaked. "No, Peter, stay." His throat felt raw and misused. Confusion chased across Peter's face. But he sat back down on the edge of James' bed. _They need to know. They deserve the truth._ "I was attacked by Voldemort and his Death Eaters."

"We figured as much," Remus said.

"He was lying in wait for me," James said, watching Remus as he said it. Remus blinked slowly. Sirius took in a deep breath beside him and Peter leaned forward.

"What are you getting at, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"They knew I would be there. They _knew_ I was coming." Peter leaned back, disbelief painted across his sharp features.. Remus and Sirius gaped at James.

"Only one person knew I was going to visit my parent's grave, Remus," James whispered. _How could you?!_ Remus took a step away from him, A look of panic racing across his face.

"You--you're not suggesting?" he stammered, gaping, swallowing. He looked between the three of them; Peter, Sirius, James. "You can't think_ I_ told Voldemort?!" Remus finished utterly flabbergasted. "I--I only told Sirius!" Sirius suddenly stood beside James, his hands balling into fists. Peter backed away from the pair, giving them plenty of room for whatever was about to happen.

"You told Sirius?" James breathed. His head started spinning. His throat ached from talking, his ribs hurt from breathing. _I need to finish this! Remus! You were my friend!_ _You told Sirius? How many others did you tell? _Sirius spun to face James.

"He told me about an hour before we went to the cemetery. When we got there, we found you beside your parents' graves. There was blood everywhere, James."

"I covered your wounds with these hands!" Remus suddenly shouted, holding out his hands. I gave you breath with these lips! How can you even suggest that I gave you to Voldemort?!"

"Someone did," James whispered. He eyed Sirius. _Am I truly blind? Could it have been Sirius.?_ _No! Never Sirius! Never! _"And it was one of you," he finished, looking hard at first Remus then Sirius.

Sirius shook his head and shouted, "No James! Never! I would sooner die! You know that! You know! Me and Voldemort? Never! You can't think that!"

Remus glared at Sirius, "But you did have an hour to warn them."

"What!!" Sirius rounded on Remus.

"Think James!" Remus shouted, "Who better! No one would ever suspect him! He's the run-away Black. But we all know where you came from," Remus finished, his eyes cold as he glared at Sirius.

"James!" Sirius pleaded, throwing himself to his knees at the head of the bed. "You know I wouldn't!" he begged. "You know it!" Tears welled up in Sirius' grey eyes. "You've caught him and he's trying to shift the blame," he whispered. The tears fell and he looked back over his shoulder at Remus. "How could you?! Why would you?! What did he offer you?!" Sirius flew to his feet as he spoke.

Remus made a strangled noise in his throat and took a step backwards. "You can't think it was me," he moaned, shaking his head. "It wasn't me, James. I swear it." Tears burned down his cheeks as he shook his head. "Please, James. It wasn't me."

"Remus," James whispered. "I want to believe it, I do. But that's twice that I've been attacked when you knew where I was going."

"Coincidence," Remus said, shaking his head, wiping the tears away. "Sirius knew! James I told him!" he cried, staring at James, willing him to believe._ God, Remus, I want to believe it was a coincidence. But I nearly died because of that 'coincidence'. And I can't risk it. Not again. Never again._

"Maybe. . . Maybe you should go," he whispered, his voice catching on the tears building up in his throat. Peter drew a sharp breath from his corner. Sirius did a double take.

"You--you can't mean that?" Remus said. He took a step towards James. Sirius stepped forward, a show of force, cutting off Remus' advance. Remus gaped at him. "You can't send me away," he said around Sirius. "Please James! I've done nothing wrong!"

"You sold him to Voldemort!" Sirius cried!

"I didn't!" Remus looked between the two of them. He glanced around, spotting Peter. "You believe me, Peter?" he asked.

"Leave me out of it," Peter whined. "I can't take sides against you or James." he sat in the corner, all but forgotten. Tears glistened in his eyes.

Remus looked away from him, back to Sirius. Back to James. He stared at them for a small eternity. "Though I am tossed into the nothingness of scorn and noise, into the sea of waking dream," he whispered. His face broke and more tears fell unhindered to the floor. "Oh, James," he sighed, "Since you asked, I will go. But I am forever your faithful friend. Forever." With a sob he turned his back on them and left, the door swinging closed behind him.

A tight ball of pressure grew in James' chest. Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes. _Forever my friend. As I was yours, Remus._

"Should I give him a head start?" Sirius asked. James looked at him, studying him. _He knew for an hour. An hour is long enough to send an owl, long enough to apparate and whisper hateful words into a listening ear._

"Leave him, Padfoot," he said, "I could never sic you on a friend. Not even one who betrayed me." James shifted in the bed. His whole body ached, and now his heart joined in.

**A/N:** Remus quotes a line from the poem _Written in Northampton County Asylum_ by John Clare.

Here is the poem in its entirety:

_I AM! yet what I am who cares, or knows?_

_My friends forsake me like a memory lost._

_I am the self-consumer of my woes;_

_They rise and vanish, an oblivious host,_

_Shadows of life, whose very soul is lost._

_And yet I am—I live—though I am toss'd_

_Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,_

_Into the living sea of waking dream,_

_Where there is neither sense of life, nor joys,_

_But the huge shipwreck of my own esteem_

_And all that 's dear. Even those I loved the best_

_Are strange—nay, they are stranger than the rest._

_I long for scenes where man has never trod—_

_For scenes where woman never smiled or wept—_

_There to abide with my Creator, God,_

_And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,_

_Full of high thoughts, unborn. So let me lie,—_

_The grass below; above, the vaulted sky._


	18. June 1981

**A/N**: This chapter is quite long. I apologize for the length, a great many things needed to happen here. I will also apologize for the wait. For those that know why, I'm sure no apology is needed.

**June 1981**

"The wounds are deep, we'll have to keep him for a bit longer," the hushed voice said. James opened his eyes and stared up at the white ceiling. _How could it still hurt so much to move? _

"Honey?" Lily called softly, coming into view. She sighed and smiled. "Good, you're awake." James smiled up at her. _Perfect green eyes, perfect red hair, perfect smile._

"Where's Harry?" he asked.

"He's with Sirius. Out in the hall," she added as a brief panic flared through him, tracing across his face. He nodded and even that hurt. "The healers are keeping you a while longer," she continued. Her voice held the slightest hint of a sob.

"Don't cry Lily, please. I'll be up and about in a few days." Tears filled her eyes and she looked away.

"I know," she said. James studied her. _I know I must look awful. I feel awful. But. . ._

"What is it, Lil?" he asked. "What's wrong?' Again she sighed.

Her voice shook, "I'm just so lost without you," she said, looking down into his eyes. He smiled and tried to reach for her. Pain lashed through his arm, driving deep into his joints. "Don't move, honey," she cautioned. He felt her slip her hand into his and squeeze. Smiling, he returned the gesture. They sat that way for a few minutes. Then furtive cries carried through the closed door.

"It sounds like Harry's ready for his nap," James whispered. With a chuckle, Lily nodded and pulled her hand from his.

"I'd better go," she said as she bent and kissed him gently on the lips. Then she was gone, leaving only the remembered softness of her lips. The door opened. "Bye, honey; I love you," she called as the door closed.

"I love you too," he said to the ceiling. James closed his eyes and sighed. The door opened and closed again. James opened his eyes and Sirius was there, staring down at him, concerned. "Hello," James said, smiling.

"Alright?" Sirius asked, his brows furrowing over his gunmetal eyes.

James' heart skipped a beat. "Why? Shouldn't I be?" Sirius gaped at him and pulled away. Glancing sideways, moving as little as possible, James watched him as he straightened and began pacing. Back and forth, in and out of sight, he went. _Oh God! What?!_ Anger built around Sirius, his hands clenched and unclenched.

"What?" James asked, almost afraid of the answer. Sirius flew over to him. Startled, James pulled away, pain shooting through his neck and head, making him wince.

"She didn't tell you, did she," he hissed. James peeked up at him. His hair had grown longer and now lent an extra, feral touch to the anger on his friend's face as it draped around them. Sirius was close enough that James could smell his shampoo.

"What?" he repeated. "What didn't she tell me?" A wave of panic shot through him. _I'm not getting better! I'm dying!_

Sirius pulled back. "She. . ." he stopped, his mouth opening and closing but no more words coming out.

_She! Oh God! _"What?!"

"She was attacked by Death Eaters!" Sirius blurted out.

"What?" _I didn't hear that right. I couldn't have heard that right!_

"She was walking home from the market, yesterday. Along the way she was attacked by a handful of Death Eaters."

James tried to push up from the bed. The pain flared again but he fought against it. _Death Eaters attacked my Lily! _Sirius pushed him down flat with one hand on his chest. Agony rode through him, bringing tears to his eyes. _Death Eaters attacked my Lily!_ "Padfoot!" he raged, trying to sit up despite the pain.

"Stay, Prongs," Sirius commanded. Slowly, James gave in to his friend's gentle pressure. "There's nothing you can do in your condition anyway," Sirius chided. "She had the mirror and contacted me. I took care of her. I also made her promise not to go anywhere without me. At least until you're out of hospital." He removed his hand from James' chest.

James closed his eyes, breathing around the pain until it subsided. _Why Lily? Why not finish me off instead? _"Harry?" he asked.

"He was fine. Lily used a silencing charm on him and hid in the bushes on the roadside. She called me as soon as she could."

"Did you catch any of them?" James asked. _I can always hope to watch them in prison or interrogate them._

"Just one," Sirius said, a definite note of disappointment in his own voice.

"Why didn't she tell me?"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe she didn't want you to worry." James laughed bitterly, wincing again. "I don't want you to worry, Prongs," Sirius continued, "I'll watch out for her and Harry. You just concentrate on getting better." Sirius smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "I'll camp out at your place until you get out and about again."

James nodded, smiling up at Sirius despite the pain flaring in his shoulder. "Okay, Padfoot. I'll behave." With a nod, Sirius left. The door opened and closed behind him. James heaved another sigh and closed his eyes. _Why would they attack Lily? Why wouldn't they try for me again? I can't even move!_ James drifted off to sleep.

-----------

He felt the presence in the room as he pulled himself out of the grip of sleep. _Who's visiting me now? Sirius? Lily? _James opened his eyes.

The wrinkled face before him smiled. Blue eyes twinkled behind half-moon spectacles. _Oh, him._ James did not return the smile. Dumbledore's smile faded quickly and he looked away. "Ah, James," he said.

"Where were you?" he asked, feeling the anger build. "How could you use me like that?! You set me up with Voldemort and then left me to die! Look at me!" he screamed.

Dumbledore turned and looked at him. His face held its own anger. "You were in my office last Saturday, James. You called off the setup. You said you had to help Lily with Harry."

James stared at him, mouth agape. "I did no such thing!" His head started spinning.

"Yes, I know that now," Dumbledore spat.

"How--"

"Polyjuice Potion. Vile stuff," Dumbledore interrupted.

"But, that means that someone had to collect something of mine."

Dumbledore nodded, "Would it be so hard?" he asked.

_No, it wouldn't be hard. All the shaving I do, my weekly hair trimming, fingernail clippings. _"No, it wouldn't be hard at all," he conceded. "All they'd have to do is check through my dust bin." Dumbledore nodded again. "Sorry," James offered, "for losing my temper."

"There's no need to apologize, James. If our positions were reversed, I would be just as angry." Dumbledore said with a smile. James looked away.

"They attacked Lily," he whispered after a moment. _Why? Why her and not me?_

"I know. She's very lucky to have escaped Voldemort the way she did."

_Voldemort? _"Voldemort?" James tried sitting up again. Dumbledore watched him struggling for a moment.

"They didn't tell you," he said with a sigh, "You need to stay in bed, James. Sirius is looking after Lily and Harry. You trust him to do the job, right?"

James lay back, gasping. "But Voldemort, Dumbledore! Why does he care so much about us?!"

James felt the distance grow between them. "I'm not sure," he said, looking away. "I need to check a few things."

"You know," James accused.

"No, no. I have a suspicion, nothing more. I will tell you in good time James. I promise. But, for now, you must concentrate on getting well. Harry's first birthday is coming up. I'd hate to celebrate it here," he said, looking around for a minute at the sterile white walls, the small, stingy window. Then he rose, "Well, good-bye. I'll come visit you soon."

"Good-bye Dumbledore," James replied. He listened to the door open and close. _He knows why they're after me! He's probably known the whole time! The old Codger!"_ With a sigh, James closed his eyes and took a slow inventory of his pain._ As long as I don't move, I'm fine. But that's not true. That first day, the pain was fresh and bold. The next day it was deeper, older. But today, the pain is less; more bearable. Another week or two? Yeah. That sounds about right. I'll be out of here soon, my sweet Lily._

----------

James eased himself stiffly to the floor. With a grimace, he leaned back against the table that lay on its side. The run-down building hadn't changed much since the last time Sirius had led him here. Sirius slid down beside him. "You made it," he breathed.

James chuckled, "I've been up and about for a week, Padfoot. A short walk down an alley isn't about to do me in."

"True," Sirius said with his own chuckle. They lapsed into silence. Soon footsteps echoed through the abandoned office building. They drew near and James and Sirius listened as their guest sat stiffly beside them; the table between them.

"The Dark Lord has made his plans known to me," the messenger began. "At first he targeted James Potter and Sirius Black because they are two of Dumbledore's best men. Then, when Mister Black grew bold, it was obvious to the Lord that he needed to take further measures. His attempt to neutralize Black failed because of Potter."

Sirius scoffed silently beside James. Smiling, James elbowed him. _This is important._ He bit down on the laugh that bubbled up at the hurt look on Sirius' face.

"From that point," the informant continued, "Potter became the prime target. All our efforts went into learning his movements, his whereabouts."

_And they found themselves a spy._ James glowered. _Remus!_ Pain flared in his heart.

"For some reason, every time Mister Potter slipped through our fingers, the Dark Lord grew increasingly incensed. Last month's attack was our last chance, he claimed. Potter could not defy him again!"

"Defy him how?" James interrupted. _I don't remember defying him._ Sirius glared at him. The man behind the table stopped mid-word.

"By remaining alive," the informant answered, a sneer in his voice. James shrugged at Sirius who shook his head. _I just wanted to know. _With a small sigh, the man continued, "We failed a third time. Potter remained alive and well." The man stopped.

"Is that all?" Sirius asked.

"No!" the man hissed. "The Dark Lord has revealed, grudgingly, that his new target is not Lily Potter as everyone seems to think, but rather, her child."

_But rather her child! But rather her child! Harry?_ James' mind went blank. He threw himself up and over the table. "No!"

"Wait!" Sirius shouted trying to grab James and missing. James landed on the surprised informant, bearing him to the stone floor. _But rather, her child! The sneer in his voice! My Harry! No!_ The informant grunted, threw a punch towards James and missed, struggled to get away. But James had him. He grabbed the man's questing hand, certain it was going for a wand. He straddled the man, lifted his head with his free hand and pounded it into the floor.

Dazed, the informant stopped struggling. "What do you mean?! How can he be after Harry?!" James shouted in the man's face. He slammed his head down into the pavement again.

"Stop it, Prongs!" Sirius said, pulling him bodily off the man.

"NOT HARRY!" James shouted. "YOU'RE WRONG!" Sirius pulled him away. The informant stood, a stray beam of light falling on his face, lighting his pallid features, his lanky, black hair. James stopped struggling and Sirius released him, his hands falling to his sides. Both of them stared at the informant.

"Snivellus?" Sirius asked.

Snape's lip curled with loathing as he glared at Sirius. He turned his dark eyes to James. "Like it or not, Potter," he hissed, "The Dark Lord is after that mudblood child of yours. Merlin knows why."

"And why should I believe you?" James asked.

Snape stalked towards them, undoing his shirt sleeve. He stood glaring at them as he rolled it up. "Do you see that?" he snapped, holding his arm up to James' face. The Dark Mark tattoo burned as a dark ember in a fire-pit on Snape's forearm. Above it, the skin was red and raw, new and shiny ribbons of flesh. "The Dark Lord took that skin from me, Potter! He skinned me for asking why he'd bothered with Lily when you lay near-death in St. Mungos!" James recoiled as Snape shoved is arm closer, "And then he answered my question as I lay at his feet; bleeding for Dumbledore's precious information!" he spat. "And do you want to know the answer my blood bought? He said, 'I wasn't after that red-head mudblood! I wanted her son!'" Snape lowered his arm. He tossed a sneer of hatred at Sirius before turning his back on them. Then he disappeared, his deep purple cloak taunting them as it vanished into the shadows.

"Well, that went well," Sirius mused after a minute.

_I wanted her son! But rather her child!_ James clenched his fists. A buzzing began in his head, just inside his ears. _He's after Harry? Why? What would killing Harry prove?_ He turned and headed for the door. Sirius trailed quietly behind him. "I'm going to Hogwarts," James said as the buzzing in his head turned wooly, surrounding him in a soft, white noise.

"What? You don't believe Snivelly, do you?" Sirius asked, his voice both laughing and disbelieving. James pulled out his wand and vanished.

----------

He reappeared just outside the grounds of Hogwarts. Sirius apparate next to him as James started up the dirt track. Soon enough, they were once again sneaking through the corridors, climbing to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore stood outside the secret entrance to his office. He smiled at them as they neared him.

"James, Sirius," he greeted, "This way, please," he said, giving the password, Chocolate frog, and inviting them up the spiraling staircase.

"Please, have a seat," he instructed as they entered his office. He conjured two straight-backed chairs.

"No thank-you," James spat. _I will have answers! He can't keep this from me! _Dumbledore studied him.

"Very well," he sighed, "A little privacy, please. Thank-you," Dumbledore called out to the room in general. There was a small commotion as the portraits surrounding them emptied. "You too, Sirius." he added.

"What? No!" Sirius said. He folded his arms across his chest and stood his ground.

"Go, Sirius," James whispered. Sirius gaped at him. "Please, Padfoot," he added, watching the anger settle around his shoulders. Glaring, Sirius stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

"Snape just told me that Voldemort is after Harry," James began as the echoes from the door died away. "I'm not leaving this office without the whole story, Dumbledore."

"Snape told you?" Dumbledore's eyebrows climbed towards his hairline. He turned and made his way around his office. "You do realize Snape's role in our war?" he asked.

"He's a Death Eater," James said, voice full of scorn, and then he stopped, "He's a Death Eater risking his scrawny neck for our side."

"Eloquent." Dumbledore said. James smiled wryly. "And true. You and Sirius must not let his identity slip."

James nodded his agreement. "Of course not. Now, the truth."

"I've always told you the truth, James," Dumbledore said, a twinkle returning to his eye.

"Omission--"

"Isn't lying," he interrupted. James opened his mouth to protest, and Dumbledore silenced him with a wave. "I will tell you what I can, James."

"But not all of it," James said, sitting at last, the glare on his face boring into Dumbledore.

"Enough of it," Dumbledore replied. "Voldemort feels that Harry is destined to be his undoing," Dumbledore said. James let the words drift around him. _My son? His undoing? How?_

"What would give him that idea?" he asked.

Dumbledore shrugged, "Something someone overheard, perhaps."

_Someone overhears something and Voldemort decides to kill my son? _Tears stung as they gathered in his eyes. "I. . . I can't believe it's just that simple," he said.

"Ahh. That part is simple," Dumbledore confided, "But what to do about it? How do we keep Harry safe?"

James looked up at the old wizard expectantly. _You have an answer, right? That'll be easy for you, Dumbledore._ Dumbledore sighed. "I will think on a more permanent solution. In the meantime, might I suggest keeping a low profile?"

"Should we move again? They attacked Lily and Harry on her way home." James sighed. _How can I move my family again?_

"No. I think you'll be alright for now. They followed her from the market."

"And Harry's party? We should cancel it," James said, looking away.

"Oh, I think we have time to arrange something. Portkeys and a safe-house," Dumbledore suggested with a smile.

_Oh God! I have to tell Lily!_ "Lily," James breathed.

Dumbledore steepled his fingers and stared up at the ceiling. "Yes, you'll need to tell her. I'll come up with a solution, James. If Harry really is our hope for defeating Voldemort, we may need to keep him safe for quite a few years."

"Whatever it takes, Dumbledore," he said, rising. Dumbledore nodded before James turned away.

Outside the office, Sirius hugged him close. "Oh God, James!" he whispered. "Let my help, please. I'm Harry's Godfather!"

"So you heard," James said, pulling back.

"Of course," Sirius said with a smile and a wink. They rode down the spiral staircase in silence and crept past the gargoyle. It wasn't until the main door was closed behind them that James spoke.

"Alright, Padfoot. You're in. As soon as Dumbledore comes up with a plan, I'll let you know. For now, we're going to disappear. You may have to spend less time gallivanting around the countryside and more time running errands for us."

"Anything," Sirius agreed. James clapped him on the shoulder and they walked on out of the grounds. "I'll come over tomorrow, alright?"

James nodded, "Yes, alright. See you, Padfoot," he said, disapparating back to his home.

----------

"Is that you, James?" Lily called from the kitchen. James smiled.

"Yes it is," he called.

"Da da da da da," Harry babbled, taking a wobbly step away from the sofa he'd been using for support. James' heart skipped a beat. He knelt down, just inside the doorway to the front room. Lily came in from the dining area. Harry tried another half-step. "Da da da da," he said again.

"That's right, little man!" James encouraged, arms out to his son. "Come on!" He glanced up at Lily's beaming face. Harry toppled backwards, landing on his bottom. "Oh, so close!" James said. He stood and crossed the room to Harry.

Harry's arms and legs wriggled excitedly. "Da da da!" he squealed. James scooped him up and held him close. _How can this precious angel save us from Voldemort? How can we keep him _safe_ from Voldemort?_

"James, honey, what is it?" Lily asked, wiping a tear from his cheek. _Now I'm crying._

"I . . . Uh. . . Bad news, Lil," he said, taking a deep, shaky breath. Her emerald eyes flashed and she paled. "Umm. . ." he sighed. "Voldemort wasn't after you the other day, Lily."

"What?" her grip on his arms tightened as her eyes danced across his face.

"He was after Harry," James whispered. Lily's knees buckled and he held her up, supporting her.

"What. . . I don't," she began.

"He's gotten it into his head that Harry's going to be the one who defeats him," he pressed onward.

"Our Harry?" Lily asked, the incredulity unmistakable in her voice. James nodded. "But," she shook her head, "Oh James, that can't be right." Pain lanced across her face, burrowed into his heart.

"It's true enough, Lil," he said. She hugged him and Harry close, crying now, her tears falling to his shoulder.

"What are we going to do?" she asked, panic edging her voice.

"Dumbledore's thinking. He says to stay here for now and not go out."

"But--"

"Sirius will help us with errands, shopping."

"Our Harry?" she asked again, taking Harry from him, holding him close. "Not our Harry. It's a mistake."

_Oh Lily, I wish it was one. I really do._


	19. July 1981

**July 1981**

The house was an old, brick, two-story monstrosity. Lily cocked her eyebrow at James. "Has Dumbledore lost his mind?" she asked.

"I'm sure it's better on the inside," he reassured her. Taking her by the hand, he led her up the stone steps to the front door. Harry wriggled in his other arm, eager for freedom.

The door opened easily at Lily's touch. Inside, the house was bright and airy. "See?" James held out his free hand, indicating the large foyer. "And Dumbledore's even added decorations."

Banners proclaiming 'Happy Birthday' lined the walls. Streamers and balloons hung from the ceiling. James set Harry down upon the area rug at the center of the drawing room. He wandered over to a bar that had been set up in the far corner of the room.

Lily sighed with obvious relief. "Yes, it is wonderful," she admitted, looking around the room. It glowed with subdued warmth, lending comfort to any weary soul that entered.

James poured two drinks and returned to Lily's side. "I like it," he said. Lily smiled at him. _Sweet Lily._ He returned the smile.

There was a knock on the door and a wheezy, "Hello?"

"We're here," James called. Peter sidled into the room. "Alright, Wormtail?"

"Fine, thank-you," Peter said as James handed him the second drink. He set his gift down on an end table and smiled. James went to fix himself another drink. "Hiya, Harry," Peter greeted. Harry smiled up at him briefly before returning to the fringe at the edge of the area rug he sat on. "Who else is coming?" he asked, turning away from Harry.

"Just Sirius, as far as I know," James answered.

"Not Dumbledore?"

"He said he'd try, but I'm not expecting him to make it," James replied, returning with his drink. Peter nodded in understanding.

"And how are you, Lily?" Peter asked.

"Tired," she answered with a weary smile. "Always tired."

"She's just looking for a babysitter," James offered. Lily glared at him.

"Oh! I'd be happy to!" he offered, "Anytime!"

"Thank-you, Peter," Lily answered, "But, really, we have Sirius."

"Oh. Alright then. But if you ever need me, you know where to find me," he said.

"I know right where to find you, Wormtail," Sirius added from the doorway, "Always underfoot." James looked up and smiled at his best friend.

"Wee Wee!" Harry called excitedly. The adults all turned towards him. He had pulled himself up to a standing position against a beige sofa. He turned towards Sirius and stepped away form his support. James held his breath and grabbed Lily by the arm. _Come on!_ Harry wobbled, dangerously close to falling, "Wee Wee!" he cried again. He took one step then another towards Sirius.

"James," Lily breathed.

Sirius closed the distance between them and knelt down, arms out. "Come on, Harry," he encouraged. Harry took a tentative half-step, and then fell backwards onto his bottom. Applause broke out around him. Startled, Harry looked over at James and smiled.

"Da, da, da!" he crooned.

"Harry!" Sirius cried, rising. He scooped him up and tossed him into the air. "That was so close!" Lily gasped as Sirius caught him.

"Sirius!" she scolded.

"Did you see him?!" he asked, grinning ear to ear, grey eyes sparkling, "Did you?"

"I see you tossing my baby around!" Lily continued.

James chuckled, "Yes, we saw," he said.

"Did you hear him?" Peter asked. "He called you 'Wee Wee," he said to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged, "He's been saying my name for a couple weeks now."

"Oh?" Peter said. He shrugged as well and turned away. Sirius set his gift down beside Peter's.

"Well," he said, turning his attention to James. "What's first? Shall we play party games?"

"I think dinner first," Lily said. "I'll see what Dumbledore has prepared." She hesitated, "Peter," she said at last, "Will you help me in the kitchen?"

"Yes, of course," he said. _But she wanted to ask for Remus._ Guilt stabbed at James, a pang of loss like a knife wound to his gut._ Oh, Remus, why?_

"What is it?" Sirius asked as the other two left.

James smiled. _You could always tell. Sometimes you know when my mood has changed before I do. _He ruffled Harry's hair before answering. "Lily almost asked for Remus' help in the kitchen," he said. Sirius' anger crackled to the surface.

"Have you changed your mind?" he asked, "about him?"

James shook his head, "No," he said. _Though sometimes, I lay awake at night and wonder. I wish I knew where I went wrong. What did I do to deserve this hand that I've been dealt? Could I have been so terrible? _"But today is supposed to be a happy day." He forced a smile. Sirius nodded his agreement.

"Alright then," he said, clapping James on the shoulder. "You're right. Enough dwelling. Let's eat!" Sirius carried Harry into the dining room with James following.

The table was set with a selection of dishes, steak and kidney pie, chicken legs, roast beef. Fresh fruit and steamed vegetables highlighted the display. Joyously, they sat down to the feast. As they ate, Lily remin9isced about the past year with Harry. Half-way through the food before them, the party was interrupted by a large brown owl. It flew in through the chimney, blowing soot behind it and alighted on the table in front of James. There was a scroll and a small box attached to its leg.

James stared at it, unmoving. The owl stared back and held out the package for him. Numbly, James took the scroll. When he unrolled it, Remus' handwriting greeted him.

_James,_

_What could I say to make you trust me again? I have no further evidence. I would n__ever have betrayed you, Harry or Lily. You are my best friend and have been since t__hat first day on the Hogwarts Express. That you choose Sirius' take on events o__ver mine is understandable and I can't say I blame you. _

_I have sent along a present for Harry, in honor of the love I have for him._

_And for you._

_Remus J. Lupin_

James read the note through twice before anyone interrupted him. "Who's it from?" Sirius asked.

"James, what is it?" Lily asked, her voice brimming with concern. _I shouldn't tell them. 'In honor of the love I have for him. And for you.' _He could feel the tears gathering.

"Well," Peter prodded.

"It's from Remus," he answered.

"Send it back," Sirius hissed. He went to grab the package.

"No,' James said. He held up a hand to stop Sirius.

"Oh, James," Lily commiserated. _She has never believed he was the one. _"We should open it at least. See what it is." She too reached for the package.

"And what if it's cursed?!" Sirius raged. "Send it back!" He clenched his fists and glared at all of them in turn.

_Remus, you were my best friend too. You and Sirius. All I've done for you. To you. _The last thought echoed through him, _to you. But I couldn't be wrong, could I? I baited him and he took the bait! 'What could I say to make you trust me again?' Nothing? Anything?_

"Well," Lily said, reaching for the package again.

"No!" Sirius shouted, hesitant to move closer. "Lily!"

"Lily--" James started.

"I'll open it," she said, interrupting James. She pulled the package from the owl before either of them could stop her. Her hands flew and she held up a new pair of shoes. Little white cross-trainers with red trim. She dropped them to the table with a half-laugh, half-sob crawling from her throat.

"They could be cursed," Sirius continued, glaring. James stared at him. _It's true. They could be cursed. _"At least let someone check them for spells before letting Harry wear them," Sirius pouted. James nodded and picked them up.

"I'm with Sirius on this one," Peter added. "Who knows what vile spell he put on them?"

"There is no spell on them," Lily protested. Tears fell from her bright green eyes.

"Even after being exposed, he could still be after poor Harry," Peter continued, ignoring Lily. James glared at him. Peter subsided under his steady gaze.

"We don't know that there is a spell," James said. "I'll have one of the Aurors check them," he added hastily to head off Sirius' next tirade.

Sirius folded his arms over his chest, "Fine," he hissed.

James forced a smile as the owl flew off, at last rid of its burdens. They returned to the meal. Darkness fell beyond the cheery warmth of the room. When the food was gone, Sirius and Peter presented their gifts to Harry.

He smiled at the shiny wrapping, tossing a hesitant look at his mother first, he picked up the present and shook it. "Open it," Sirius encouraged. He tore a hole in the paper, revealing the contents just enough for Harry to see there was more to it than crinkle-paper. Interested, Harry pulled at the fuzzy whiteness.

James reached in and opened the package further. "And Peter's present is. . ." he announced. Lily laughed.

"The suspense is killing me," Peter breathed. Harry pulled the paper away to reveal a snow-white teddy bear.

"A teddy!" James finished. Applause rang through the room. Harry hugged the bear close.

"Look, one more," Sirius said, starting a tear in his package as well.

"Where are your presents?" Peter asked James.

"Lily gave them to him this morning."

"I couldn't wait," she laughed.

"We gave him a bunch of toys and clothes," James said.

"And a new coat," Lily added. James nodded. "His old one was so small. It seems silly to give him a coat in the middle of summer, but it was on sale and it'll be winter again before we know it."

"Hey!" Sirius barked. The three chatting friends turned back to him and Harry. Harry had the blue wrapping paper nearly off. Inside was a green dragon pull-toy.

"Oh, Sirius, it's adorable!" Lily exclaimed, "And he's so close to walking."

"Watch Harry," Sirius said. He took the toy from its package and set it down on the floor. When he pulled it along, the dragon's eyes glowed green and its head bobbed up and down. Harry laughed and took the toy from Sirius.

"Thank-you both," Lily said. "I'm so glad you could come."

"Well, I've had a lovely time, as always, Lily," Peter said. 'I'm afraid, though, that it's closing in on my bedtime."

"Harry's too," James added. _It has been a wonderful evening._ "Do you reckon Dumbledore will have someone pop in and clean or shall we?"

"Let's all lend a hand," Sirius said, pulling out his wand. Before him, Harry gave a long, long yawn.

James and Lily laughed. "Someone's tired," James said. Peter pulled out his own wand as well and started for the dining room. 'You go on and take him home, Lil," he said. I'll stay here and clean."

"Are you sure?" she asked. James nodded smiled. "Alright then." She took out her return portkey. Picking up Harry, she held him close. With a grateful smile, she was whisked away.

"Why don't you go too?" Sirius suggested. "I'll finish up with Peter." He looked at him pointedly, "I know you don't want Lily and Harry alone. So, go."

"Well," he hesitated. _You're right, Padfoot. _"Okay. See you in a few then."

"I'll try not to wake Harry," he chimed in. James smiled before disapparating.

Lily was sitting in her rocking chair in the corner of the bedroom when he arrived. "Harry asleep?" he whispered.

"Almost," she answered.

He crossed to her. _Sweet Lily. _Bending forward, he kissed her softly. "I love you," he breathed against her skin.

"I love you too." She sighed, "It really was a lovely day, wasn't it?"

"Yes. It was," he said. Straightening, he started removing his robes.

"Oh!" Lily cried, putting a hand in her pocket.

"What?"

"I forgot to give Sirius the shopping list."

James chuckled. "You had me worried," he said, his hands moving again.

"No," he wanted to go first thing tomorrow. I'll just pop over and give it to him now." She stood.

"Why now?"

"Well," she hesitated, "Well so he won't disturb us," she said at last, a hint of a giggle in her voice.

"Oh." James smiled at her. _Right!_ "Hurry back," he added. She returned the smile, pulled out her wand and disappeared.

Five minutes later, James was still waiting. _Merlin! She must be helping Sirius finish the kitchen. Hmph, she is vulnerable to his charm after all. _He moved from the rocking chair to the bed. The clock on the bedside table showed ten minutes before midnight. He watched the minutes tick y. _Surely she's been long enough. What is she doing? Washing the dishes by hand? _He climbed out of bed. The clock struck midnight. James paced into the nursery. Harry lay asleep in his crib.

_Come on, Lil! What's wrong?!_ He looked down at Harry. _I can't even go look for you!_ _God, please keep her safe. Please bring her home. _Panic was growing inside him, along with anger at his inability to go in search of her. He went back to the bedroom and shuffled through his drawers. _Come on! Where is it?_ His hand closed on the cool glass and he pulled out his two-way mirror.

"Padfoot?" he breathed across it. There was no answer. _Why would there be? It's probably in his room downstairs. And obviously, he's not. _Pacing back into the nursery, he checked the clock again, sure that an hour had gone by. Twelve-fifteen. _Lily! Come on! Something's happened! I know it! God! _He kicked the wall, rattling the portrait hanging there. Harry startled in his sleep, flinging his arms wide. James held his breath as Harry drifted back to sleep. With a sigh, he lowered himself into the nursery rocker, laying his head in his hands. The silence around him weighed heavy on his heart and echoed through him. Harry's deep, rapid breaths were the only sound.

A sudden CRACK startled James awake. He looked around. Harry still slept in his crib, the room awash in a pale blue light. "James?" Lily called from somewhere downstairs. James stood. He could hear her running up the stairs. About time!He rushed out into the hall.

"Where have you been?" he asked. The anger died when he saw her. She threw herself into his arms. She was crying; great, ragged sobs. Her hair was tangled and knotted, matted. James ran a hand over her head. Thick, sticky blood coated his hand. Panic burst over him. "Lily?" he pulled her away, looking hard at her. She was pale, cut and bleeding in places, her robes torn and scorched. "What happened?" he breathed.

"It's Sirius," she sobbed, "James, he's in St. Mungos."


	20. August 1981

**A/N: Sorry about the cliff-hanger ending. I couldn't help myself. :-)**

**August 1981**

"Oh God, James," Lily sobbed, holding him close.

"Lily, tell me what happened!" he demanded fiercely.

Her voice shook as she spoke, "I popped back over to give Sirius the list. And . . . There were Death Eaters there! James! If we had stayed only a little while longer. . . Harry," she couldn't bring herself to finish the thought.

_Death Eaters right behind us!_ "What about Peter?" he asked.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. Sirius was bleeding in the middle of the room. I ran for him. But, when I reached him," she shook her head, "I didn't know what to do! And the Death Eaters were all there laughing. I grabbed Sirius and used my emergency portkey."

"You're bleeding, Lil," James said, showing her his hand. Lily nodded.

"It was really hard to reach Sirius," she said, pulling away. "They closed the wound at St. Mungos. I--I told them to hurry. That I'd get cleaned up later. I. . . I didn't want you to worry about me."

James pulled her close. _My sweet Lily. _She let him hold her, let him be her strength as she cried. "It's okay. We're okay," he soothed.

"Do--do you think we'll be safe here?" she asked.

"Did they issue another portkey?" he asked. She nodded. "Then at least you and Harry can get away if you need to."

Lily chuckled bitterly," You know, the Ministry official actually chided me for using the portkey with Sirius." She pitched her voice higher, "These Portkeys are for emergency transport of mother and child only." Her laughter turned to tears. James held her again. "No," she pulled away, her tears stopping. "I know you want to see Sirius. Go on. I'll be fine. I'll get cleaned up and follow, with Harry, on the Knight Bus."

"No I don't want you traveling alone. I'll wait while you get cleaned up. We'll all go together on the Knight Bus."

-----

An hour later, they were walking along the deserted corridor of St. Mungos. James left Lily and Harry in a waiting area and proceeded to Sirius' room. He opened the door slowly, a knot of trepidation clawing at his stomach.

Candlelight set Sirius' face aglow. He smiled at James. "Alright, Prongs?" he asked, his voice little more than a whisper. James hurried across to him.

"Sirius, are you okay?" he took a quick inventory of his friend as he asked. No cuts, no bruises. But a haunted look in his eyes. That wasn't there before. Ignoring the chair beside the bed, James sat down next to Sirius, the matress creaking under him.

"I'm better than you were," Sirius said with a forced smile. "They've cleaned me up nicely." He bit his lip and looked up at the ceiling. "How's Lily?" he asked.

"She's fine. She's just outside with Harry. I'll get her."

"No, wait," he reached for James. "What did she tell you?"

Frowning, James tried to remember, "She said that when she popped back to give you the shopping list, you were surrounded by Death Eaters. She ran to you and used her portkey to bring you here."

"She fought like a lion, like a tiger," Sirius smiled, "I don't blame her for leaving out details. She knows how much you worry about her."

"What has she left out?" _Or maybe I don't want to know._

"Voldemort was there."

Panic flowed through him at Sirius' words, followed by a red-hot anger.

"James," Sirius said, "I didn't tell you that to piss you off." James glared at him. "I just think you need to know the whole story. Don't be angry with her."

Unclenching his fists, James put his head in his hands. "I'm not angry with her. I'm angry with him. That's twice now that he's hurt my Lily! What gives him the right?!"

"Shh, James! You'll be thrown out!"

"Let them try!" he raged at Sirius. Sirius shrugged. "I thought I was the angry, unreasonable one," he said. James blinked at him a few times then laughed.

"You're right," he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'd be yelling too if I were you."

"So, what happened?" James asked, regaining control.

"Peter and I were finishing the kitchen. There was a crash in the front room. I went to see what it was. There were Death Eaters everywhere. They swarmed over me, took my wand. Peter ran in and the Death Eaters grabbed him. They knocked him out." Sirius stopped, closing his eyes. With a sigh he continued. "Then one of them removed his hood," he continued, his voice shaking, "Voldemort. He demanded to know your whereabouts. I spit in his face," Sirius smirked then sighed. "I don't remember much after that. Pain, my bones breaking, and then. . . Then Lily was there, fighting them, and then we were in the Lobby. I. . . I don't think she even noticed Peter." He laughed. "But I think he's probably okay, right? He doesn't know where you live. The Death Eaters, probably left him lying in the corner, He'll--"

There was a knock at the door and Peter came in. His arm was done up in a sling and he was panting and wheezing, as if he'd just run a marathon. "Sirius," he cried.

"Well, hey Peter," James chuckled.

"Walk through my door any moment," Sirius finished.

"Oh, Sirius," Peter wailed, crossing to him, opposite James. "I tried! I tried so hard!"

"Shh!" Sirius held a finger to his lips, "It's not your fault."

"It's okay, Peter," James continued.

"I--I tried to help, James. There were Death Eaters everywhere. They surrounded me; I . . . I don't remember anything but rushing in and seeing Sirius on his knees, surrounded by them. I--I tried." He broke into a sob. "I woke up on the floor. The house was dark and empty. I reported the attack to Dumbledore and now I'm here." He wiped tears from his face, "I was walking down the hall and heard Harry laugh. Lily told me what she did. Oh, James," he shook his head, "she feels so bad for leaving me behind. I told her not to worry about it. They were after Sirius, not me."

James nodded. "It's okay Peter. The important thing is that we're all safe now. Is Dumbledore here?" He studied his friend as he nodded. Bruises blossomed across his face, his robes were torn but he'd pulled them as straight as possible. James sighed and looked back at Sirius. "No one blames you, Peter," he finished.

"Well," he squeezed Sirius' shoulder gently, "I'm sure Dumbledore will want to talk to you. The Healers said two visitors at a time," Peter said as he turned around. "I'm glad you're alright, Sirius," he added.

"Hey, wait with Lily, will you, Peter? She shouldn't be alone. She's still shaken up." James called after him.

"Sure thing, James," he said with a smile. The door closed.

"How did the Death Eaters find us?" James mused aloud. "It couldn't have been Remus."

"His owl knew where to find us," Sirius whispered.

"Owls know everything, Sirius. Remus wouldn't necessarily have to know." James shook his head. "And Peter was attacked with you. Maybe. . ." James sighed, shaking his head.

"Maybe Dumbledore was wrong," a cautious voice said from the door. James looked up. Remus' blue eyes glinted in the half-light. He smiled slightly, sadly. "Dumbledore sent me an owl. He told me to come, that you and Peter had been attacked." His voice broke. "I--I just wanted to see you." He walked slowly into the room, a cautious air about him. "I do realize that this makes me the only one who hasn't been attacked."

"Remus," James breathed.

"What do you want?" Sirius snapped.

"I just wanted to see you, Sirius," Remus answered. "I--I was worried about you." He turned away from Sirius' glare; away from James' stare.

"What do you care?" Sirius continued.

"Because you're my friend, Sirius. My best friend." He sighed and turned his back to them. But he didn't leave.

_Remus, I've treated you so badly. It couldn't have been you! Not this time. And . . . And my heart's been trying to tell me it wasn't you last time either. But then who? Maybe Dumbledore _was_ wrong. . . Maybe. . . _

"I miss you, Sirius," Remus continued, talking to the wall, unable to face the poison in Sirius' glare. "I miss afternoon teas. For four years we've sat together sipping tea on Sunday. Why would I trade that for anything Voldemort could offer me? Don't you think I'd rather have your friendship?" He turned back around. His voice shook as he met Sirius' eyes. "I'd rather die than lose your friendship, Sirius." He looked at James.

James held out a hand to him. Remus reached for it, took hold of him with his own trembling hand, and squeezed. _Strong, human warmth, my best friend._ James stood and pulled him into a hug. "God, Remus, I've been so stupid," he whispered into his ear.

"Dumbledore was wrong?" Sirius asked from the bed. "Do you realize how strange that is? Dumbledore?" James pulled away from Remus and turned to Sirius. "He's only human," he said. "Everyone makes mistakes. He and Snivelly were wrong."

"Snivelly?" Remus asked. "What--"

"He's Dumbledore's agent." James began, "Ah. . . We weren't supposed to tell you that. Or anyone." Sirius sighed exasperatedly behind him. James shrugged.

Remus smiled, "My lips are sealed," he said.

James turned back to Sirius, "But doesn't that make more sense than one of us being a spy? I've been trying so hard to believe it was Remus, no matter how wrong it felt. You and Peter have been attacked; I've been attacked. Dumbledore seems certain it wasn't Remus."

"What about the owl?" Sirius asked.

"My owl?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "I didn't think you'd have a party for Harry so I sent an owl to Dumbledore and asked him to forward the present to you. He knew where to find you."

"It was Dumbledore's owl that delivered the present?" James asked.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose he could have told my owl where you were, but I didn't know. Still don't know," Remus added.

James studied Sirius, watched him struggle with the plots in his head. "Then how are they doing it?" he asked. "If none of us are the spy, how did they know James would be at his parents' graves? How did they know where Harry's party would be?" he asked, still glaring at Remus.

"Maybe one of us talks in our sleep?" he suggested.

"Not likely," Sirius growled.

Remus shrugged, "It was only a possibility," he conceded.

"Legilimency?" James whispered. "It could be anyone that walked past me. I've never been good at Occlumency."

"But you'd have to be dwelling on our plans for a Legilimens to see them. And how would they know what we were planning on doing and what you were only thinking about doing?" Sirius asked.

"It's not likely, I know," James said, shaking his head.

"But when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth," Remus said. They stood in silence for a moment.

Sirius sighed, "I don't want to think about this anymore, James," he said. James chuckled, smiling down at him.

"I should go out now," Remus said. "Dumbledore wanted to talk to the pair of you."

"Will you wait for me?" James asked.

Remus nodded. "Of course," he said. Then he turned and left. James watched thoughts chase through Sirius' eyes.

A soft knock on the door announced Dumbledore. "Sirius, James," he greeted as he crossed the room.

"Dumbledore," James returned. Sirius nodded slightly.

"So," he began, "What's your verdict on Remus?"

James sighed, "He didn't even know about Harry's party. He couldn't have told the Death Eaters our location. And if it was your owl that brought his present. . ." James shrugged. "I feel so bad about driving him away," he said.

"You'll make it up to him, I'm sure. I too owe him an apology," he said. "But, first things first." He sat down on the stiff-backed chair between the two of them. "I've come up with a way to keep Harry safe indefinitely. It's a very powerful spell indeed. It's called the Fidelius Charm. It will keep you and your family hidden, James, for as long as needed. Death Eaters could walk through Harry's bedroom and never see him; even if he was screaming at the top of his lungs, so long as your secret keeper didn't divulge his information." He looked at Sirius. "I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that you'll be choosing Sirius as your secret keeper."

"How will it work?" James asked.

"We'll move you and your family one last time. To a location of your choosing," he added. "Then we'll place the Fidelius Charm on Sirius. His secret will be the location of your new home. So long as you remain in the house or garden, you won't be seen. Even if Voldemort himself walked down the street."

"Unless Sirius tells him?" James clarified. Sirius snorted. Dumbledore nodded.

"So I'll have to give up working? Because if I leave the house, the Death Eaters will follow me and find us?"

"Well, I'll provide you with a stipend. But even if the Death Eaters followed you home, once you crossed the threshold, you'd disappear from the face of the planet. Now, I want this to be as fool-proof as possible. It's going to have to last for years." He sighed. "I will teach Lily the charm. Then only you three will know where you are."

"What about owls?" James asked.

Dumbledore shook his head. "Sirius would have to tell them where to find you." James looked at Sirius, who nodded. _Where can we live quietly for years? A house surrounded by a picket fence. A vegetable patch in the front corner of the yard. _James nodded.

"How long do we have?" he asked.

"Oh, Lily is so gifted with charms. It wouldn't be much longer than a few weeks.

"I'll do it, James," Sirius declared. "It's the best shot we have."

James nodded. _What other choice do we have? There will only be one way for us to be discovered. And Sirius would never. . . . _"Alright, let's do it."

Once Dumbledore had left and Sirius had fallen asleep, James went out into the hall. Remus lay slumped against Lily. He dozed, Harry asleep on his lap. Lily's hand traced through his hair, gently combing it out of his face. It feathered back into his eyes once she'd moved her hand.

She smiled up at him. "Told you so," she mouthed, smiling.

James gave her a half-cocked smile and sauntered across to her. "I still love you," he said.

"I know," she giggled.

Remus stirred, lifting his head from her shoulder. He smiled up at James. "Let's walk," James invited.

"Oh, that's not fair," Lily pouted. "I want to see this. A humbled James Potter. Such a rarity." Remus straightened up and tried on a look of wide-eyed innocence.

"Fine," James said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Can you forgive me, Remus? I. . . Well, we really couldn't believe it was you." Lily snorted. James glared at her for a moment before continuing. "I thought that if we started with you, it would be an easy one. There was no reason to suspect you. You were supposed to be the one we eliminated."

"And for some reason, they found out anyway that you were going to see your parents' graves." Remus finished. James nodded. Remus smiled. "I forgive you, James. All I've wanted these last couple months was to be beside you again," he whispered. "But what about Sirius? He didn't seem convinced."

"No, he's fine. It's all mixed up in his head right now. Give him a few days. By the time he's out of here, he'll realize why the mistakes we made seemed right at the time."

Remus nodded, "If you say so, James."

_A/N: Remus quotes a line from Sherlock Holmes, The Sign of Four by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle_


	21. September 1981

**September 1981**

The same layer of dust that covered the old furniture lent a fuzzy rime to the memories. _He lay just there, staring out the window. Was he watching for me? Was he hoping I'd save them or that I'd come too late? Too late to save them, just in time to save myself. _With a grimace, James turned away from the front bay window. Family ghosts flitted through the rooms around him. His mother baking pies for Sirius, setting them down to cool, just there on that counter-top. And there he was, about eight years old, running through the dining room, knocking over the family heirloom vase. It shattered on the hardwood floor. _I knew there was a spell to fix it; I just couldn't remember what it was. _His father found him crying over the pieces and repaired it. _I wonder if mother ever found out. Was a broken vase the type of secret a father took to his grave? Would I ever tell Lily something Harry did that only I knew about?_

With a sigh, James waved his wand and started an army of feather dusters flying around the room, removing the dust, the memories. Turning away, he made his way out into the front garden. Godric's Hollow greeted him with a sunny September day. The crisp autumn air, just beginning to turn nippy, had persuaded the trees to change color. Lily and Harry were playing with the first leaves that had fallen from the willow tree that dominated the front yard.

Sirius was there too, stripped down to the waist. He swung an axe high overhead and dropped it soundly into the log before him. It split cleanly, the two halves clattering to either side of the chopping block. "What are you doing, Padfoot?" James asked, smiling. _My dad loved to work with that axe. "Muggles are so fascinating," he'd say, "The simplicity of it all."_

Sirius smiled up at him, resting the axe across his shoulders. "I loved chopping wood with your dad, Prongs." He glanced at the axe-head. "Your dad's spell is still intact. Can you believe it?"

James chuckled, "Of course." _One-swing chopping. Yes, chopping wood was easy once his dad had bespelled the axe._

"Want to have a go?" Sirius offered him the axe. "You can take your shirt off."

Laughing, James took the axe. "I'll leave my clothes on, thank-you," he said. Sirius bent and placed a log on-end for him. James swung the axe in a smooth arc over his head. It slammed into the log, splitting it cleanly in two with a satisfying thunk. The pieces joined Sirius' on the ground. Sirius picked up the four pieces of wood and carried them over to the wood-pile beside the house.

Setting the axe down beside the chopping block, James picked up Sirius' shirt from where he'd discarded it. He followed behind Sirius and handed him the shirt after he'd deposited the wood. "What's wrong, Prongs?" Sirius asked as he shrugged the shirt back on.

"You'll catch your death out here, dressed like that," James said, his smile dying. _But maybe that's the plan. _"I heard a rumor, Padfoot."

Sirius looked away towards the thicket of trees that bordered the Potter's family home. "I've let it slip that I'm your secret keeper. Is that the rumor you heard?" he asked. James nodded. Sirius' eyes grew distant and he started towards the woods. James trailed after him. They walked in silence until they reached the back fence. Sirius folded his arms and rested them on the top railing of the wooden fence. James stood beside him, leaning against the fence, facing his home. Sirius continued, "Voldemort knows I'm the only one who has ever known your whereabouts. He'll be after me anyway. I . . ." his voice broke and he sighed. "I'm leaving, James," he whispered.

"What?" James turned to him. "That's why--"

"That's why I've started the rumors," Sirius said. He nodded and met James' stare. "Everyone will know I'm the only one who can find you. But they'll never find me." He smiled wistfully.

"That's crazy, Sirius! The Death Eaters will be all over you!" James pushed away from the fence and faced him.

"That's the idea, James. That way. . . That way you and Lily and Harry will be safe. Forever." Sirius turned back towards the autumn thicket.

"But what if they find you?" James demanded.

"Well, they'll never take me alive." _NO!_ "Don't worry though," he continued, "America's a big place."

"America?" James echoed. Sirius nodded.

He looked at James, "they'll never find me," he repeated.

"No," James shook his head. _This isn't right! _"I don't want you to do this. It's crazy!"

Sirius studied him hard, "What have you done with James?" he asked with a smile and a chuckle.

"I'm serious," James said, "You can't do this."

"It's too late, Prongs. I've already told every gossip in Great Britain. Once you and Lily are done refurbishing this place, and Lily is ready, we'll. . . Well. . ." he shrugged and turned back towards the forest. James stared at his back.

"This isn't right," he tried. "You can't leave Harry like this, Sirius. He needs you; I need you."

"I promised to protect your family, Prongs. And this is how I've chosen to keep that promise." Sirius looked over his shoulder at James, "What better way is there to protect Harry? I'll draw all the Death Eaters on a ten year, wild goose chase. It's a brilliant plan." Jaw set, he crossed his arms and looked away again.

_Stubborn! But what can we do? He's already set this in motion!_ "I know there isn't any other path to take. But, God, Sirius! I don't want you to do this!"

"I'll miss you too, Prongs." Sirius turned to face him, his eyes too shiny, too wide, a soft smile playing across his lips. "All I've ever wanted was to be beside you. From that first night in Gryffindor Tower. Even now, years later, there's nothing I would rather do than stand here with you. But, a promise is a promise. And I will keep this one. They won't find me," his voice hitched, "And in ten years, I'll see you again."

James shook his head. _Is this what it's come to? _"Oh, Prongs," Sirius stepped forward, reaching for him. James pulled him close, laid his forehead against Sirius' brow. They stood still. A great, heavy pain grew within James. _That's my heart breaking._ It filled his throat, called tears to his eyes. _Dear friend. Ten years is ten years too long!_ Sirius' hand tightened on James' shoulder, moved up to grasp his neck and squeeze. James wrapped his own arms around Sirius.

"I'm scared this time, Prongs," he whispered through his tears, dark hair falling around them, hiding them. "Really scared." Sirius held him tight, unwilling to part. James sighed and loosened his grip. Sirius took the cue and pulled away slightly. He laid a gentle kiss on James' head before he finished pulling away. "You're the best friend I ever had, James Potter," he said, voice unnaturally firm.

James looked up into his tear-filled eyes; crystalline tears filling his own, trailing down his cheeks, "And you're my best friend, Sirius Black. Forever." Sirius nodded and pulled James close again.

"Don't tell Lily yet, okay? I--I don't want her to worry about me," he hissed.

"Alright," James whispered, pulling back again. He left Sirius' arms and surreptitiously scrubbed the tears from his cheeks. Sirius looked away towards the house. "We'll see you one more time," James said after regaining his composure. Sirius nodded. James followed his gaze. Harry was toddling along the garden path, Lily close behind; a bright, proud smile lighting her face. "Lily has started practicing the Fidelius Charm. I still stumble across the things she's hidden, though. But she's improving. Another few weeks until she can hide the whole lot for ten years."

Sirius frowned at him, "Who's the secret keeper?"

"Harry." James laughed, "Where's daddy's armchair, son?" he mimicked, voice deeper than usual.

Sirius chuckled, "And does he tell you?"

"I can still find the hidden objects. I'll forget they were there until I think, 'where is that candy dish?' and then it will reappear, right where I thought it was. Lily asked Dumbledore if it's because Harry's the secret keeper and he said, 'No. It's just that you need more practice.' I'm dreading the day when I actually have to ask Harry that question." James started slowly towards the house.

Sirius followed him. "Please tell me Lily isn't going to use Harry to practice on the house," he said.

"No," James chuckled. "The house is a one-time deal," he said. They reached the end of the garden path.

"Wee Wee!" Harry called when they closed on him. Tiny arms reaching wide, chubby legs pumping hard, Harry raced for Sirius. Sirius stooped, waiting for him. When Harry reached him, Sirius scooped him up. He hugged him close, drinking in his Godson's warmth.

"Oh Harry," he kissed him on the head, just as he had James'. "I'll miss you." He gave a shaky sigh. "Don't let him forget me, James," he whispered as Lily closed on them.

"Of course not," James promised.

"Sometimes," Sirius said to Harry, "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, Harry. This is one of those times for me, son."

"Wee Wee," Harry hugged him about the neck with one chubby arm and patted his shoulder with the other hand. Then he snuggled close under Sirius' chin. With a slight gasp, Sirius held him close, bowing around him, enfolding him. _Sirius kneeling before him on a wet, early spring evening, "Then this I promise you, James and Lily. I will be here for your family. Until the day I die I will keep your family safe from everything and everyone." So long ago. God, please keep him safe, return him to me, to us._ James wiped at his face again.

Lily came up alongside Sirius, draping her arm across his back. She stood on tip-toe and kissed him on the cheek. Sirius opened his eyes, met James'. With a sad smile he held Harry out to him. James took his son and Sirius hugged Lily close. "We'll see you in a few weeks, Sirius. I'll send you an owl when I'm ready," she said.

Sirius pulled away reluctantly. "I know," he said. "I know."

"Thank-you, Sirius," James said. "For everything."

_For sitting with me in detention, for throwing pies off the Astronomy Tower, for chopping wood with my father, for finding the animagus texts. For being my friend._

Sirius clapped him gently on the shoulder then turned away. He walked back around to the front yard and, CRACK, he was gone.


	22. October 1981

**October 1981**

The halls of Hogwarts were strangely quiet. Every other time James had made the trek to Dumbledore's office, it had been the middle of the night. A Saturday afternoon was not supposed to be so quiet.

There were students, most of them so small they had to be first or second years. _Oh, of course, Hogsmeade weekend. Most of the students will be gone all day._ Up ahead of him, he spied a very familiar bun. _Professor McGonagall_. James smiled slightly and sped up to walk beside her. "Good afternoon, Professor," he greeted as he drew even with her. She jumped slightly, stopping as his presence registered.

"I don't believe it," she hissed. "Potter! Aren't you supposed to be in hiding?"

He shrugged. "Dumbledore wanted to see me, so I came."

"In the middle of the day?"

"Lily doesn't like to be alone at night," he explained as they reached Dumbledore's office. The Gargoyle stepped aside, granting them access.

"Well, it wasn't very smart of you," she continued as the stairs bore them upwards. Years of sitting in her class had taught James to school his tongue, so he merely shrugged and opened the door to Dumbledore's office. He allowed her to enter first.

"Headmaster, here is the list you asked for," she said, setting a paper upon his desk.

"Thank-you," Dumbledore said. Once McGonagall had left, he motioned for James to have a seat. "James, I need to talk to you about the Fidelius Charm. It seems that the dark wizards suspect Sirius is your secret keeper."

James laughed, "Well, at least his plan is working."

Dumbledore's eyebrows arched over his half-moon spectacles, "Oh?"

With a sigh, James explained Sirius' plan: Spreading the word then leaving the country and drawing the Death Eaters after him."

Dumbledore sat in thought for a time. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather change secret-keepers? I'd be more than willing to volunteer."

"And what about Sirius and the rumors he has started?" _He wants to do this. He feels it's the best way to save Harry. _James smiled, "Thank-you, Dumbledore. But this is something Sirius wants to do. He deserves to be the one who protects Harry. Thanks for the offer though."

Dumbledore nodded. "Very well, then. He rose to show James out, "Lily is as adept with charms as she's always been. I would think another week or two and she'll have it. Impressive."

James swelled with pride. _That's my Lily. _"While I'm here," he said, stopping just before opening the door, "Thanks for everything. Really." He smiled at Dumbledore.

"And thank-you, James," he returned. "We'll see you in ten years, then? I'll reserve Harry a spot for the term after he turns eleven."

James laughed, "You'd better," he said.

------

Lily smiled at James, "At least it's only a candy dish," she said, visibly struggling to contain her laughter.

"Do you know where it is?" he asked. She nodded.

"I know where I put it before I cast the spell. But I can't find it now," she said.

James turned to Harry, "Harry, where's the candy?" he asked. Harry blinked up at him, his green eyes twinkling. Smiling, he looked around the room, holding his hands out in a shrug.

"Go?" he asked. Lily and James laughed.

"Where's the candy?" James asked again. "Where'd it go?"

"Go?" Harry repeated.

James laughed and shook his head. "Where did you put it?" he asked Lily.

"In the middle of the table," she said. James reached a hand out for it. He felt nothing.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"No. The Fidelius Charm is related to other memory charms. I could be remembering its location wrong."

"Then how will you remember where the house is?" he asked.

"Because Sirius will tell us the secret," she said. Her words fell heavily between them, sending a pang through James' heart.

"I'll send Sirius the owl then," he said reluctantly.

Lily nodded, "Tell him to come tomorrow afternoon," she instructed.

"Alright," he said. Rising, he grabbed a quill pen and a bit of parchment. He wrote the note then went out to the woodshed. An ancient horned owl resided there. "Hello, Faust," James greeted. "Take this to Sirius," he said after tying the rolled parchment to the owl's leg. With a consolatory hoot, it flew off on silent wings.

James watched it disappear into the night. He leaned against the doorjamb, folding his arms. The frosty night offered no solace. _One more time._ The hole in his heart poured memories into the night. _Sirius arguing with the Sorting Hat his first night at Hogwarts. Long straight hair framing a haughty expression. I remember you scooting away from Remus when you heard his name. And then scooting back towards him when you'd realized what you'd done. Hard to believe any member of the house of Black would befriend a half-blood. But you always walked your own road. Is this what it's come too? Talking to an imagined Sirius?_

With a sigh, James pushed away from the door and headed back into the house. He went through the back door and down the hall to the first right. Lily was rocking Harry beside his crib. His eyes were just closing as James entered. Smiling down at Lily, he rested a hand on her shoulder.

She kissed the air in his direction before rising and laying Harry down in his bed. James draped his arms about her shoulders. He laid a kiss on her neck. "You know," he whispered, "we're in for a hell of a vacation." He chuckled against her skin and felt her shiver in his arms.

She turned to him, "I never thought of it that way," she said. Smiling, she returned his kiss. With a giggle, she took him by the hand and led him out of Harry's room.

-----

James woke long before the sun rose. _Did I even sleep? _Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. _Today is the last day of worrying. Today is the last day of fear. Why am I so sad? I should be able to have my friends over still. Maybe we'll have a wonderful Christmas. Remus and Peter. Maybe even the Longbottoms. _

_Or. . . _But none of it seemed to matter. _Sirius won't be here anymore. There will be no more outings to pubs, no more bike rides, no more jobs._

James swallowed around the lump in his throat. He looked around. Lily was already up for the day, _Chasing after Harry, in all likelihood. _Rising, James showered and dressed then went downstairs. The owl Faust was just leaving through the kitchen window. Lily sat at the kitchen table, crying quietly.

"Lily," James ran to her, "what's wrong?" He knelt before her, eyes searching her face. She held out the note that Faust had delivered.

"Two o'clock," she whispered. "That's when he says he'll be here. That's the last time we'll see him. The last time Harry will see him."

"Not forever, Hon," James pulled her close. _It isn't forever._

"You knew he was leaving the country?" she pulled away, the sadness in her voice gaining a dangerous edge. _Uh-oh._

"Yes." He sighed, "he told me the last time he was here. He didn't want you to worry about him. I'm sorry." _Add the apology, always add an apology for good measure. _She smiled wistfully and looked away.

"Well, I'd better go see what Harry's into. It's much too quiet." She rose and left. James sighed. _I'm sorry, Lil. I didn't want you to worry either. Maybe you had the right to know, the right to grieve for your loss._

The day passed much too quickly and soon the grandfather clock struck two. Lily paced around the living room. "He's always late," she fumed. James shrugged and sat down on the sofa. Harry stirred in his sleep where he lay upon a quilt on the floor. _Perhaps not the best place for napping, but that was where he'd finally dropped._

A tentative knock at the door broke the strained silence. Lily and James passed each other confused looks. Lily went to answer it. "Who is it?" she asked.

"It's Peter," a stammering voice answered. _Peter? _James stood as Lily opened the door. There stood Peter, a fine trembling making his whole body shake. "Hi, umm. . ." he held out a scroll and a tea cup. "This is from Sirius," he said. Glaring, James took the scroll. "He . . . He said he was leaving town, that you needed me to do something. . . something dangerous. He promised to keep me safe if I did this for you, James. . . I. . ." he trailed off, leaving the thought unfinished.

James read the scroll aloud to Lily and Peter. "Prongs and Lily, I want to apologize for lying to you earlier. It was a necessary evil. I've been thinking about the night I was attacked. How the Death Eaters focused all their energy on me and knocked Peter out, leaving him in a corner. Even after Lily and I escaped, they ignored Peter. And why would they pay him any attention? So here's my real plan. A plan that only now is being revealed, eliminating any possibility for a spy to stumble upon it. I have been telling everyone that I am your secret keeper. I will still be leading the Death Eaters on a wild goose-chase across America for the next ten years. However, even if they capture me, you will still be safe, for I will not _really_ be your secret keeper. I leave that honor to Peter. The Marauder that they've always ignored. They'll never suspect him.

He is reluctant to take on such a dangerous role, so I've provided him with a safe house and I've promised to check on him. When I come to check on him, I'll stop in and say hello! I'll be in town for another week, setting my affairs in order. I'm naming Harry my beneficiary. Sirius."

Peter backed up as James and Lily both stared at him. "M--m--me? Your real secret keeper?" he squeaked. He was shaking his head. "I don't know, James. I--I know he'll keep an eye on me, but. . . I don't want to do this."

"Peter," James said. "It's a brilliant plan, really. Sirius is right; they've never paid you any attention. You'll--"

"I'm not brave like you, James," he whimpered. "I'm scared."

"Listen Peter," Lily tried. "It'll be fine. If you're afraid when you're at the safe house, just pop over here. And you know James will look out for you."

"I always have, mate," he clapped Peter on the shoulder and smiled. _What if he still says no? We'll have to get Sirius to do it anyway. I'll have to send Faust back to him so he can rethink his plans. Speaking of plans, this sounds familiar. Well, maybe it was originally Dumbledore's plan._

"Alright," Peter sighed. "I--I can be brave this one time." He set his jaw, drew himself up to his full height. "I'm ready."

"Come over here then," Lily said. She took him by the hand and led him over to the sofa, carefully stepping around Harry. They sat down together. Lily pulled out her wand and waved it around Peter's head. "_Fidelius_," she whispered. Then she leaned close to Peter and whispered a secret in his ear, cupping her hand around her mouth so that no one else could here. When she was done speaking, she tapped Peter on the head lightly. Sighing, she sat back.

"That's it?" he asked.

"That's it," she said. She studied him. "Doing this is very brave of you, Peter." She kissed his cheek.

James nodded. "Thank-you Peter. Remember, come over if you're worried about anything."

"I will, James." He stood, and stared fondly down at Harry. "Should I tell Remus where you are?"

_Yes. But, Dumbledore wanted only the three of us to know. _"No. Not yet, anyway. Dumbledore wanted only the three of us to know where we were," he said. Peter nodded.

"But you do need to tell the two of us," Lily added. "So that we can find our way home if we go to the market." She laughed. A bemused look on his face, Peter leaned over and whispered in Lily's ear. Then he turned and whispered in James' ear.

"Well, I'd better go pack. I didn't know I was moving today," he said, with a laugh. James chuckled with him.

"Do you need help?" Lily offered.

"No, I'll manage." Peter made his way to the door, James following him. "See you, James, Lily," he nodded to each of them before opening the door and departing.

Lily sighed, "that was easier than I thought it would be," she admitted.

_Not hard at all._

-----

"Halloween is always rainy," Lily said with a sigh as she carried Harry in to the front room from his bedroom. James stirred the fire, sending sparks up the chimney.

He smiled at her, "Why are you complaining? It's not as if we were going out or anything." Lily shrugged.

She sat down on the sofa, laying a sleepy Harry next to her. James grabbed a down comforter and threw it over the pair of them. He leaned in close and kissed her softly. "I think we need some more wood," he said.

"Da da," Harry added, smiling up at him.

"And you, little man," James said with a laugh. He kissed Harry on the forehead, a big smacking kiss that brought a great, bubbling laugh from his son.

"I'll be right back," he said, grabbing his jacket and heading for the front door. The rain-filled night greeted him with a bone-cracking chill. _Winter so soon? It doesn't seem possible._ James slogged his way through the mud to the side of the house.

He picked up a log, setting it in the crook of his elbow. "Hello, Potter," a low voice hissed behind him. A voice that sent a shiver tracing along his spine. James' breath caught in his throat, strangling him. _It can't be! _He turned slowly, panic building inside him. Voldemort stood just out of reach, his black robe soaked through with rain. _Peter! No! _The world tilted beneath him, spinning around him. _Not Peter!! 'The only Marauder the Death Eaters ignored'._ His breath escaped in a small gasp. Voldemort had pulled his wand from his pocket and was pointing it at James.

"No!!" James threw the wood that he was holding at Voldemort, hitting him flat in the face. The dark wizard crumpled into the mud. James sprang away from him, running for the house. Voldemort's pain-filled scream of rage echoed close on his heels. James threw open the door, slamming it behind him. He leaned against it, panting, gasping for breath.

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run!" Lily rose from the couch, picking Harry up, a confused look on her face. A loud thud hit the door behind him. Panic and understanding dawned on Lily's face. She turned and ran from the room. Behind him, the door exploded, sending him flying into the room. James hit the ground hard, his breath knocked out of him. White stars burst across his vision. Lily was running back towards him.

Voldemort entered the room, laughing when he saw her stop in the hall. _Lily! What are you doing?!_ And then he saw it, there on the end table, her emergency transport. Voldemort saw it too. "Accio portkey," he hissed, a satisfied smirk in his voice. James struggled to his knees.

"Lily! Go!" he shouted.

"I've had enough of your mudblood whelp!" Voldemort hissed. He raised his wand. Lily spun back around, heading for the back door again. _He's aiming for Harry! _"_Avada Kedavra!_"

"No!" James launched himself into the air. The green blast hit him square in the back, burrowing deep. A cold pain spread through him, wrapping him in an icy glove. Lily turned back towards him, her eyes going wide.

"No!" she screamed, her voice fading as it reached his ears, "No!" She started towards him again.

_Ba-dum. Just go! Lily! Go!_ He tried to talk, but the words wouldn't come. The ground was rising to meet him.

_Ba-dum. _Lily spun back around, running away again. Voldemort was walking past him. _Grab him!_ But his arms wouldn't respond. He hit the ground, a fine pain filling in the cold around him.

_Ba-dum._ Voldemort was disappearing into the kitchen.

Cold tendrils reached around his heart, caressing it. _He's going to kill them! My sweet Lily! My son! Peter!! Sirius knows you did this!!_

_Ba-- _

_Sic 'em, Padfoot._


	23. November 1981Epilogue

**November 1981**

(Epilogue)

**A/N: **This was suggested and so it shall be. But how does one write Sirius' reaction from James' point of view?

* * *

_Sic 'em Padfoot._

Sirius sat up, jerking awake. He looked around the dark flat, listening for whatever had awakened him. No sound disturbed the silence and after a few minutes, he sighed and lay back down. He glanced at the clock. It was just after midnight. _Tomorrow's a busy day. _With a sigh, he closed his eyes.

"_Get up, Padfoot_!" James shouted in his head. Sirius' eyes flew open.

"Prongs?" he asked the darkness. There was no answer. His stomach flip-flopped and a shiver ran through him. Swallowing hard, he sat up again. He looked around the room. _All Hallows Eve. _"Oh, ha ha, Prongs. You got me. I give. Good joke." His voice echoed through the room. There was no answer.

"_Accio_ wand," Sirius whispered. His wand flew from his bedside table to his hand. "_Lumos_," he breathed. The wand lit the room. _Empty. Could it be a pang of guilt_? "_Nox_," he commanded. The room returned to darkness. _I'm missing James already and I don't leave for America until morning_. Sirius lay down again and closed his eyes.

_James stood before him, his face ablaze with a mingled hatred and sorrow. "You can't sleep, Padfoot! I have a job for you!" James shouted._

"_I'm going to America, Prongs. I'm already doing a job for you."_

"_GET UP! The assignment's changed!" James threw a punch at Sirius, connecting with his face._

Pain shot through Sirius and he flew out of bed, clutching his nose. He pulled his hand away, studying it. There wasn't any blood, though it felt like there should have been. Confused and shaking, he made his way to the bathroom.

The weak electric light did little to calm him once he turned it on. He sighed and leaned over the sink. "What a bloody, screwed up dream that was," he hissed. He rubbed his hand over his nose, checking for blood. Then he looked up into the mirror. James glared at him from the mirror, piercing eyes just visible over his shoulder. Sirius screamed and spun around. He was alone in the bathroom. That thrill of panic spread through him again. He felt James press against him from behind. He closed his eyes, biting down on the scream that clawed at his throat. _I'm still dreaming! _James' breath tickled along his skin, hot on his neck. He felt his face brush along the side of his head.

"_Peter_," James whispered in his ear. And then he was gone.

The cold fear faded slowly and he opened his eyes again. _Alone in the bathroom! I'm alone! I'm alone!_

_Peter? What about Peter? Is something wrong? Everything was fine last night._ He left the bathroom, his feet moving of their own accord. Pulling on his cloak, he started for the door. He was half-way to his motorcycle before he realized he'd left the bathroom.

"Fine," he said to the emptiness around him, "I'll go check on Peter."

Sirius pulled out his wand and mounted the motorcycle. The engine roared to life and he drove away through the darkness. As he drove, the dream replayed through his mind. He suppressed the panic that was growing in him, holding it at bay. _Something's wrong, something's wrong._ He pulled up outside an unassuming shack, cut the engine and dismounted.

All the lights were off inside. Sirius knocked at the door. He waited, listening. There was no answer. The panic inside him threatened to break loose as he knocked again. Still no answer. He tried the handle and the door opened easily. _Oh, God, no! Not Peter!_ He pushed the door open and slipped inside. Heart pounding in his ears, he made his way through the shack; one dark, empty room after another.

He soon returned to the front door. Peter wasn't home. Sirius stood in thought. _There's no sign of a struggle. It's nearly two in the morning so he hasn't gone out on an errand. Out to the pub? Maybe he's gone to Godric's Hollow to be with James. . ._ "No," he breathed, choking on the wave of panic that rose in him. "No," he repeated, shaking his head. _I can remember where James is! The secret!! Prongs!!_

Sirius ran from the shack, leaping onto his bike. He gunned the engine and took to the sky. Stinging drops of rain played across his skin as he coaxed more speed from the bike. _If I can remember where Prongs is, the secrets out! There's no reason to keep it anymore! Oh God, Prongs! _Tears joined the raindrops in his eyes. _It's my fault! I sent you Peter and he . . . He was the spy! All this time! Oh, Remus, I should have trusted you! Prongs, I'm sorry! It's all my fault!_ The thoughts continued through the hours to Godric's Hollow. He left the clouds behind and the cold, uncaring stars replaced the stinging rain. Their stern glares bored into him as he flew. _Prongs, I'm sorry. Please be wrong, Sirius! For once, be wrong!_

Before him, the dark earth was suddenly bathed in an eerie green light. A sickly green skull pulsed in the air before him. "No!" he screamed. Then he blinked and the skull was gone, the light emanating from the trees below, no longer green, but a brilliant white. "No, no, no," he said, under his breath. _I'm seeing things now. Please be alright, Prongs._ A lump formed in his throat, his heart sped up around it. _Please, God, let him be alright._

He banked towards the light, landing in the lane, just down from James and Lily's home. The bike roared to a stop and he leapt from it before the engine had died, running through the front gate and up the walk. Then he stumbled to a halt. "No!" he bellowed. The house was gone! The white light pulsed and wavered over the rubble that remained; like a magical fire, giving off light but no heat. It sent stark shadows trailing over the ground and there was no way to hide from the truth it revealed. The house had exploded.

Sirius ran forward, his eyes drawn to a too familiar form. "Prongs!" he cried, throwing himself onto his prone friend. "No," he whispered, pulling him over onto his lap as he knelt in the rubble. A cold, dead weight had settled into James. Sirius held him close, hugging him. _No, Prongs, no! Not you! Please God, it was supposed to be me! It was supposed to be me!_ Somewhere, dawn was approaching, the sky lightening. Somewhere, birds were waking, singing in the trees. But not here. Sirius closed his eyes and held his friend, drowning in pain and loss. "No, Prongs, no."

A quiet, pitiful sobbing engulfed him. Sirius opened his eyes, blinked the tears away, and looked around. In the half-light, he picked out the giant form of Hagrid, Dumbledore's errand boy. He too knelt in the rubble, cradling a pale form. Red tresses fell across Hagrid's arm. _Lily!_ Sirius set James down gently and rose. He staggered through the remnants of the dining room and threw himself down beside Hagrid.

"She's gone!" Hagrid cried, looking over at Sirius. Bending over Lily, Sirius gazed into her face. A peaceful smile played across her still lips. Sirius lay across her, hugging her close. _Lily! I promised to keep you safe and here you are! I'm sorry, Lil! So Sorry! I let you down. _"It's all my fault," he whispered through his tears, his lips brushing Lily's ear. Hagrid laid a heavy hand on his back; lending him a friendly touch. _Wake up, Lily, please._

"_He killed my sweet Lily,"_ James said. Sirius gasped and jerked away from Lily. He looked back towards James. The body was as he'd left it. Sirius looked at Hagrid. He was still crying quietly over Lily. _He didn't hear it. Are you haunting me, Prongs?_ In his mind, James smiled at him; his old, care-free smile; his mischievous smile. Sirius stood shakily, a hand on Hagrid's shoulder for support.

_I know I let you down, Prongs._ Hagrid took Sirius' standing as a signal and laid Lily down in the dust. He sighed heavily and started to stand. Then he stopped.

"Merlin's beard," he breathed. Sirius gaped as Hagrid leapt over Lily and fell to his knees before a pile of bricks and drywall. Sirius followed him, staring down at the rubble pile. A chubby hand, powdered white with gypsum, opened and closed, grasping the air.

"Harry!" Sirius fell on the rubble, digging through the bricks and boards that had buried the baby. A pitiful cry wavered from the debris. Sirius took hold of Harry's hand as Hagrid started digging. Harry squeezed his fingers. _Alive!_ "Dear, God! He's alive!" Laughter bubbled up from his throat. _I've got him Prongs! I've got him!_ Hagrid moved the last piece of drywall. Bright green eyes masked by drying blood gazed up at them. Sirius choked on a sob, "Harry."

Hagrid picked him up gently, "It's a miracle," he breathed. "A miracle, Sirius." Sirius took him from Hagrid, held him close. "Outa all this, he's alive," Hagrid said, breaking into tears again.

Harry was still crying. Sirius held him close, shushing him, "It's okay, Harry. I've got you. I've got you. Wee Wee's here." _Okay, Prongs, you can rest easy. I've got him. Lily, I've got him._

"Dawn's comin'," Hagrid said. "I. . . Er. . . Dumbledore sent me to look fer survivors, Sirius. An', well, I've a long walk ahead of me."

Sirius opened his eyes and looked up at Hagrid. "What? What are you saying?" Hagrid was holding his hands out. Holding them out for Harry.

"Dumbledore sent me to look fer survivors. And, well, 'arry is a survivor. I've gotta take 'im to Dumbledore."

"No," Sirius said, shaking his head. "No, he's my Godson, Hagrid. I'll take him." Sirius turned away from Hagrid, holding Harry close. Hagrid was talking still, but Sirius wasn't listening. James was there again. His eyes blazed with fury and sorrow. Sirius' breath caught in his throat. "I said I'll take him. I've got him," Sirius said to James. James shook his head.

"_Give Harry to Hagrid. You've got a job to do."_ Sirius blinked and James was gone.

_I'm losing my mind. _Sirius stared at the spot he'd last seen James. He looked over at James' body lying in the rubble and then down at Lily. _Sic 'em, Padfoot._ A cold distance engulfed him, driving away the sadness, leaving only a flickering fire of anger. _Yes, I have a job to do. _"You're right, Hagrid," Sirius said. Hagrid stopped mid-sentence.

"I am? Oh. . . Right then." He held out his hands for Harry.

Sirius smiled sadly and kissed Harry on the nose. "I've got a job to do, Harry," he whispered against his skin. "But I'll be back for you." _I promise._ He handed Harry to Hagrid. "Did you say you've a long walk ahead?" he asked Hagrid.

"Yeah, firs' to Hogsmeade then by train to London."

"Take my bike, Hagrid. I won't be needing it."

"Yer flyin' bike?" Hagrid asked. "Oh, Sirius, I couldn't do that."

He held up a hand, "I insist, Hagrid. It'll be best for Harry if you hurry on your way."

"Alright then," Hagrid said and turned away. "Kinda makes me wonder who their secret keeper was though," he muttered as he surveyed the ruins. "That one 'as a lot to answer fer." He stomped off through the rubble, pausing at James' body, before disappearing through the front gate.

Sirius waited for the thrum of his bike's engine to fade into the distance before he turned away from the rubble and the bodies. _That one does have a lot to answer for._ He gave himself to the magic, fading away and reforming as a large, bear-like dog. Snarling, he galloped away, testing the air for any scent of Peter.

The End

**A Final Note:**

Can't write Hagrid's accent to save my life!  Oh, well.

I want to thank all my readers for their support and interest. And, more importantly, my reviewers for their words of encouragement, praise, and yes, even criticism. Hugs and kisses to all of you.

Special thanks to

HeartofBlack, for convincing me to continue this story after chapter seven.

Madam Pudifoot for introducing me to the wide world of fan fiction.

MacKitten for the epilogue request.

Firechick77 for helping me with my dialogue.

I hope you enjoyed this journey. I do read every review and if you see something lacking, feel free to point it out.  I will not apologize for my take on Dumbledore here, he has a rebel group to lead.  I rather enjoyed my Remus-as-spy plot line, even if it wasn't canon.  And thanks for the heads up about anonymous reviews, Trinity Day.  But I like knowing people's names.  James the Chaser vs. James the Seeker?  I guess I watch the movie an awful lot. 

I can't think of any other points that were brought up.   

Even though this story has come to an end, feel free to comment on it, future readers.  Mind you, flames will be dragged out into the street, tie-dyed chartreuse and neon pink, and then dipped in cod-liver oil.

_MaryslilLamb_ here, _Sirius Star_ on Immeritus.


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